Lorney's blog: "Cant be so!!!"

Iam back...Ive been gone awhile and so here goes the story. Iam not talking to my X anymore..We both just decided it wasnt going to work. So Iam going out alone for New Years Eve, I will however be with a few of my friends though..So I wont be totally alone. HAPPY NEW YEAR!! to all of my new friends on here.

Ok so as you all know I was suppose to see my X this weekend. Yesterday he called to cancel our get together for that night. I asked him if everything was ok and he said he wasnt feeling well. I told him no prolbem and he asked if the kids could play together on Monday and of course I said yes. I dont know maybe its just me but, I think he is trying to avoid be alone with me. Maybe its better this way. We talked on the phone for a little while tonight and I wanted so bad to tell him about New Years. I hate the word no. I didnt ask. I wish it could be him I get to kiss at midnight. I need to stop thinking about him. This is not healthy for me.

I got an e-mail the other day from a friend of mine. The title was called "Very Disturbing" It was a foward e-mail. Anyway the e-mail went something like this. It started off with a picture of a beautiful young woman. Underneath the picture it said her name and how old she was. Then you scroll down and, it showed a picture of the same girl on a beach in Mexico. Then you scroll down some more and there was a picture or her and her dad. This went on for a few more pictures with all of them with her friends and family. Then the next picture was of a car that was totaled. It looked like it had been set on fire. Underneath the picture it said this is was her car and she was in it the night a drunk driver hit her head on and set her car on fire. The next picture was of her after the crash. She lived and her whole body was on fire for alomost one minute. The last picture was of her after 20 more surgerys and she still looked the same. I havent been able to get the image out of my head. Just thought I would share that with everbody. Message for tonight: Dont Drink and Drive.

To all of new friends..yes it goes on....An hour later and he still wants me to come over. He said he is sick...so I asked him if he needed a shot..a shot pussycilian....lol. We are flirting like crazy on the phone but, I just cant go..my body is saying yes but my heart...didnt know I still had one..is saying not yet...I dont know what to do...he said he would leave the door open for me. I think Iam going to wait it out till this weekend. I need some advice...but here is an anwser to a good question I got earlier tonight. Question: If he was a stranger in a crowd would you still feel this way, all hot and stuff. Answer: Oh yeah..even after all these years Iam still breathless...for me that feeling NEVER left.

Iam sitting here and cant sleep. Its 1:15am and I got a phone call from him. It was a short call. He asked if I was sleeping and, I told him no. He then asked if I have slept good since we ran back into eachother. I didnt respond. He then told me that he love to see me....right now!! Of course I said that was impossible. That I have the baby with me. God Iam sitting here so excitied. My girlfriend is here and said she would keep the baby while I go over there. I cant go though..I will be so nervous!! The truth is I havent slept right since we ran into each other but, I could never tell him that. The last new years we spent together we watched a live band play, it was our favorite local band. Well the band is still together and they are playing this new years down the road at the local dive...I really want to go...only if he want to go with me. Iam too scared to ask.... Now what??????

Ok thats right I need some advice. The strangest thing happened to me a few weeks ago. I work nights at a resturant. I live in a very small town, if you blink going through it you will miss it. Anyhow, I was at work a few weeks ago when, I was waiting on a man sitting by himself. I went over and took his order and he said to me is that you Nickole? To my suprise it was my old boyfriend from awhile back. Our break-up was a very hard thing for me. I had never been in love before till the night he asked to marry him, we never did get married. We ended up talking and I gave him my phone number. We have been talking alot on the phone. Well it turns out he has a child the same age as my daughter and, asked if we could set up a play date...all the while Iam thinking is that I would love a play date with him. Ok here is my question is this normal? All those old memories and feelings are rising up in me like a volcano. Iam so afraid to be alone with him, afraid of letting that volcano explode. He brushed up against me in his kitchen while I was getting someting to drink and thought wow my skin is so hot right now What do I do? Is this normal? Should I stop being friends? Should I tell him how I feel? Help, I need my new freinds to help me out.

Ok what the hell is wrong with everybody. I think the holiday season has made everyone gone mad. People on the road so unhappy, I was watching people at the mall...still very unhappy. It seems like Christmas has become a big gift giving thing. I think we have all lost sight of what it is really about. I dread this time of year. I hate going to the stores, Its never been my favorite holiday. Thats all I really have to say about it. Hope I didnt offend anyone. Merry Christams to all my new freinds anyway.

I had a blast this holiday weekend. I met a guy online and, he came down for Thanksgiving. I went out like four nights in a row. Well my dad is a preacher and, all he did this morning after church was lecture me about my life. I think its time you settle down and meet a nice guy...All I could hear was blah blah blah...lol..Iam who Iam. I dont wanna change. Maybe someday I will settle down. Its just not going to be today. I did alot of partying these last few days so Iam going to take it easy for awhile...Well at least until Saturday night...lol. I tried to explain to my dad that I think my prince charming doesnt exist. I was in love once and, I think for me that was enough...Dont wanna go through a break up again. It really sucked. Besides the thought of love makes me ill....I dont want it. I would settle for a naked friend though..lol..just kidding.

Here is a poem I wrote for the love of my life a few years ago. I thought I would share it with my new friends. Here it goes...Tell me what you think. You layed my head on the pillow and kissed my cheek, thats when at your naked body I took a peek. It was perfect from head to toe. Then you entered me and let the rythmn flow. With you inside of me my body was in shock and, you felt solid like a rock. You ran your hands up my back and, pulled my hair. Then we moved from the bed to the chair. I screamed out loud that your body feels like heaven. Thats when I realized I came about seven. I cried for mercy and begged. You dropped to your knees and licked the sweat from my leg. I just hope there is another chance for us but, I cant help to wonder if Iam in love or lust.

Its 845am on Thanksgiving day and, Iam so hung over. I was suppose to cook last night but, instead went out....I had sooo much fun. All of my buds were there. Iam paying for it now, my head hurts. I have to go make cannied yams...yum... Doesnt sound good when you are hung over. Iam getting to old for this shit...lol. Oh and to boot....some dickhead thought it would be cool to e-mail pics of his dick...Iam just not into that...what kind of girl do you take me for?