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What are you waiting for?
give me a pen and a pad and watch me paint pictures
as long as there is ink in this pen i can keep bringin this
infinite is the depth of my mind that comes intertwined with
humbleness, insanity, realness, cocky with sarcastic wit
a magical arsonist who played with fire and just inhaled it
if i gave you a glimpse into my minds very own cypher
5 me's are involved and it quickly becomes hard to decipher
who's the normal one, all of their sanity is hanging by a small wire
all eyes are, locked in on me and it makes me feel uncomfy
rather be below the radar where very few know of me
anti social hand gestures from me to you just said blow me
i apologize, that was out of line of me and i'm truly sorry
i lie... i'm not sorry, when i'm being sarcastic i lack sincerity
i will forever only speak what my heart tells me
every time my heart beats it's like it allows me to see
truthfully, it gives me a canvas to lay on verbal imagery
every time my heart beats it's like an instrumental to me
my hearts telling me to go in a different direction
i go where the beat tells me so i'll give a lil self reflection
i'd cut my arms off before i would wear my heart on my sleeve
i'm paranoid that the moment you find out i care bout ya you'll leave
guess can blame the dad for that, he left once upon a time
wore that hurt on my face until i learned bout therapy through rhyme
don't wanna give him a bad name so let me say it wasn't a case of abandonment
he got kicked out the house, i was young, i just didn't understand it
shit i better cut my arms off i'm putting to much out there
back to the insanity because i don't wanna know that you care
scared to get stabbed in the back by people on an undercover mission
so i surgically implanted 2 eyes in the back of my head, i'm always watchin
i look like a mr potato head with everything but the eyes missin
mind's cypher is over but the instrumental plays on as my heart's still beatin
i will forever only speak what my heart tells me
every time my heart beats it's like it allows me to see
truthfully, it gives me a canvas to lay on verbal imagery
every time my heart beats it's like an instrumental to me
Yeah so i wrote this after i just got done reading Ant's blog ''Tell me how fucked up your life is'' So thanks for the inspiration Ant.
look at your life what are you complaining about?
bitching about, how you're grounded and can't go out
or if you to old to be grounded your ego takes flight
your probs consist of hoping your laptop stays charged all night
well do me a favor alright, google world hunger and gain insight
into the plight that the world's in, you let depression sink in
about meaningless things, while others want their world to end
you live in a 3 story house with the white picket fence
you own a world class restaurant that the real hungry can't get in
leftover food in the garbage even though the homeless coulda ate it
hands reach out to you but you quickly evade it
no eye contact cus if you seen yourself in the eyes reflection you'd hate it
look at yourself, i bet you might feel like shit in your gated community
cut off from the rest of the world that sometimes lose they babies
lights get cut out they can't see where they goin to find happiness
or live in the ghetto with no other option but fall in line with the ghetto mess
everyone struggles, and you need to get out of your damn bubble
kids in other countries pretty much living in nothing but rubble
but you say you're in trouble cus you can't get a lambo so had to get a lex bubble
rolex that you just use to blind people with your wealth
always about you, never help a person, ya make no time for anyone else
but you want it all, so fuck it just continue to ball
everyone falls, not everyone can always stand tall
hitting the wall at 200mph and you'll lose it all
guess it's a good thing you went with the lower priced lexus after all
so its story time, time to think of a plotline
i'll outline situations with verbal visualation
somethin to give you a lil mind stimulation
the story starts with a good dude named tony with a good heart
doin all the right things, parents proud of him he plays his part
he aint street smart, parents kept that away from him
parents see the news dont want they son to be like them
they were in the ghetto once upon a time but it never took over him
he's set up for college, yee the dude got knowledge
he's at the moutain top not gettin pushed off the ledge
he was a big brother to a ghetto kid named shawn who was on the edge
he didnt know his family jus had some names of people that were laid to rest
but tony, he helped that lil boy, that boy is tryin his best
tony showed the boy theres more to life din police arrest
he dont have to be like everyone else that he had seen
took him out of his enviorment showed him a new scene
so now to go along with the words he had proof from the things he's seeing
being able to walk outside and not see anybody bleeding
no shanks, no fights, no stupid muhfuckas shooting
shawn was weirded out but at the same time found it soothing
and tony did this for the kid everyday
and made a promise to never go away
until one day he was dropping shawn off
some dude jumped outta nowhere with a sawed off
was bout to jack em both, tony's like wait no
take anything you want from me jus let shawn go
