MrAI the perfect role model's blog: "Blah Blah Blah"

So.. I haven't had a lot to say over here lately.. but I finally got up off my ass and am attempting to finish what I started... I enrolled in college last month.. after a BRIEF 29yr break.. I'm probably the oldest freshman in history... I'm excited and nervous.. I decided to do online classes 1st to get my feet wet... I am working on promises I made to my late mom and late wife.. to go back and get that degree...:) 

Things are moving rapidly.. but not at a scary pace... I can handle it.. and I am welcoming the changes... I never thought I'd be happy again... but here I am.. all happy and shit... I'm getting married in 8 days..... while she or nobody else could ever replace Yolanda... it feels good to love again... she knows she doesn't have shoes to fill.. she has to walk her own path along side me... I am about to "inherit" 2 more wonderful kids... so now I'll be a husband again.. and a father of FOUR.. omg.. oh and I'm also a 1st time Grampa...Wow... life changes... My #NewNormal is now just my "Normal"... and it's wonderful.

So... my niece is fb friends with my estranged son... I found out today through her that I am now a gramps... I'm happy for him... I know he will be a great father to his new daughter... better than I was a father to him... and I'm also sad... because I may never see my grandchild.... 

It's been 2yrs today since you went to be with the Lord.... no tears today.. so far... I miss you... I'm in a good place.. with life.. with work.. with RJ.. we are settled in.. We love you.. forever... continue resting Yolanda... 

I think it's time to say goodbye here... I've made REALLY good friends from this site. and I appreciate that... but there's no fun here for me any longer... I'll keep it active for another week so people that want to keep in contact can share info... 

So Sunday was spent with Yolanda's family... Even though we are no longer "related".. they still consider me family.. I really appreciate that.. it helps tremendously for me and RJ.... those 6hrs just flew by... playing games... eating.. and the night ended with impromptu karaoke... I'd like to think that God rolled back the clouds and let Yo look down on us and smile... Definitely a very good day!! 

Hey Yolanda, I have great news today... RJ did it.. he's officially an 8th grader... he brought the 2 Fs up to Ds... I am so proud of him.. I know you are too... He still struggles.. but he's willing to try... considering all the turmoil that's been in his life in the last 3yrs... He could have been lost forever... He made the basketball team.. he will be busy ... summer basketball as well as summer enrichment to help him bring up his grades... He's strong... and mentally tougher than you can imagine.... He's becoming a man...he's as tall as I am now.. and his mustache is visible even from a distance.... Continue to smile down on us... we miss and love you!! 

This past weekend would have been 16yrs of marriage... I celebrated alone very quietly.. with a prayer... and thanking her for the wonderful years we had together... Then I just sat and remembered the great times... I miss her so much... but the pain is much more bearable... I am healing slowly... the tears are more of joy now instead of sadness... I appreciate what we had... Yolanda.. I miss you.. and I'll always love you. 

Crutches

Stress… work… raising a kid alone… money
Boredom… STARVING… anger… sadness

These are my “crutches” … my excuses for not eating healthy
For binge eating… for late night cravings.. for just being greedy

I have used beating other “addictions” as an excuse to maintain this one…. I haven’t done drugs or alcohol in 16yrs.. so I deserve to have this vice

I could choose exercise as my vice… I could be addicted to salads…
I could crave water… I could meditate to relieve stress… 
I could read a book when I get bored… I DEFINITELY should pray when I’m angry… I could eat until I’m no longer hungry instead of eating until I’m stuffed and can barely move….

My biggest motivation to kick my food addiction is RAISING A KID ALONE… I am all he has… but I use fear and sadness of this to eat even more… my biggest excuse is don’t have time… 
I know I don’t have to be in a gym to exercise … Time to get rid of the crutches… and walk upright.. AND HEALTHY!!