PHAT N FABULOUS's blog: "DAMAGED BEYOND REPAIR"

TODAY WAS A NOT SO FABULOUS DAY. SINCE I WAS VERY YOUNG I DIDN'T LEARN ANYTHING POSTIVE FROM THE PEOPLE AROUND ME. I AM TOTALLY DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE IN MY FAMILY. LIKE THE ODD BALL. THE UGLY DUCKLING. I WAS TALKED ABOUT, PUT DOWN, LIED TOO, LIED ON, ALIENATED FROM EVERYONE, BEATEN AND RAPED BY PEOPLE THAT SAID THAT THEY LOVE ME. I GROW UP ALONE. I CHOKING ON MARY JANE AND DRINKING BY THE AGE OF 9. MY TEENAGE YEARS WERE A LOT WORSE. MEN MADE ME BELIEVE THEY WANTED ME AND ONLY ME. THEY BEAT ME, FORCE ME TO DO THINGS I DIDN'T KNOW PEOPLE AT THAT TIME REAL DONE. ONE MAN IN MIND HAD ME SO WRAPPED UP IN HIM I JUST KNEW WE WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED. I WAS ONLY 15 AND I JUST KNEW. I WAS SO WRONG. HE DIDN'T LOVE ME, RESPECT ME OR EVEN CARED IF I LIVED OR DIED. HE USED MY BODY LIKE SOME COMMON WHORE. THIS MAN I THOUGHT I LOVED HAD SEX WITH ME IN THE BACK OF A MOVING TRUCK OWNED AND DRIVEN BY HIS COUSIN. THEN AGAIN UNDERNEATH A HOUSE ON A DIRTY COUCH. NO MATTER HOW MUCH I PLEADED WITH HIM ON HOW MUCH I DIDN'T WANT TO. IT DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT TURN HIM ON. HE DIDN'T CARE IF I WAS ON MY CYCLE OR NOT. HE WANTED SEX AND HE TOOK IT. I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER UNTIL HE CAME TO ME AND TOLD ME THAT HIS COUSIN WANTED TO FUCK ME. I TOLD HIM HELL NO!!! HE SAID IF YOU DON'T YOU WILL HAVE TO WALK HOME. I STARTED WALKING.THEY PULLED UP NEXT TO ME HE THE MAN I THOUGHT LOVED ME TOLD ME TO GET THE FUCK IN THE TRUCK AND HE'LL TAKE ME HOME. I DID. THEY DROVE TO A DARK ALLEY AND ON THE WAY THERE HE FORCED ME TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. WE STOPPED I THOUGHT I WAS AT HOME. NOPE HIS COUSIN CAME OVER TO ME GRABBED ME BY MY HAIR AND TRIED TO MAKE ME HAVE SEX WITH HIM. HE COULDN'T GET IT UP BECAUSE HE SAID I WAS SCREAMING TO MUCH AND TOO LOUD. I CRIED OUT TO MY SO-CALLED BOYFRIEND TO HELP ME. HE TOLD ME TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND THEN WALKED AWAY. HIS COUSIN GRABBED ME BY MY HAIR AND SLAMMED MY FACE AGAINST THE BED OF THE TRUCK. I WOKE UP ON THE STREET IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE. I STILL SEE HIM AROUND TOWN AND I ACT LIKE I DON'T KNOW HIM. I HAVE NEVER HAD ANYONE IN MY LIFE THAT REALLY CARED ABOUT ME. I'M 34 NOW. SITLL SINGLE WITH NO CHILDREN. ALL THE PICTURES I POSTED OF MY BODY NUDE ARE JUST FOR ATTENDTION I NEVER GOT. THE SEX WITH MEN IS FOR AFFECTION I NEVER GOT. I STOP HAVING SEX. FOR OVER A YEAR AND 2 MONTHS. I HAD SEX ONE TIME SINCE THEN AND ALTHOUGH IT WASN'T LOVE IT WAS SOMETHING. HE SAID HE LIKE ME. I KEEP FORGETTING PUSSY DOES NOT HAVE A FACE. MEN WOULD AND DO TELL ME ANYTHING TO GET WHAT THEY WANT.