next thing ya know you hear a shot let go
tony seen a light but we'll get back to that later though
***Chorus***
this world has to have a silver lining
that im jus having a very hard time finding
this world cant jus be pain and grief
on these streets with peeps that are just life thieves
second part of the story, i hope you still with me
first situation with tony had jus got a lil sticky
lets go to the other side thats a lil bit darker
this dude named derrick who loss his mother and father
never even really had a chance to know his real family
jus shipped off to foster homes across the whole country
no child is born evil its jus that without guidance bad deeds seem good
shit aint neva good, you're misunderstood, stuck in the hood
with gangs surrounding you its out of with or against
back agaist a razor fence lots of people would give in
he was no different, he gave in and joined now hes in the life of sin
he knew they were bad but his want for family got him in this
beat him in, stupid ass really thinks this is what love is
so they bring him around have him doin some small shit
tagging different hoods and pray to god not to get caught doin it
and it kept goin on moved up to petty crime
jacking old ladies purses only gettin nickles and dimes
so he moved up again this time selling nickels and dimes
crooked cops in the hood part of it hook him up with the drugs all the time
so with those type of connections its time to move up again
gang members give him a sawed off and tell him now the fun begins
although flawed he never really wanted to shoot anybody
but it was either him or them either way now he's unhappy
they tell him where to go and tell him they wanna get this goody goody
who moved out of the hood a long time ago with his family
reluctently he went and waited where they had said
he saw 2 people walking up, one grown man and a kid
he jumped outta nowhere and whispered to himself ''i dont wanna do this''
what they have me doin cant be what love and family is
but his people waiting in a suv down the street if he dont do it they'll jus do it
derrick started to see the light but his peeps dont give a shit
out of he does it or everyone in the area gets done
so derrick scared shitless trembling with a finger on the trigger of the gun
it went off by mistake and the older guy jumped infront of the shotty
caught one to the body saving shawn, o shit it was tony
***Chorus***
this world has to have a silver lining
that im jus having a very hard time finding
this world cant jus be pain and grief
on these streets with peeps that are just life thieves
now if only we could rewind and fix things that happen
derrick stuck, suv drove off, tony on the ground gaspin
shawn and derrick both freaking out ''why'' is what shawn keeps askin
derrick couldnt say anything having a breakdown cryin
but he got on his celly and called 911 and said bring help someone is dyin
police and ambulance showed up took tony to the hospital
derrick got taken to to juvi feeling lost and pitiful
tony is getting worked on on the operating table
there is that light tony seen feeling them tryin to get the bullet
its stuck in his chest and he silently prays with every fading breath
parents and shawn in the waiting room while tony still on the table
parents down on bended kness with shawn prayin that their able
to see they son again, shawn's big brother again
shawns back on the edge if tony dies so does shawns hope
its a lot to cope with and if he cant the next step is dope
he'll end up jus like derrick did, if tony's dead
cuz he lived a good life and shawn remembers everything he ever said
and if this happends to him it means it was all a lie
cuz why do bad people live but the good ones die?
a tear drops from shawn's eye and somewhere in juvi derrick is dying inside
doctor's come out to let the parents know that tony didnt die
a sigh of relief praises and and thank you lords as they arise
tears in they eyes they go see tony and still see the sparkle in his eyes
shawn holds him tight, tony cries tears of joy as shawn says you saved me
more then one time and for that i will always listen to what you say
tony replies you remember that promise i made? told u i would never go away
***Chorus***
this world has to have a silver lining
that im jus having a very hard time finding
this world cant jus be pain and grief
on these streets with peeps that are just life thieves
Now jus when you think its done theres still one twist to the story
it involves forgivness and a look into 2 people's history
tony with his work had connections with a bunch of agencies
people would help him find people, he could get records if he needed it
he wanted to know where derrick was taken he found where he was and google mapped it
got the directions went to pick up shawn for the ride
tony found out something that shook him inside
he ask shawn if he trust him? shawn says ''you know it man''
he looks at shawn and says i hope the stuff about to go on you truly understand
but you wont go thru it alone ill always have your hand
so they get inside and wait in the waiting area nervous but tryin to lay back
derrick steps out the back and cant believe the people he's lookin at
he walks over slowly not knowing what their gonna do
shawn looking at tony like he crazy sayin he almost killed you
why are we coming to see him? answer my question?
