I'm not finished yet, I'm under construction
You can peek behind the curtain if you want

that is Tanya Donelly's the storm. it resonates with me. no matter how i much i try, i keep finding more work to do on who i am. not sure i will ever be done, but i am pretty happy with where i am. happier with what i see in the future for who i am becoming.

it is a long time coming, but readdressing this question on my page is finally occurring. as i have already implied, i strive to grow and make myself a better human. one can never stop trying to grow. just look around you, nothing in nature is satisfied with the way it is. everything keeps growing and adapting until it dies. and so that is the path i have chosen for me. to grow, to change, to adapt. I just hope to be able to sustain the level of of change, the level of improvement i have accomplished so far in my life.

i have done a fair bit with the time i have on the earth so far. i have washed dishes in a truck stop in the middle of the night in southern idaho. I have cleaned sky scrapers in a big city, looking out over the city below, as the moon rises over the cascades and set behind the olympics. i have been to college three times now, each changing my life fundamentally to grow and meet the changing economy. i have worked with the mentally ill and prisoners. i have lifted dirt from the bottom of the ocean to see what lives there. i have carved on a totem pole for a car factory in japan and photographer the sunlight dancing on the glaciers of a volcano, just south of the canadian border.

life offers each of us wonders, all we have to do is reach out our hands and they will rest in them, these wonders. do not take any time you have for granted. you may only have a few more of those moments, you may have many, years worth but you will never know until you look back at them. when i look back at mine, i know i have wasted many, but i have also squeezed the essences out of just as many.

i guess that tells you a little about who i am. i am trying to live life. i am trying to see the beauty in everything around me, even while being buffeted by the absurdity of much of it. but i am trying to not let that tear me down. i am not always successful at defending against the bad, but i would not want to be. good and bad, they are both important. you have to feel the pain and the joy. so when the absurdity does take me over, i can at least learn form it right? and in the learning, i get to grow.

i hope one day i will be able to see the world a little more clearly then i do now, maybe not. but i will keep trying. i hope to find people who can help me grow, people who will challenge me and show me a bit more of themselves. i hope i can look one day in to those rare eyes that can smile and cry in the same moment, so that i might learn that secret.

fu has been good to me in the few years i have been here. i have met some of the dearest people in my life. who would have thought. thank you to who ever it was that directed me here.

if this explanation of who i am helps, gives you any insight to me i am glad. fi it makes you want to get to know me, reach out. sometimes i am a little hard to get close to, but if you sidle up carefully, it might be worth your time.

oh, the regular stuff. music, pretty much everything. art, yes please. preference for photography but not limited there by no means. what do i do with my spare time? garden, cook, paint, take pictures, write and walking in the woods with my boys.