Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies. - Charles D'Hericault

Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist..."he that is not with me is against me." - George Orwell

Women should always wear tight clothes, and men should carry powerful handguns. - Calvin (Bill Watterson)

Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. - Robert Heinlein

"Today we will be having a test."
"I'm ready! I pulled an all-nighter!"
"You studied all night?"
"Oh... ...you're supposed to study?" - MST3K

We must remember that in time of war what is said on the enemy's side of the front is always propaganda and what is said on our side of the front is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace. - Walter Lippmann

Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate. - David Pratt

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up these defenses, you build this whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life. You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They do something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own any more. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. not just in the mind. It's a soul hurt, a body hurt, a real gets inside you and rips you apart pain. I hate love. - Neil Gaiman

How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception. - Alfred de Musset

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fuck off. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What should I eat, someone else's cake instead? - George Carlin

Good ... Bad ... I'm the guy with the gun. - Ash - "Army of Darkness"

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read - Groucho Marx

Humans suffering from a conflict of signals aren't the best people to be holding guns, especially when they've just witnessed a natural childbirth, which definitely looked an un-American way of bringing new citizens into the world. - Good Omens

"ALL YOU CAN HOPE FOR IS THE MERCY OF HELL."
"Yeah?"
"JUST OUR LITTLE JOKE."
"Ngk," said Crowley.
- Crowley in conversation with his superiours - Good Omens

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. - Chang-tzu

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

Life... is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctoral gift that no one ever asks for. Unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you're stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there's nothing else to eat while you're watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it's gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper. - Smoking Man

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. - H.L. Mencken

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

The key to happiness is self-delusion. Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion. - Scott Adams

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