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Facade

I do not claim credit for this -
-
-
Oftentimes
I feel alone
standing
in the midst
of a crowd,
and the only friends
I have are
the demons
inside my head.
I try as hard as I can
to run away
from the inevitable,
just to find myself
trapped in a corner
so vulnerable
and helpless.
I am a prisoner
of my own thoughts,
a prey of my own emotions,
a puppet of anger and guilt
hiding behind a facade
of happiness.
 

 

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late night pondering

I lay here, in bed. Way passed bed time (thanks daylight savings time).


A lot of things have transpired in the last 2 months. One of the best being this fantastic woman I happened to meet...here on FU of all places. For the longest time, she was right under my nose. Never once, in all those months, had we ever spoke. Then for some spontaneously random  reason, around my birthday this year, reached out to her randomly. The "click" was immediate. She mentally consumed me on the spot. Like a black hole devouring everything within the event horizon. I don't know what it was about this woman, but I was completely at her mercy. Maybe it was fate, maybe good timing during current life events....I don't ponder the reasons anymore. Because it's a futile effort trying to examine, and determine, exactly why and how this has come to be.

 

I don't know why exactly, but she seems to doubt how bad I actually crave and need her. She is, for all intents and purposes, my drug. My daily antidepressant...my living, breathing, ssri. I love her, and cherish her. She truly is the sunshine of my rainy days that helps to combine with my rain to create a beautiful rainbow. I just wish she believed that.

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