shawn its ok all i can do is forgive and he did the right thing when it was countin
derrick speaks up and says i didnt mean to do it
but i've been stuck here for a while now and now i dont give a shit
my life is worthless, ill NEVER have a family
you dont know my past, and all i ever wanted in this world was a family
i know now i was wrong but the wrong peeps were family to me but my heart is stone now nothing will break thru it
tony cut him off sayin he knows we dont have to go thru it
jus know that i forgive you but really this isnt about you and me
this is about you and shawn and all your similarities
they both look puzzled at tony derrick yells out what the hell
shawn lookin at tony like he crazy begging tony to tell what he has to tell
tony tries his best to paint the picture a lil clearer doin all he can do
i had found out about some infomation when i was tryin to find you
now im sorry but i found out that both your parents died a long time ago
derrick had given up tryin to find his family, but shawn still wanted to know
so they both are still like why did we have to be together for this?
tony looked at derrick and asked if you wanna know what family can be?
derrick getting fed up thinking tony is jus giving him pity
derrick says o let me guess this is where you reach out to me
tell me what i can be, and about how you will be my family
sorry but you aint blood, you dont mean shit to me
you were a hero you saved the kid but you'll get nothing from me im sorry
derrick tries to leave but tony grabs his arm and says wait
you dont understand listen to the words i say
im asking if you wanna know what family can do
the same blood that flows thru shawn flows thru you
shawn meet derrick, derrick meet shawn your brother, believe me its true
i saved your brother's life now you owe me, change your life do all u can do
derrick and shawn both shocked how could somethin so unfortunate
lead to a life lesson and something so fortunante
tony tells shawn about how he said its important to forgive
he wants him to forgive derrick and a chance is what he wants him to give
derrick falls to his knees and begs for forgivness
to somebody he didnt know was family but the words spoken are realness
shawn looks to tony and looks at derrick while he still on bended knees
he says i forgive you we both wanted family and now we furfilled those needs
ill try to get to know you give you a chance so i can have 2 brothers you and tony
derrick cries his eyes out cuz now the person he almost killed is his family
and if it wasnt for tony this would have never been reality
we now all have family things arent in ruin
tony says to always remember this day cuz this was the family reunion
***Final chorus***
this world has to have a silver lining
that im jus having a very hard time finding
this world cant jus be pain and grief
on these streets with peeps that are just life thieves
this world is hella crazy things you thought you'd never see
jus remember that the bad seeds jus like everyone else have they own story
i smile to trick people, with this trait i have no equal
think ya got me figured? to be continued, stay tuned for the sequal
or maybe a prequal, the plot will be in your face nothin subliminal
people out there talkin shit, thinkin i'm fuckin mental
clifhanger ending scene fades roll credits till the end
in disbelief, i need relief, i'm blurring reality a place where pain has an ending
not never ending like a circle that you could run around forever
emotion severed, heart tamperd, mind scattered, fuck it whatever
say what you say, do what you do imma be alright
from daylight to moonlight and brightness from street lights
out on the street lookin at stars every night, prayin one falls while its in my sights
wish for happiness for everyone except me cus being depressed helps me write
hate pretty little love storys with sexual inuendos
take some ambien then proceed to dose
then i dream of a far away land
where nothing hits you out of nowhere cus everything is planned
and we get the blueprint, and we see how its structherd
no more bullets you didn't see comin that leave ya head ruptcherd
then i wake and have to face reality all over again
and what i thought was an ending was a nightmare that just began
my luck so fucked freddy won't even come cut me up
wake up after sleeping for 15 hours still shackled by earth's cuffs
so there is my plot, do ya think i'm giving away to much?
geez i hope i'm not giving away to much
wanna make it to a place where pain has an ending
if this is a movie please push stop so i don't have to go on acting
wanna be in a happy movie somethin to sooth me
but i keep getting pulled out of fantasy back to this reality tv
so what if this life is a movie? and we stuck in the truman show
would we go crazy if we found out? or is it best we never know?
