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What are you waiting for?
You are hardly known,
yet on my brain you surely sit.
My mind wonders
all because you are so sweet to me
You make me feel so good
I smile and your name is upon my lips
You kindness has me in awe
I never knew a man could be as sweet as thee.
Kindness is in your heart
that is easy to see.
I must say,
I am proud to call you my new found friend!
Well, this past Friday, Matt and I found out that we are expecting our second child! We are one happy couple! Then Sunday, our little miracle child, turned 2! It really is crazy how the time has flown!
Anyways, the due date is estimated to be around Feb. 7, 2010. We will know more once I actually get in to see and OBGYN. On Monday my nurse told me I needed to go to the ER and get checked out because I was having some sharp pains in one side of my lower abdomen. Luckily, the baby is right where it needs to be! So, that is good news! We are really hoping to have a little boy, but we will be happy with whatever we have! We have a boys named picked out and we are standing firm on it. lol. But, when it comes to a little girl, we have no idea what names to use! So, we have some serious thinking to do about that. If you have any ideas, please feel free to pass them our way!
June 19, 2009
Well, here I thought I was going to get lucky and not experience the full effect of morning sickness. Yeah, that was wishful thinking for sure! The past few days I have be nauseous, but today it hit me full on. I couldn't even eat or drink hot tea, which normally helps. There really was no avoiding it. But, I guess the good thing is that at least now I feel a little better. lol, for now anyways! So, hopefully with this baby I won't have it as bad as I did with Madison. That would be totally great!
I am still waiting to get into the OB, Tricare is taking there time getting my referral put in. So, I am still kind of left in the blue and not been able to see our little sweet pea. But, soon, I hope. :) Until then, its time to try thinking of names for a girl, just in case!
June 23, 2009
Well, I ended up going back to the ER this past Saturday. I started vomiting blood. The doctor did not check the baby, she pumped me full of fluids and ran blood tests. She said she didn't find anything wrong in my blood and that I may have a broken blood vessel in my throat. It still would have eased my mind if they would have checked the baby.
Anyways, it is Tuesday and I am not vomiting blood, which is a good thing. But, I must admit the morning sickness is kicking my butt and not letting me eat like I need to. I am even on medicine to prevent me from vomiting and that's not doing me any good right now either. I spent all day yesterday in bed, except for the little bit that Madison was awake while Matt was not home. I have the feeling I am having another girl, but I really hope I am wrong. I want a boy very badly, but either way I will be happy.
July 9, 2009
Well, today was the first ultrasound. It went well, besides sitting in the waiting room for 2 hours after my scheduled appointment. That place is slow. But, the baby's heartbeat is strong and I got to see our little peanut move around. It’s like it was waving at me! Matt wasn't able to be there, but hopefully he can be for the next one! Duty calls! Anyways, it was a pretty good day. I didn't think I would tear up since it is my second pregnancy, but as soon as I saw the baby, my eyes grew watery! Matt just laughed at me and said he knew I would! lol. But, it’s okay! I don't mind!
So, thanks to Miss Ashley Christine, I think we may have finally found a few girls names we like! :D Thanks Ashley! Zoe and Serenity are the two that we both like. Now we just have to wait and see what we are having and decide on a girl’s name, just in case! We really would like a boy, but no matter what we are blessed with we will be happy! We just hope that the baby will be a healthy one! But what parent doesn't wish for a healthy baby?
July 24, 2009
We had our second prenatal appointment yesterday. The doctor says everything looks like it is going well. I have managed to gain 5 pounds so far, she said she expects me to gain a lot more since I was under weight before my pregnancy. Matt got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. It was at around 180. He said, "I forgot how fast their little hearts beat! Its so cute!" He is one happy Daddy! Madison loves to kiss my belly and say "baby!" It is so cute. Thanks to my dad we have come up with another little girls name, but still no middle names yet. It is Savannah. At least we still have awhile to think about.. :D So, that is a plus. In about 10 to 12 weeks is when the next ultra sound should be, so then we will HOPEFULLY find out what we are having! I am so excited, and it stinks that it is so far away! But, that's what pregnancy is about, waiting! lol.
August 29, 2009
I am 16 weeks and 6 days along today. There has been a lot going on. We have been able to feel the baby move, I am not nearly as sick, but I sleep all the time. The plus side of things is that I finally got my appetite back and I can put the food away. haha. That is a plus though. It means now I will be able to gain a little bit of weight, which is never a bad thing. When Mat felt the baby move, although barely, his face lit up like a kid in a candy store. Now he is all the time touching my belly, playing with it, trying to get the little guy/gal to move around. Anytime I receive and email update about the weekly growth of the baby, Matt asks me to send it to him at work so he can read it as well. He is so involved in this pregnancy it is crazy. He told me he hopes I get so big that he has to help me get out of bed and off the couch. He wants to take care of me. He is so sweet. Madison still kisses my belly and says baby, and she even points to her's and says baby now. It is so cute. I can't wait to see how she is with the new baby! I have the feeling she is going to be a great big sister!
