momntexas's blog: "Blog This! hehehe"

Headlines On This Date 4 Years Ago (Jan.20, 2008): "Republicans spending $42 million on inauguration while troops Die in unarmored Humvees" "Bush extravagance exceeds any reason during tough economic times" "Fat cats get their $42 million inauguration party, Ordinary Americans get the shaft" ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- Headlines Today, Jan 20, 2009: "Historic Obama Inauguration will cost only $170 million" "Obama Spends $170 million on inauguration; America Needs A Big Party" "Everyman Obama shows America how to celebrate" "Citibank executives contribute $8 million to Obama Inauguration" Yep. There's just nothing like fair & unbiased coverage of the news

The following prayer of St. Francis contains a powerful message: "Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. "Where there is hatred, let me sow love; "Where there is injury, pardon; "Where there is doubt, faith; "Where there is despair, hope; "Where there is darkness, light; "Where there is sadness, joy. "O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; "To be understood as to understand; "To be loved as to love. "For it is in giving that we receive; "It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; "It is in dying that we are born to eternal life." May this New Year bring with it peace and joy. And to one and all -- a happy, healthy 2009.

1. Have a torrid one-night stand with a street mutt. 2. Try to understand that the cat is from Venus and I am from Mars. 3. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener. 4. Circulate petition that Leg Humping be a juried competition in major dog shows. 5. Call PETA and tell them what that surgical mask-wearing freak does to us when no one is around. 6. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds. 7. Hamster: Don't let them figure out I'm just a rat on 'roids, or they'll flush my ass. 8. Always scoot before licking. 9. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much. 10. Get out of the castle more, maybe swim counter-clockwise this year. 11. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock! January 2nd - December 31: Re-live victory over the sock. ...and the Number 1 New Year's Resolution Made by Pets: 12. I will NOT chase the damned stick unless I see it LEAVE HIS HAND.

At Christmas time every girl wants her past forgotten and her present remembered. How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker was getting for Christmas? He felt his presents. How do sheep greet each other at Christmas? Merry Christmas to Ewe! What did the rabbit give his girlfriend for Christmas? A 14 carrot ring! What do reindeers say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you ! Did you hear about the guy who played golf on Christmas and accidentally hit a bird? He got a partridge on a par three. The five year old twins climbed up on their roof. Bobby said, "C'mon, let's jump down the chimney! Just like Santa does!" Billy, "No!" Bobby, "Why not?" Billy, "I'm afraid to go down a chimney like Santa." Bobby, "You must have Claustrophobia." RIDDLES How do snowmen travel around ? By icicle ! How do you make a slow reindeer fast ? Don't feed it ! If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? Missile toe

1. Ladder always out by mailbox 2. 3-foot high basketball hoop on garage 3. Has 14 tiny cars in his garage 4. Bumpersticker on car says "Elves Local 1410" 5. Refers to Santa Claus as "A slave driver"

Santa Claus needed a vacation. He decided to go to Texas because it was warm and he had heard that the people were friendly. As soon as he arrived in town, people began to point and say, "Look! The big red one! Isn't he someone famous?" Santa thought, "Gee, I'll never get any rest if people start asking to sit on my lap and try to tell me things they want." So he decided to disguise himself. He bought a cowboy outfit complete with cowboy boots and cowboy hat. "No one will know me now -- I look just like everyone else!" He thought happily. As soon as Santa started walking down the street people began to point and say, "Look! It's that famous Christmas personality!" Santa rushed around a corner to hide. "It's my beard!" he thought. "They recognize me because of my long white beard!" So Santa went to a barbershop and had his beard shaved off. "I really look like everybody else now!" Santa thought. So he walked down the street with a big smile on his face. Suddenly a man shouted It's him! It's him! Look everybody!" Santa couldn't believe it. He was sure that no one would recognize him. So Santa walked up to the man and said, "How did you recognize me?" The man looked at Santa and said, "You? I don't know you -- but isn't that four-legged guy with the big red nose behind you Rudolph?"

10. It's two feet tall, forty feet wide. 9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?" 8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it. 7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan fora joy ride. 6. Each branch has "Duraflame" printed on it. 5. You brushed the door coming into the house, and now it's totally bare. 4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it. 3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours. 2. Some guy named Akbar puts a cheap Statue of Liberty on top of it. 1. It's constantly bragging about its "trunk size".

TOP FIVE SIGNS CHRISTMAS IS RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER 1. Seriously? You need a sign? 2. Mrs. Claus starting to work on page 4 of the "honey-do" list 3. The stores are starting to put up their Easter Decorations 4. Elves booking Hawaii time-share vacation 5. Santa yelling out, "I've got a sleigh to catch!"

Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney with presents to give, and to see just who in this home did live. I looked all about, a strange sight did I see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree. No stocking by mantel, just boots filled with sand, on the wall hung pictures of distance lands. With medals and badges, awards of all kinds, a sober thought came through my mind. For this house was different, it was dark and dreary, I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly. The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone, curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home. The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder, not how I pictured a United States soldier. Was this the hero of whom I'd just read? Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed? I realized the families that I saw this night, owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight. Soon round the world, the children would play, and grownups would celebrate a bright Christmas day. They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year, because of the soldiers, like this one here. I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home. The very thought brought a tear to my eye, I dropped to my knees and started to cry. The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice, "Santa don't cry, this life is my choice; I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more, My life is my God, my country and my corps." The soldier rolled over and drifted off to sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep. I kept watch for hours, so silent and still, and we both shivered from the cold's night chill. I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight. Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure, whispered, "Carry on Santa, it's Christmas Day, all is secure." One look at my watch, and I knew he was right, Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night. -- by Major Bruce Lovely c Fort Leavenworth Lamp, 1995

I play Santa at Maui's biggest mall A little boy 8 came to see me and he had a 6 year old sister. When he finished, the father came and told me the girl had gotten in trouble at school the day before and had her recess taken a way. He told me she didn't know that he and the mom knew as they were figuring out what to do. He asked if I would say something, I said sure. The girl had pulled down a little boys pants at school. The girl and Mom came over neither knowing I knew. I asked the normal stuff then asked what she wanted for Christmas. She told me about 5 things and I said is that all? She told me 5 more. I then asked have you been that good for all that stuff? She said oh yes I've been really good, At that point I said "You call pulling down a little boys pants good?" She reared back and looked at me and said YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT ALREADY!!!! I told her I know about everything as I'm always watching. The look was priceless on her and her moms face.