and gee i wonder if i'm up for an acadamy award
sold my soul by putting my shit on blast, i'm such a whore
give everybody a glimpse of my life everytime i write
wrong or right... wanna be like britney murphy and say that i'll never tell
but i'll sell myself out because fake reality tv sells
oscar winning performance for a potrayal of a person who cares
i'm an asshole off of god's camera incase you weren't aware
i'll caress your pain, and shed tears on cue
i'll lie to both of us at the same time and swear to god its true
only to find out at the end i really do love you
and right when i change you find out my past and hold it against me
can't get sympathy, but the soundtrack to my life just got nominated for a grammy
and in typical move fashion i get the girl back in the end
as the credits roll my love song begins playin
so when the awards roll around which show will i attend?
and i wonder if my oscar will be for ''the sappy love story'' or ''my nightmare just began''
wanna make it to a place where pain has an ending
if this is a movie please push stop so i don't have to go on acting
wanna be in a happy movie somethin like a sappy love story
but i keep getting pulled out of fantasy back to this reality tv
Crazed: ''so i got lucky award shows being held on diff nights
first night, september 9th, grammy for crazed name up in lights
star studded event, decked out in the latest gear even sprung for a gucchi vest
and i wasn't kidding bout star studded, looks like i reached in the sky and took a star and put it on my neckless
pimpin the scene walking backstage like my shit don't stink''
Todd: ''still stuck in character, my persona has taken over the way i think crazed this is my night my real name will be used, i'm todd thats what imma tell the news.... when the reporters yappin askin''
Reporters: ''how does it feel to be somebody?
you won everything you were up for including best artist at the grammys
not to mention you won best film at the acadamy a few nights later for the sappy love story''
Crazed: ''ugh! you people don't care about my nightmares love prevails over all
well forget all ya'll cus love wasn't meant for me and yes this is crazed talking to ya'll''
Reporters: ''uh oh todd is having a breakdown, keep the cameras rolling, maybe he's a passing trend afterall''
Crazed: ''you want reality? i'll show you a *surreal life* and blur your reality
this is the *real world*, and i'm a *suvivor* even though i'm told i got *big brother* god watching me
Todd: ''want me to boost your ratings? well here goes nothing....
whacha waiting for i said ''nothing'', and this show has giving me the same thing
you feed me plots that only suit crazed and make me have to keep todd locked in''
Crazed: ''clip loadin cus it seems like ya'll want lights camera action
wait fuck this i don't like this situation''
Todd: ''my name is todd, crazed is just for music and movies
why dosen't anyone give a fuck about todd and only want c-r-a-z-e-d?
nobody cares about the real me and that ain't pretend...
JUST KIDDIN! oscar night and i just won for best drama damn i'm great at actin
then i wake up and find out that this movie is reality and my nightmare just began
now please i'm begging you too roll credits till it says the end''
wanna make it to a place where pain has an ending
if this is a movie please push stop so i don't have to go on acting
wanna be in a happy movie somethin like a sappy love story
but i keep getting pulled out of fantasy back to this reality tv
i can't think straight my outlook is to crooked
try to straighten things out but bad visions to vivid
close my eyes for to long end up with a nightmare
eyes open or closed can't escape thoughts everywhere
anywhere i go, everything i see, always follows me
evil calls out to me, curiosity makes me wanna see
so i run towards it like pain and danger don't bother me
end up hurt with scars so deep it looks like the parted red sea
dearly depart me, so i can say hello to my dearly departed
my apologies to the loved ones for all the shit that i started
a steady stream of liquid from your eyes, cus of my demise
resurection is a mutha though unless all i heard were lies
when i arise please let me keep all my memories intact
so when i get back i don't make the same mistakes... in fact
give me the chance to enter the lives of those i left again
make em forget all about the old me, wonder if i can
hold grudges with those that moved on, what an evil plan
told you i was sick, but scrap that i'm not an evil man
just some twisted thoughts that'll prob come around again
surrounded by sin, but trust that my soul is truly gifted
i was givin this sin to live with, hope someday it gets lifted
is it wrong that i want you to miss me when i'm gone?
is it wrong that i want a lot on your mind cus of this song?
is it wrong to wonder how people would feel if i died?