Madison spent a few days alone in Illinois with my mom. Granted, shortly after she got to Illinois, my mother had a heart attack. So the new baby's first flight was not to long ago. Mom was the first person, besides me, obviously, to feel the baby move. It was a very hard week and half spent at my mothers. It was hard on all of us. Madison wouldn't eat or sleep like she needed to. All she really did was scream most of the time, up until the last 2 or 3 days anyway. Mom's place was so small there was hardly any room for us. Of course we ended up going back to the hospital because the EMT thought she was having another heart attack, luckily she did not. But, stress, very little sleep, very little food, and a lot of drama put a lot of stress on the baby. But, at least we are home now, the baby is well fed, loved, and gets plenty of rest! Can't complain to much about that.
We are still pretty set on baby names, but we might end up changing the name we picked for a little girl. And, in December we are going baby shopping and buying almost everything we need for the baby. We should find out in November what we are having! As long as it doesn't block us like Madison did. As long as this one doesn't give us the finger (yes, Madison did) all will be good!
September 22, 2009
Well, this past Friday (9-18-09) we had a checkup. The baby's heart rate and movement was very good. The doctor was very happy with my weight gain, but still says it wouldn't hurt for me to gain more. I have been trying, but nothing seems to really be working. I measure 19 inches and the doc says that is prefect. I also scheduled the anatomy ultrasound for October 16th at 8:15 in the morning! I am so excited but it feels like it is going to take forever for that day to get here!
Everyone seems to think we are going to be having a boy, but I honestly feel like we are having a girl. And, we still cannot decide on a girl’s name. Not one we both like and think would be a good one. haha. Great huh. At least the boys name is picked out. It will make the name picking a little bit easier.
We will be traveling to Minnesota and Illinois in November. So that should be interesting. Its going to be a long drive, but the visit with the family and friends is going to be great! And hopefully the trip will help pass time. I am already anxious to meet our new baby!
Last night I was sitting in the chair, feeling horrible, and I looked down and could actually see the baby kicking. Jason, Matt's friend who is staying with us, looked over and said my belling doing something weird and looked confused. I had to let him know it was the baby.
The bad thing is, Matt, for some reason still can't feel the baby move all that much. He has felt it a few times and he still gets that look in his eye. It is priceless. But, I wish he could feel it more. The baby already plays a game with me. If I put my hand on one side of my stomach the baby will kick it. Then, when I move my hand to another part of my belly, the baby follows. It is so cute!
Madison knows something is up, and every time I turn around she is trying to get me to eat and drink a boost shake. She is so amazing. And, she talks more and more every day. She is going to make a great big sister! Life is so amazing, besides being sick right now!
Well, I guess for now that is really all there is to say. If you have name ideas, we won't complain. And if you have a guess on what the baby's gender will be, go ahead and make a guess! We will find out in a few weeks, and trust me, I am counting down the days! Lol
October 13, 2009
Well, in four days we should be finding out what we are having! I feel like Friday is so far away! I sure do wish it would hurry up and get here.
The baby has been moving around and kicking like crazy. It can kick my phone off of my belly, and sometimes it really hurts. But, that is just part of the joy of being pregnant. I have become much more moody than normal, and there are a lot of things I am unable to eat. Chicken being one of them.. which stinks because I normally love chicken. My main cravings have been sloppy joe’s with mushrooms and anything that I can have ketchup on. haha. Everyone says I am having a boy except for my Mom, and I kind of think we are having a girl. But, here is the good thing! Either way we have both girls and boys names picked out! :D That makes me happy. Of course, Dominick James has not changed for the boy. But, if we have a girl, we will call her Emmalynn Jo, and call her Emma or Emmy for short! :D Friday hurry up and get here!
I have been experiences a lot of leg cramps, swelling, and light headedness with this pregnancy. But, it’s okay. I just can't wait to meet the little bundle of joy! The due date is so close, but yet so far. Talk about the joy of the phrase "just hurry up and wait" lol.
So, there are four days until the ultrasound, so why don't we play the gender guessing game? What’s your guess? A boy or girl?
