PussEKatDoll's blog: "yeah well"

I don't usually talk about things like this, as keeping it inside is normally how I deal with things. But I'm going to vent, because that is what I need right now.

I honestly don't know how much more I can take..and I have managed to get through ALOT over the years. But wasn't it a straw that broke the camel's back? I think one more bit of negativity might just do it.

I believe in being positive, and loving and giving but that does not mean that I can always keep my head up in the face of adversity. I'm trying, trying so hard. And have been over the last month or two...but it has all come to a head and I'm sinking fast.

Without even getting into everything else going on, just the past week alone has been so high stress that I'm lucky I don't have high blood pressure.

I'm low on food for my family to start with, and then my fridge goes out and most of what I did have spoiled.

The air died and it's still in the 90's and I don't have a fan for us, nor even the $15 or so it would take to buy one.

It rained so hard this week that it caused a leak in my bedroom and literally started raining on my head while I was sleeping..and even though the rain stopped two days ago..its still been dripping in here ever since. and there's a huge bubble over my head basically, that looks like it's about to explode any day now and douse me with water and plaster (I really even have to stop and laugh at this because this is too ridiculous!)

I am renting my bed and a washer and dryer, and cannot pay for them so they will no doubt be coming to pick them up tomorrow (hello again floor!)

I also will once again have no internet because the laptop I have also goes back..and I need this laptop to work on, otherwise I have no income

The school messed up my daughter's transportation and I had to pay for a cab all week, costing over a hundred dollars...which made me have to take most of my kid's new clothes back to the store so I could pay for that.

And last but not least, my landlord told me last week that if I didnt have the rest of her rent on time this week, she really wants us to move out because she wants her daughter to move in. And guess what...I don't have the $250 I owe her.

I probably wouldn't be feeling quite so sorry for myself if I wasn't so sick right now, but it actually felt good thru the tears to type all this out.

If anyone does happen to read this, just know that yes I know things get better, no the landlord isn't going to fix anything even if she DIDN't want me out (no lease), yes I have tried to get assistance, and am looking for a better job and all of those things. I am not one to sit back, I am a fighter. Always.

Just please allow me my time to be sad, and plz understand why I have been down so much.

It's darkest before the dawn, and life goes on and so will I.

Thank you Fu for the vent.