TRIXXYfuowned by SUPER DH's blog: "dark waters"

well its official, im not moving to florida as i had hoped. my dad is moving back here so i am stuck. im going to try and make the best of this shithole of a town. maybe one day i can save up enough money and move on my own....far far far away from all of this

So ive been home for a week now. i thought being home would be easier. its not. i miss him every day and i hate it. i cant get the thought of him w/her outa my head. it makes me sick. and i cant seem to stop crying. i cant hate him. ive tried. if i could hate him then maybe it wouldnt hurt so bad. but my heart just cant seem to agree with my head.

i dont know where to go from here or how to manage all the pain and anger im feeling. i cant get the thought of him touching her. i makes me sick. and everytime i hear his voice and see his face my heart breaks all over again. i try to remember the good times we had but that only makes it worse. i know im not the first person to have their heart broken and their world shattered. but it is the first time for me. im all alone here, with him. i cant break down like i want untill i get back home. i am utterly miserable. i dont want to get up. i dont want to move. i dont want to think or feel anything. id give anything to just be numb