October 18, 2009
Well, I am 24 weeks pregnant today! So, 6 months, although the math just doesn't add up, but whatever! This past Friday, Matt and I had the anatomy ultrasound, and guess what! We are having a baby GÌRL !!! We have decided we are going to name her Emmalynn Jo. It is a bit different and means peaceful house, but there is nothing wrong with being different. The ultrasound tech said that Emmalynn is around 10 inches long and close to two pounds. So, she is growing at a good rate and she is healthy! So, that is a major plus! I am not allowed to have more than one caffeinated beverage a day, and I am supposed to drink a TON of water, and let me tell you, that won’t be very easy for me. But, I gotta do what I gotta do. Now that we know what you are having, it is a bit strange since we call her by her name rather than by the baby or it! But, I must say I like knowing!! Poor Matt, he is going to be the only male in the house; me, his two daughters, as well as two female German Sheppard’s! I think he will have a lot fun! lol Time is flying, we don't have all that long until Emmalynn arrives! I cannot wait to start putting the nursery together! I just have to figure out a theme for her that is different from Madison's! But, hey, at least buying clothing will be a little bit easier! haha!
Anyways, we leave on November 9th, to head to Minnesota! I am so excited to see the family and friends and meeting Landon James, but dreading the drive and cold weather! But, you have to take the good with the bad! Who knows, maybe Madison will get to play in the snow this year! I have the feeling she will like that! Plus, we know we will all eat very well since Mom & Dad are both awesome cooks! After spending a couple weeks there, we are headed to Illinois to see my family for 5 days. We are trying to put together a baby shower, but I am not sure if we are going to have enough time to do so.... there are so many people to see and not enough time to do it! Then when we get back to North Carolina, it is times to start putting up Christmas! Even though I feel that time is moving slow, something tells me it is all going to move very fast and Emmalynn will be here before we know it! But, that is alright by me, as long as she is not too early and she is born healthy! I cannot wait to meet my new little Princess! Did I mention she packs a heck of a punch? She can make my belly dance and bounce my cell phone off of my belly! It's to cute, but sometimes painful!!
October 29, 2009
Well, I have gained three pounds since my last doctor’s appointment and my belly button is starting to make its way outward. I have been dreaming a lot about Emmalynn lately. One dream that I had she ended up being a boy. Talk about a heck of a dream. Then, the one that I really remember was extremely vivid. It was so real; in fact, I woke up disappointed I wasn't holding her in my arms! So, the dream started off with me going into labor in the middle of the night. The next thing I remember was being in the hospital and saying, "Well I guess it was a false alarm." And then I was out again. Then, I heard nurse talking and coaching me and saying its a girl. Then they put her on my chest. When you I finally saw Matthew, he was wearing this bright pink vest that said "Proud Daddy to a little girl" on the back of it. She had a head full of dark brown hair (not as much as Madison, but close), she had Matthew's nose.. and that's all that I could see. But, the delivery time was 5:55 am, but I did not catch a date. Talk about making me wonder! I sure wish I could have seen more! And, I wish February would hurry up and get here! I am so anxious to me our newest little girl! And man on man, I cannot wait to see how Madison is with her! Ohhhh, and seeing Matt hold an infant again, it will be like having our first child all over! Not much longer to wait, but it still feels like an eternity!
Well, last night Madison felt Emmalynn kick really hard, and it freaked her out! Now she doesn't want to touch my belly like she used to. haha. It was to funny. She does point to belly and say sissy, and we have her saying Emma now. It is so cute! I know things are not going to be easy when she arrives, but I am still going to be in heaven! Now, if only time would hurry up!
December 26, 2009
Well, we are currently at 33 weeks and 5 days. We are getting so close to meeting out little bundle of joy. Granted, the last month has not been a cake walk. That is for sure. I spent the night before Thanksgiving and half of Thanksgiving in the hospital due to preterm labor. I was under a lot of stress, but we will focus only on the good. Anyways, we had fun while we were in Minnesota. Madison and I ended up going back to Illinois, so we got a lot more time with Grandma Kerry. She sure did enjoy feeling Miss Emma move and playing with Madison. It was fun, for the most part.
Anyways, when we got back to North Carolina things calmed down some. The contractions slowed down, but they are still occurring. I was in the hospital again on December 16th and had to be given meds to stop the contractions. Joanna, the girls godmother took me and stayed with me most of the time. She sure is something else. Got to love her, that is for sure. They are really worried about Emma's size because I am not gaining weight and the size of my uterus has not grown. Plus, I had lost too much weight in a short period of time. So, on January 6th, Matt and I get to see Emma on an ultrasound again. The plus side of things is, we get to make sure that she really is a girl! So, we can't complain about that. If things look good, and she is where she needs to be, I am going to talk to the doctor about being induced on January 15, my mom’s birthday. Some people may not agree with me, but with the amount of stress in my life right now, the doctor in labor and delivery seems to think it would be much better for Emma is we did induce and get her out early. I will be only a few days shy of being 37 weeks and I delivered Madison at 36 weeks. So, as long as the growth scan goes well, then I don't think it should be a problem, but of course it’s not up to just me. The doctor knows best I suppose.
