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What are you waiting for?
(Originally written and published at fourculture.com)
Your conception of reality usually relies greatly on your ability to comprehend a simple puzzle presented to you as a brief situation. Sometimes your response to such situations will affect your Intelligence Quotient; other times it will just make you sleepy. Either way, exercising as much of your brainpower as is possible without the use of medication or oral sex can never hurt. So, here are some riddles that challenge your existential awareness (the answers are negotiable).
First, a few for beginners.
Two men appear in the same scene of a movie. One wears a derby on his head. Where does the other wear a derby?
In digital technology, the speed in which bytes are buffered is determined by the strength of the stream sending the data. So what is the difference between DSL and LSD?
A woman paints herself yellow, walks naked in the rays of the Sun and yet is not noticed. Is she jaundiced?
Because of a rail-workers strike, no trains leave the station from noon until midnight and yet someone travels via rail at 1:24 p.m. and even has lunch in a dining car. Barring a possibility of time travel, what train does this someone take?
During a series of nine earthquake aftershocks, six people are purchasing Prada Candy Eau de Parfum. How many are female?
Any numbers of men engage in misogynist behavior at least twice a day, yet none have been involved with women. Have you ever kissed a homosexual?
If you cooked a steak in a pan at top speed, would you be cooking in an airplane or a canoe?
You are trapped against a wall on a Sunday afternoon because a few people are aiming loaded guns at you, threatening to empty the barrels of their guns into your body (note, anywhere on the body except parts covered by a vest). In what city is this taking place? (If you are further inspired by the question, describe the vest.)
A person is stupid. Name that person.
Next, some more complicated challenges. The first comes from ancient Greece.
Amaclamadees was a fake Greek philosopher. He was serious about being a philosopher for a few years before he developed a philosophy that being a philosopher was a total waste of time, as well as it paid poorly. When Amaclamadees quit being a philosopher due to his new philosophy, someone offered him many barrels full of drachma, the widely used currency of the time, to have his philosophy published. In need of money and craving a new wardrobe of tunics, Amaclamadees agreed.
The book he wrote contained many mental puzzles proving the meaninglessness of being a philosopher. Here are two.
Postulate one: A man stands between two columns in front of a building in Athens and spreads his arms full length. Each arm touches the columns on either side of him and he uses all of his strength to move them. When they do not budge he philosophizes by saying, “The weight of that which man creates with his own hands cannot be destroyed by his own hands.” That being true, why can one man destroy the thoughts of another man simply by behaving badly during sex?
Postulate two: Geometry sucks. Explain.
The next complicated mental challenge comes from the 20th century, when mental challenges began to become popular after years of being unpopular.
Two girls have the same mother but one girl has another father. How can one girl have two fathers?
A boat race includes five rowboats with only ten oars. How many people are in the boat that wins?
There are fourteen bald men at a private club for bald men. However, one of them is wearing a top hat. How do the other men know he is bald?
A weightlifter can press 456 pounds, which is twice his weight and twice that of what else in his life?
In a police station, there are a few people in jail that are behind bars. Does the police station serve liquor?
Three women are stranded on an island. How is it they can still shop for shoes?
Is a northern wind a wind that originates in the north or a wind that blows to the north?
A man throws a baseball and a bat swings at it. What is this scenario if not a game of baseball?
A despot is a dictator but not all dictators are despots. How many are there?
Do you think it is time? Have you looked at the clock or a calendar or thought about the history of mankind? Do you feel you can sit back and wait? Are you aware the time is now?
Perhaps you feel you should do some things before "the time" comes but that would be foolish if the time you think will come doesn't come because it cannot come because it is here. Do you think a time could be here and still come? Do you have the opinion that other times will arrive and that those times or one time among those times is just on the horizon and you can see it, taste it and smell it?
You would be wrong, of course. Dead wrong. Mortally wrong.
That time is now.
And it is about time that time is now and those of us who know it don't sit around waiting. Nothing happens if it doesn't happen now, anyway. You should know that. You are going to be in a lot of trouble if you are preparing for a time that won't come because it is already here.
Many, many, many, many years ago--and I mean a lot of years ago--people put a lot of energy into preparation, building things and saving things and making ready things that they thought would be important to have when the time came. But even then, the waiting was a waste because their time was now back then.
Are you absorbing this stuff about time? It isn't a trick or a quiz or a contest. Now is the time, the time is here.
Do you know what else? Times change all over the world in different numbers. When it is daytime in America it is nighttime in Australasia and when it is noon in Shanghai it is another time in San Diego and yet, the time for all of the people in those time zones is now.
Ask yourself this: What time is it?
If you answered now then it's about time you got a grasp on the time and you had better embrace the time that is here or else you may miss everything. That's right--everything.
Think about it but remember, as you are thinking, you are missing the time of your life--now.