is it wrong that i only believe feelings the times people cried?
my life becomes meaningless the moment you don't care
nothing seems important if you don't want me there
can't shake the feeling that nobody cares when i go away
imma be pissed if i can't watch over my own funeral someday
imma sick ass dude i'm jus curious to hear what they say
as i lay, in a box would i feel a tear hit my face and hear em pray?
as i hover above looking down on it it really makes me weak
my spirit would breakdown cryin if you told me you loved me
wanna hold you but i can't, just send a breeze and hope you know its me
sorry that i always wished for this day, guess got bad karma
never gave any warning signs cus i didn't wanna alarm ya
so if i really was loved my time on earth and went on like i wasn't
i'm sorry for the time i wasted, think sayin that would help but it doesn't
to many people think that i'm truly happy they neva look inside
they think i've had it easy my whole life, been having a free ride
don't know the struggles i've been thru, the pressure on my mental
wish i could take lot's of times back but it's just not that simple
times i was heartbroken and smiled anyway to see if ya dug deeper
not a lot of people did, only a select few were ever true keepers
it's so amazing that i can bottle up so much pain and anger
guess been with it so long i don't even care anymore that it lingers
is it wrong that i want you to miss me when i'm gone?
is it wrong that i want a lot on your mind cus of this song?
is it wrong to wonder how people would feel if i died?
is it wrong that i only believe feelings the times people cried?
why couldn't i see all this coming my way a long time ago?
any and everybody, people of the world hate wherever you go
whether you got gangloads of doe, or you're dirt poe
i'm onto ya'll now though, my reaction time was jus a lil slow
now it's time to let out venom to each situation that got me pissed
false people that hope for my downfall but i gives a yellow piss
about it, and for all that doubted, hold onto my middle finger
let it be the last memory you have of me that lingers
take my other middle finger and throw it at your parents for me
cus it was them that created you, they just had to get horny
created nothing but a hope and dream crusher for me
all because your dad shot u inside your mom instead of where she sees
you atleast should have went thru the mouth and end up in the belly
at the very least a morning after pill should have erased the light of day you got to see
but whatever, not gonna spit another line about that, lay it to rest
damn me and my emotions for getting so vexed, such a pest
i'm at my best when i'm at one with my sarcasticness
tap into the smartass side and you don't wanna be around this
you'll get pissed, i'll get pissed, cus you had the nerve to get pissed
channel the rage of about 911 crazy ass islamic terrorist
put fourth all that fury in a flurry of lyrical jabs that won't miss
i'm so raw in this, i swear i feel like i'm a new man
cocky as hell cus right now i feel like i deserve some fans
panties swinging in the stadium so hard it creates katrina again
a whirlwind of different smells and precipitation from ladies droolin
and i don't even make love songs but i'm feeling that hot
whether i'm right or not isn't important, its in me and thats all that i got
can't worry about what the rest of the world ever thinks
why would i when i think 85% of people in the world stink?
got rotten attitudes, stuck up, thinkin their looks are everything
dickless wonders of the world being bitches overcompensating
people in the world that actually voted for bush twice
troops still ain't come back guess his heart must be made of ice
but it's ok we sit back and listen to Lyfe ''it must be nice''
final word on that subject you don't suck, you just suck at life
***Chorus***
i'm feelin kinda hot, don't you dare touch me
i don't care if you hate me, or if you love me
cus no matter what you say you're thinkin of me
this is all just a prelude to me making you angry
cus i feel nobody but god right now is above me
you bringing me down in this rap? umm not hardly
i look at the artform of putting words together like my very own playground
but i keep on going forward while you go in circles on a merry go round
i run this i've taken it to another level while ya'll just slip and slide
i'm doing what i have to seeing lyrical toys in my mind that got me wide eyed
while ya'll got caught on a bridge in london that collapsed and you died
caught in a fairytale where everything i do is going great
you try to catch up but now you regret the poison apple you ate
no happy ending, credits rolled right there you met your fate
no happy ending, no massage by snow white in china to relieve your aches
metaphorically speaking i must smell bad cus i'm the shit
while you're just literal poo poo harsh but true just deal with it
you're a nitwit, i outwit the the nitwitted when i'm quick witted
the kings throne was vacant until i took it and was quick with it
and if someone was seated before me, i would make them bow before me