As for the shopping, boy we will still have a lot of that to do. I think we are going to end up buying everything all at once, and with history of preterm labor, I really need to get my hospital bag packed. It would be my luck I don't pack it and I go into labor and have to be in pain as I pack it. That would be something, and just my luck, of course.
I am excited about meeting Emmalynn for the first time. I am really nervous because I have not cared for an infant in a long while. Well, for more than a few hours anyways. And, I wanted to breast feed, but because of stress and weight loss among other things, I don't think I am going to be able too. It actually really bothers me because it allows for a great bond between mother and daughter, but Madison would most likely become extremely jealous. Then again, she may surprise me. It will be so cool seeing her with Emma for the first time. I think that is the one thing I am the most excited about, besides holding her for the very first time.
Anyways, I think that is about it for the update. So, until next time!
Forever Broken
December 29, 2009
Forever Broken
My heart aches
My heart bleeds
The scare you left have crippled me.
I am forever broken
I am on my knees
I am begging you
Please, please, don’t leave.
I’m broken, forever broken
Watch as my heart continues to bleed
December 30, 2009
My heart aches,
My stomach churns,
I am losing you,
We are losing you.
I am trying so hard,
I don’t know what to do.
I love you!
More than you will ever know.
My heart belongs only to you.
I will do whatever it takes,
I wish you would see,
I wish you would truly see,
I have made changes,
I am the real me.
The me that you fell for a few years ago.
The me you never wanted to live without.
You are my world, a part of me, the love of my life.
I made mistakes,
That I know,
You taught me to forgive and forget,
And if you try just a little,
I feel we might have the slightest chance.
I feel something when you hug me,
And when you randomly kiss me.
You still sleep next to me.
Last night, you kept touching me and talking in your sleep.
I know you want me to let go,
I wish I could because its what you want.
But something keeps me hanging by this shredded thread.
Something won’t let me let you go, not just yet.
Something deep inside of me.
I fell for you, extremely hard.
It’s never changed.
I didn’t know how to show it fully,
But I tried to change, I told you I was trying, I even requested you help me
You told me no,
We would fine.
And no here we are,
You are letting go.
I am sorry I hurt you
Please let me show you
Just until March,
It’s all I ask.
Continue the slight effort,
You might be surprised.
I admitted my mistakes,
I know I am at fault more than I once thought.
I have been honest; I have tried more than ever.
I changed so much,
Good lord I love you!
As the broken pieces hit the floor
As they shatter like a precious glass
You stand there,
Watching,
Like you don’t care.
3.5 years together,
Two kids,
A home,
A life together
And suddenly you’re ready to let it all go.
What can I do to prove to you that my love is true?
That I will do anything to be with you,
Anything to make you happy?
Anything to keep this family together,
To give our kids a loving, caring, warm home?
I do not want to be without you!
I want my love, my family, my best friend back!
I do my best,
I do as you ask,
Yet blown off and scarred more is what I get!
Not only am I thinking of us,
I am thinking of our kids as well!
Why can you not see that?
I am trying so hard,
I am doing my best!
I changed; I have kept my promises,
I can only do so much,
I can’t do it all!
I have given it my best,
Can’t you try to make this work?
To give it your best?
Give us a chance to give all of us a life of greatness?
I feel like a ghost
Occupying a ghost town
Bypassed and forgotten
All alone and lost.
Things seem different now
Disoriented and puzzled.
When something seems right
Somehow it turns out wrong.
Bypassed and forgotten
Like a ghost forever stranded
In a ghost town long forgotten.
Pitter patter,
I hear her feet.
Hehe,
I hear her laughter.
All the things that make my day much brighter.
A flash of her teeth,
I see her smile,
One more thing to make my heart skip a beat.
Each day I grow fonder,
Of the little girl I call my daughter!
September 24, 2009
Sitting here.
Lost in thought.
Mind tumbling.
One direction.
Then the other.
Scatter brained.
Can’t focus on one thing.
What a mess this brain can be.
What’s that?
A singing bee….
See I told you, scatterbrained indeed.
In much need of a mindful rest,
A vacation would do the best.
Oh yes,
Yes indeed.
Back to the homework
I must proceed.
Bump, Bump....
September 24, 2009
Looking down
I see it move,
Bump, bump
My belly jumps.
The baby is moving
Twisting and turning all around.
Up and down
Side to side,
The belly jumping all around!
And soon we will find out
Just what little prize we have inside!
