I find myself at an apex in my life. I am not certain as to whether or not go one direction or another or just quit bothering. Everyone has their own perceptions on how to handle lifes betrayals. I myself have lost trust in so many people that I have come to a point to where I wonder ..Is it me? Am I too strict? Should I just let little things go or go with what I feel? You see I have always been a person that gives you my full trust until you break it. I find that in that moment of time I will see who you really are because most are caught off guard by someone who is willing to allow full trust from the beginning. It is not some evil plot to make people tell me things they normally want..it is just how I am. There is one problem that keeps coming up however, once you break my trust I almost always cannot trust you with anything. This leads to my new issue- what if I dont want to have this reaction but emotionally cannot help it? For instance, my own sister broke my trust with her in a major way. She became angry with me over something trivial but she chose to blow up at me in front of the man I was seeing. I dont mean just a "you're mean and I hate you" moment but a "did you know that she did X,Y and Z a hundred years ago?" kind of moment. I dont have any "acquaintance" type friendships. I am an all or nothing kind of woman. You are either my friend or you are not. I either trust you or I do not. I will share anything with you or I wont tell you anything that can be constrewed differently. So what do I do? I dont like not being able to have a conversation deeper than the weather with my own sister. I have another person that has broken this trust and I am not sure how to handle this. I have heard the saying, as I am sure everyone else has, that love without trust is nothing. My emotions agree with this fully but the mature side of me wants to argue with this. I want to believe I can rebuild trust. I am just unsure if my heart will accept this theory that my head is trying to tell it. So what to do? Do I just say well I would love to trust you but unfortunately no matter how much I want this, really want this, it cannot happen? I have a pattern in my life that the moment my trust is broken a part of me closes off. I no longer share the whole me. I share the part of me that I feel like I can trust you with, which isnt much usually. So I sit here wondering if I should just cut my losses and begin again or try to fix it. I want it to be worth it but my heart is saying very logically how can it be when there are other things that scream the opposite. More than anything I want to rewind to the part where everything was great. I mourn the loss of that time. I took it foregranted again. I always have hopes that things will be different with each friendship and relationship I establish but in the end I end up right here wondering what to do. My heart forces me to withdraw. I am not sure it would be more hurtful now to withdraw or if I should wait and see if I can mend.