Sexy Vamp Rolyzzz's blog: "blog blog and more blog"

doesn't anyone take the time to read profiles anymore? i mean seriously...if we took the time to write it shouldn't we expect the common courtesy of it being read by all who venture onto our profiles? i mean, hell, i'm sorries to be a bitch but if you ask me a question that i wrote the answer to on my profile...nevermind...

What is wrong with the world: I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didnt have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person everyone thinks is confused because I am attracted to men and women. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Your Mind is NC-17 Rated

You're mind is so filthy... you should should be washing every part of you out with soap. If your thoughts can go dirty, they do. Almost everything is NC-17 to you!

darkness exudes from my blackened heart enveloping me stripping me from within blackened by the heartache and brokenness i’ve endured all my life i lived my life in miserable solitude consumed by thoughts of morbidity and pain questions constantly running through my mind if i never saw you again, what would i do? for certain i’d lose all hope for existing what else is there to live for? my blackened heart would bleed chrome blood my eyes would cry bloody tears wistful thoughts would fill my brain as my yearning grows stronger and stronger never did i think i’d love this way this deeply… this emotionally… this intensely… to lose you would be to lose myself for without you there is no me my days and nights would all be a blur filled with longing… with loss… with a yearning to my unanswered questions of our future together a future filled with promise… a future filled with love… a future no one would understand but us not that it would matter not that we would care all that matters is the love we share without it, what else is there?

Turmoil lost... confused... solace... discontent... apathetic... at war with myself... part of me misses... part of me craves... part of me desires... part of me yearns...for your love i thought you had forgotten me moved on with your life that i was a thing of the past a phase... a triumph... a trophy... but to myself i felt a failure i thought you didn't care that the love we shared was a farse yet i knew in my heart that was far from the truth when you left i knew you had to that it was not because of me you wanted a better life... you had to get away... so who am i to stop you? but no longer having your warm body wrapped around mine put terrible thoughts in my head i kept blaming myself for your absence did i not keep you happy? satisfy your every need? want? desire? if i'd done something differently you still be here? holding me? kissing me? caressing me? loving me? we'd be married today probably with kids, what you think of that? and now you're calling once again… my heart is filled with contentment could you the one i'm destined to be with? our conversations are still the same we know what each other is thinking able to finish each other's sentences our personalities just click you want me back... another chance... is this a dream? it is it's as if my dreams were coming true the Lord has answered my prayer... for something i've wanted for years… that something is you i miss you i want you i need you i love you

why do you do the things you do? you’re driving me insane! yet if i ever lose the love you give i’d never be the same people often wonder why the hell we’re together they see us bitch hear us quarrel witness our hurtful barrage towards each other they’ll never understand, will they? that’s just how we are! sarcasm at it’s best it comes natural to us both you’re there for me as i for you no matter the circumstance that will always be true there are times when you’re being cordial… those are times i’m fearful of… you’re not being yourself something’s wrong! my mind races to find the cause… solve the problem… my God, am i in love? perhaps… then again, perhaps not… only time will tell when it does, will you reciprocate?

you greeted me from high as i entered a kind demeanor, a warm hello and every day you i’d see from my spot down below yet you’d always bring yourself down to my level stooping or sitting to lessen the distance dear friends we became through sightings of frequence yet over the years my feelings have deepened… as in you i confide my woes and triumphs every day i long to see you with that sincere yet mischievous smile i know deep inside you feel the same as i yet how do we cross that line? from friends to lovers, that’d be nice we’ve been on several dates… though i truly wish they went farther… i cherish every moment we’ve spent together talking, laughing, just hanging out but a question keeps nagging me at the back of my brain… if i made a move, would you look at me the same? it’s a chance i’ve wanted to take for years… yet, my King, how would you receive it? you call me your Princess, i’d rather be your Queen

consumed by emotions too strong to control when the mere thought of you fills my entire being with desire thoughts so intense they seem real… thoughts so real i simply become exhausted… exhausted at the memory of your touch… the feel of your hot breath on my neck… our bodies entwined into one… thoughts that drive me to the brink of insanity… could this be real? is it a mistake? overwhelmed by confusion and fear… yet a second chance with you… a chance i’ve waited six long years for… is worth the risk… reject me you may… but it’s a chance i’m willing to take… six years is a long time to wait… but to miss this opportunity may be my greatest mistake…

long lost love one that i’ve prayed to return the devastation i endured when it was stripped from me endless nights pondering as to why… with desires for you still burning within driving me to the brink of insanity a continuous yearning… a head filled with fantasies of what could have been… visions full of promise… a life filled with love… our destiny was to be together yet you took that all away six years of misery… six years of pain… six years of uncertainty… will i ever love again? then fate stepped in perhaps it was god… you found me again can we pick up where we left off? or start over anew? both having matured greatly drastic changes have taken place our lives are no longer as they once were… no longer the same individuals… yet the love we had for each other still burns within… time? yes sacrifice? of course worth it? definitely