In going through a Vogue magazine in between crisis calls that was left here at work tonight, I ran across an article by Allegra Kent called, "dance of the muse", wherein she "recalls a time when her playful form was the inspiration for her husband's -- the great ballet master Balanchine's -- art."
What caught my eye, indeed, was the whimsical picture of Allegra in a flowing dress holding a rose in one hand and leaning towards the other in her bare feet. So free. So flowing.
I am thinking, what happend to me? I used to be just as playful and free spirited.
Was it all the responsibilities of being a single parent for all of these years?
Was it being "broken" by two abusive husbands in the past?
Am I hiding behind the injuries that occurred to me almost three years ago? After all, it isn't the swollen ankles that truly represents who I am, but the spirit within me that people generally love about me. I think, sometimes, people really like to get me exceptionally excited about something because they love to hear me stumbling with the excitement, one word over another, because they will look at me, with the biggest grin on their face, and say "slow down, slow down"!! :D Then we are all laughing so very hard that I end up losing a my breath a bit and start coughing these days especially.
I miss the whimsical nature that was represented in the photograph (See Vogue Oct 2006 issue, page 130) about myself.
How do I regain that muse of a nature that is so reminiscent of who I truly am?
Part of it has been restarted by listening to a meditation CD called,
Getting Into the Gap. I have used the CD for the last 2 days. The first day was a bit awkward because I had a migraine that morning before laying down; as a result it was effective, but, obviously, not as effective as it could be. Today, I used it again and slept so very soundly. In fact, I don’t remember hearing the track 2 for the CD this time; just dozed completely until 4pm today.
I feel rested and rejuvenated. It is absolutely amazing at how this CD has affected me. For the second time within the past week, I feel like doing a jig (the first time in the past week was when I truly started feeling better from being so sick during the last couple of weeks).
Perhaps, this is a journey that I am meant to be on at this time. It feels right. So, for now, I am renaming my pathway the "dance of the muse"!!
:D
