Turtlelarke AKA The Goodbye Girl's blog: "Brain Damage Poetry"

No cutting in out of line,

Make me take my time.

I'm the girl in the corner,

playing "Little Jack Horner"

Show me that you'll walk that mile,

Just to see me make a smile.

I don't want to fall,

no I don't want to fall,

having no worries, is all.

Make me want you

Make me want to.

Make me face you,

don't make me chase you.

Don't chase me

Just want to play, you see.

If I trip, then catch me

yes catch me.

But no cutting out of line.

Make me take my time.

No fools rushing in.

My shoes worn thin.

Don't play me,

let my song be.

I won't play you,

I have always told it true.

So make me take my time.

I won't waste your dime.

I want to feel

Everything is Real,

so no cutting out of line.

Make me take my time.

 

 

There's something inside me that just won't go to sleep. There's something pulling at me that I don't want to keep. The disease of self has taken its toll. I'm blinded by it's darkness, it suffocates my soul. It seems that no matter how hard I fight, I can never do one thing right. While I refuse to give in to this crushing despair and refuse to ask why life is not fair. I try and cling to a sense of hope, push farther on faith, and learn how to cope. Sometimes life deals us a hard hand, because there's something more we need to understand. More than meaning, more than life. Learning to conquer our depression and strife. When life gets hard it becomes too easy to put up that guard. And that is when we need others the most. Instead of becoming a reclusive ghost. Sometimes the good fight is staying alive, and doing all you can just to survive, for your family and friends never leaving untied ends.

32 Flavors Squint your eyes and look closer I'm not between you and your ambition I'm a poster girl with no poster I am 32 Flavors and then some. I'm beyond your peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head. 'Cause one day you're going to be hungry, and eat most of the words you just said. Both my parents have taught me about good will. And I have done well by their names just the kindness that I've lavished on strangers is more than I can explain. still there's many who've turned off the porch lights just so I would think they we're not home. And hid in the dark of their windows 'til I passed and left them alone. God you help you if you are an ugly girl, of course too pretty is also your doom 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room. And God help you if you are a pheonix, and you dare to rise up from the ash a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy, while you are just flying back. I'm not trying to give my life meaning, by demeaning you and I would like to state for the record I did everything that I could do, I'm not saying that I am a saint, I just don't wanna live that way. No, I'll never be saint but I will always say.... Squint your eyes and look closer I'm not between you and your ambition I'm a poster girl with no poster, I am 32 Flavors and then some and I'm beyond you're peripheral vision, so you might want to turn your head, because one day you will find you are starving, and eating all of the words you just said. Ani DiFranco Be the pheonix, not the jealous.

Joyful Girl I do it for the Joy it brings, because I'm a joyful girl. Because this world owes me nothing, and we owe each other, the world. I do it because it's the least I can do, I do it because I learned from you, I do it because I want to, I want to. When everything I do is judged.. they mostly get it wrong- oh well, this bathroom mirror has not budged, the woman who lives there can tell, the truth from the things they say, she looks me in they eye, and Says"Would you prefer the easy way? No? Well ok, then, don't cry" I do it for the joy it brings because I'm a joyful girl this world owes me nothing, and we owe each other the world. I do it 'cause it's the least I can do, I do it 'cause I learned it from you, I do it 'cause I want to, I want to. And I wonder if everything I do, I do instead... of something I want to do more, questions fill my head. And I know there's no grand plan here, that it's just the way it goes and when everything else seems so unclear well at least I know... I do it for the joy it brings, 'cause I'm a joyful girl. This world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world. I do it 'cause it's the least I can do, I do it 'cause I learned it from you. I do it 'cause I want to, I want to. -Ani DiFranco Do a kind thing for someone today or this week and ask them to return the favor on to someone else. It's time to remember to pay it forward and think of others besides ourselves...we should do this all the time not the holidays, but it seems like people need it more this time of year. Help Change a tire, Pay for someone's toll on the road, give spare change out, Do something and be joyful about it! -Turtle

9-12-98 SURVIVOR OF THE NIGHT On an eerie night of horror and shame, she looked into the mirror, she knew who was to blame. Bruises around her eyes, she remembered her unanswered cries. she wiped a tear from her pale shattered face, and she wearily put her clothes back into there place. Scalding hot water pounding her head, dreary thoughts of hell and places for the dead. She scrubbed herself clean until she was raw. she looked into the mirror and again, she saw.. a frightened little girl overwhelmed with pain. Her heart undignified, bound in chains. She climbed in bed and tried to sleep, her head and heart pounded, her soul began to weep. The sun came up chasing the darkness away. She arose to the dawn of a brand new day. The past still haunted her though she would survive and say "I've made it through that horror, I know I'm still alive" Survivor of the night, givers of light come together to conquer the darkest of deeds to suffice the greatest of needs. She looked at the dawn and saw God above, bestow his gentle hand full of mercy and love. a day, so fresh, so clear. Forgiveness and redemption dear. And through the horror and the fright, came THE SURVIVOR OF THE NIGHT. BY CJR for all of you who have been beaten by husbands or boyfriend, or raped and molested. I've been there and I'm here to talk if you want. you can make it through this.

Into the Storm 7-23-94 There comes a time in everyone's life, to stand up and face their painful strife. To go against the grain and reject the norm, and boldly go into the storm. To face their hatred. To face their fear. To shed every agonizing tear. To weep until they can no longer weep, stopping only to rest and sleep. Though ragged and forlorn, left doubting and loyalty torn. They learn to trust the one true light. Arrayed in Glory, Power, and Might. And drive carefully protected into the storm. where the rains of resentment and winds of disgust, Batter and knock them down depriving them of trust. Where hailstorms try to knock out, and cause a weakening spiritual drought. Battering and withering their misshapen form, As they pursue farther into the storm. And before they even think the end is near, Everything becomes pure and crystal clear. The worst was over The Storm defeated. Trust in God was all they needed. by cjr

Embroidered Skies, of shattered lives, the Pandora's box still sits; Reigning supreme as the Lord of Chaos rules his throne. The edge of sanity, disappearing behind surreal curtains, as the daughters of Cassandra are called home. and once I was, and once I was, But now can be no more. To live my life by the book of the proper has stripped me of my rights. You were there, and so was he, and even still he fights. Delighted in his path towards destruction. Why does it feel to hurt, and love to threaten? Pandora is happy, so long as I am not. And once I was, and once I was, But now can be no more. Life changes, as diamonds cheapen its banal existence. And who are you to deny me! My right, My right to disrupt your little agenda planned by the diabolical jasmine that haunts the air whenever you are around. Take her crown, Pandora won't mind. Her box will claim it for her, and husband Chaos, Her king supreme will shed your blood for water. And once I was, and once I was, But now can be no more. I was deception's red clad maiden once, To believe that things could change. And all the pieces of me that do not fit, is it you, who will rearrange? And who are you? Singing dirges to my bones, When I have not yet passed. To basque in our summer's discontent, I'll be renewed at last. TC Larke

Bullet in my mind, chaos intertwined; running out of time I AM LOST Renegade angels watching my back. Emotions changing so fast that I'm losing track. No way to run from this, no way to hide; from the cesspool of feelings, fouling me up inside. How can I trust? Who can I reach? I'm a one woman island, stranded, on a one man beach. I used to find joy, from the simple things in life. But now I'm fending off confusing, draining strife. I cannot summon words, They are trapped inside my mind. I'm an unsolved mystery, turning heart blind. It does no good to run, no matter what I do. No matter how far I go, THERE'S NO ESCAPE FROM YOU!