recite the pleadge of me, the one they come to see, the one you could never be
almighty, c-r-a-z-e-d, u wanna battle me? i begin to laugh hysterically
thats like tupac going up against pee wee, b-i-g vs barney, or me against everybody
bring your whole army, then stop and try to think right
pull your head outta your ass and say hello to the light
this should be the part where a lightbulb clicks on over your head
went to far over your head with what i said, i smacked the bulb now its dead
I was bored and feeling sappy, sue me :P
can't have what i want, so i sit back and dream
the type of love i've never had, have only seen
it was never within my grasp, never reached far enough
thought a few mite have loved me, had to call they bluff
guess being me isn't everything someone could ask for
feel i give all of me but they always want a lil more
go on ignore, block out my hurt feelings and use the door
try to escape myself for my own sanity's sake
nothing left to stay for once the heart breaks
always starts with heartache, ends with a weak mindstate
question myself on just how much more i can take
sit back contemplate, this couldn't have all been on me
maybe you never were happy and misery wanted company
so please pardon me for loving my ignorant bliss
and confusing loving touches of lips with a goodbye kiss
***chorus***
can't find love, and heart to hidden for love to find me
conflicted stance i take with love and what i want it to be
do i only want love right now just cus i'm lonely
or do i truly want love so i can finally see what it does to me
how would i act if i could have true love for just one day
would i still be the sarcastic person i became or put it away today
become a loving caring person who only wants to listen to a heartbeat
while we lay under the sheets and my head's on your chest as you hold me
run my hands thru your hair until you fall asleep in my arms
love the feeling you have that as long as you're there you're safe from harm
could i really be like that? or would i not know how to act?
ruin sweet moments by being a smartass sayin somethin sarcastic
see you react by pushing me off asking why i gotta be like that
altercation leads to us play fighting, gotta love the foreplay
hold you down and ask if you really mind the words i say
the look in your eyes tells me everything before your mouth does
caress the side of your face, kiss you and pray nothing comes between us
is that what true love is? if so i feel i do want it, it's a must
open up my chest so you can take my heart gotta have trust
treat it with care and promise to always love it, never just lust
i can get used to this feeling but my day is almost over
say goodbye to love for now until in reality i have it forever
can't find love, and heart to hidden for love to find me
conflicted stance i take with love and what i want it to be
do i only want love right now just cus i'm lonely
or do i truly want love so i can finally see what it does to me
you say that you believe in love at first sight?
that ain't right, lust is possible....
but love doesn't even come over night
if love was that easy i wouldn't have this constant fight
going on inside my heart about if living loveless is alright
not sure if it's alright, but it sure does sound clever
pain in heart? ignore it, show no emotion as if it were severed
sometimes ya slip up though and let the heart pitter pat
you start singing love songs in your head yet try to hold back
got somebody on your mind, love everytime ya'll interact
after some time goes by you mite give into the fact
that love can be real ya just gotta know how to act
but it does go deeper then that, gotta be on the same page
rage ensues if you ''love'' but the one you love is in on the ''like'' stage
been on both sides of the struggle never a good feeling
you don't love the person that loves you is what you're constantly thinking
the person you love doesn't love you the same and it leaves your heart reeling
ya'll both try to work on it and it doesn't work even after the tinkering
both of those feelings colide and it leads to broken hearts
nothing seems to make the hurt go away for the most part
ya end up with someone else but you know it's just a rebound thing
your heart is still cracked, still in the process of mending
you cut the rebound loose cus it's not fair to them and you know it
you go back embrace the solitude, rotten mood, ya feel like shit
friends try to pull you out of it, but you're not down with any of it
read or watch a touching love story like ''the notebook'' cry a lil bit
whimpering like an idiot ''omg they grew old and died together'' envy sets in
you sink even deeper into your couch, your self made prison
snap out of it someday and hopefully for your sake go on living
me personally i been through it, honestly heart still not 100 percent
but i'm never gonna hoe it up, be a walking STD who's penicillin reliant
it will happen when it happens, i'll know when it's meant, which in the event,
i will embrace the situation and be thankful to have that love finally
i'm not like most guys who hop on anything, i will sit and wait patiently
