Fukadoodledoo's blog: "day to day"

Ok, first off don't read this if you don't wanna hear me bitch and moan. My St. Patrick's Day sucked. I was planning on going out to the Street party that the local bar here in Downtown Melbourne throws each year but I couldn't even find one person that I knew that was going. I'm not going out and getting drunk on my bike. That is what idiots do. Sometimes I wish I had a car that was reliable, so I could actually go out and have a drink or two. Something to get me out of this boring damn house. lol I need friends. Whatever, I'm getting some food and going to bed. Hope you all that have read this had a great St. Patty's Day. The ones that didn't read this.... well then you won't know that I hope your day sucked.

So I just made the best snacky thing ever and it is the bomb digity. I got me 2 eggo's toastered them up and put peanut butter on both, then I stuck one of those Little Debbie rice crispy treat things on one peanut buttered eggo and drizzled some Hershey's syrup on it then toped it with the other eggo. Dayum Yummy!

Well, you know that hill climb I was on in my last blog? Yeah.. I kinda fell back down. Ends up she's not who she says she is. Thats the internet for you. I need to find me a real girl, you know one that you can touch and smell and buy things for just outta nowhere. I suppose I won't ever find that on here anyway. Back to square one I suppose. The only good thing is that the person I thought was the perfect girl for me is at least owning up to it and I think I am starting to get to know the real person. Well we'll see. Till then I'm off to get drunk in my sorrows. Take care! WEEE!!!

You know, when things go down hill they eventually come back up. bad part is that it usually goes down again. but I'm hoping that I stay on top for a while this time. On the way up this hill I happened to meet this girl, a very beautiful girl too. One that is hard to get out of my head, even though I'm not even trying to. I happen to like thinking of this girl. It's helping me climb higher up this incline that was laid before me since my tumble down a while ago. She happens to have the cutest smile and a way to make me feel good about myself again. I only hope I can do the same for her. I would feel like I was cheating her out of something good if I can't at least get her to feel the same for me as I do her. I usually do everything for myself, you know think of me first. Thats how I've usually always been. but a very good friend and former girlfriend was the exact opposite and it was hard on her but everyone loved her because she was so caring. I want to find the middle of that with this wonderful girl that I have met. I hope we can mutually care for each other greatly. wow I sound so gay, anyways. I'm thinking of you, and if you're reading this you'll know it's about you. don't worry bitter me will come back sooner or later, just not with her, she's too good for that.

So I never made my flight. Never went to Detroit. Never got to see the girl that I love so much that I'd do anything for. And she slipped away from me. It's a funny thing how everything goes perfect, you find the perfect girl, would have been the perfect life. At least I would have thought, then it goes to shit. It always does. I should have been ready for it because I know thats how things usually end up for me. But I didn't want to think that, I wanted this to work so bad. And I would have fought for it as hard as I could if it was any other reason that broke us up than what it was. Krystle, I love you so much, but I don't want to be the cause of breaking up a family now. I'm not going to make that choice. But I will always be here, and I will always love you. I wish the best for you.

I've lost hope... I quit. 4 days till my flight and she has still not called written or reached me in any way. I suppose I should have known better. I know most love is blind and I must be Ray Charles. today is the day. If I hear nothing I cancel my flight. Jesus Fucking Christ!! I did not want it like this. Fuck.

I hate being so helpless, unable to do anything about a situation that is so unfavorable. This love I would do anything for, if their was anything that I could do... That feeling of being a passenger in a car, and the driver is doing 130 MPH down a country road, and your waiting.. waiting for that next tree to rip the car to shreds.

Yet another day, and I still have no idea what has happened to my girlfriend. 5 days and I haven't heard a thing, I can't call her because she hasn't a phone yet at her new place and I'm an idiot for not getting the number of her mom that lives 10 minutes away. I am supposed to fly there in 5 days. but If I can't even get a hold of her to even find out if she still is my girlfriend I really don't know if I want to be stuck in Detroit for a week with virtually no money. well lets wait another day and she if she ever comes back.

I feel discarded, although It's probably and hopefully not true the feelings are still burbling up. 4 days, no contact. 6 more I might or might not be in Detroit.