Ashley's blog: "Bitter Poems"

The Bitter Truth You say one thing Yet you mean another You try to be up front While hiding beneath a cover Why are you so selfish? And why so ignorant? What exactly does life mean to you Or should I say, meant? I've never known someone so fake Someone who can't speak the truth Someone so terribly insecure Someone so cruel, someone like you Why did you have to be like this You started off quite fine You would always say how much you care I guess that was just another "line" I just sit around and remember Of how much I used to enjoy your name And how I so dearly loved To play your little game But now finally I know That you aren't at all what I thought And its a damn shame too, Because I hoped so much for you, a lot

Oh, I can't believe you! Why did you do it! I don't even know what you did. I just saw the aftermath. But, it sure must have been bad because there were a lot of police and the assault rifles drawn at your home. What, why did you do it??? You had a rough life okay I know that. I know your pain was so strong. I knew you were wounded I just didn't know that you were so mortally wounded. I think you did it this time. I think you're lifes over. How, how could you have done this. How could you have DONE THIS!!!!!! I just want to scream at you. You had help. We helped you. We did everything for you!!!!! How could you do this? I just don't understand how... How could you turn you back and forsake your own self to be addicted to be a slave to substance...so much so that you would do this????? My pain for you and against you is so strong that I can barely breathe right now. Why did you reject the way? Now look what you did to yourself! To your family! To anyone who loves you! Do you even care?! Somewhere in there I always hoped that there was a soul. Remember when we used to go to church? What happened to you?!? You're only 24 and you're life is over. All because of what you did. I don't know what emotion to experience. I wanna cry, I wanna call your dad, I wanna scream at you. Yet, I do nothing. I just sit and pray and silently angrily mumble under my breath my thoughts of you aloud. Did you ever love me at all?

You maze watch wonder where roadblock stop and stare tunnel deeper cower low stall shuffle never go hide lock toss the key walls slam not free why when look high blind walls above sky © J.Simon

X-Ray Lenses your soul must be dark i see no light your mind must be weak i see no strength your eyes must lie i see no truth you must be dead i see no life- © R.Lore

Monday, April 23, 2007 No More Drama I only have one request. No more drama please. I'm not craving any new drama thanks. Nor am I the queen of drama. I'm 23...I'll be 24 in a couple months. I'm almost in my mid-twenties. Not mid-teens. If you are so unhappy with me, if you don't like me, if you wish I was gone...why do you keep trying to hurt me over and over??? Why don't you just let me go? Let go. You're the one who walked away. You're the one who is lost in the darkness. I can't see you anymore. Not even a little bit. Not at all. So what do you want me to do about it? I'm tired. I can't keep fighting. I can't have a life full of fights. Fighting sure is good. Sometimes. And when you're fighting for light. When you're fighting for breath. When you're fighting for betterment. If you're fighting a battle you can win. But, I THINK I can't win this battle. And I'm lost in too much. The hole is too deep, the rope is just short. I think I'll let go Gone

Saturday, March 17, 2007 I won't be seeing you anymore I should be glad I'm finally rid of you... Maybe our friendship wasn't so right. I put on my rose colored eyesight, Always making it seem so bright... Trying to find something beautiful, Trying to see something good in you... But there's nothing but selfishness, Nothing but arrogance - and its for the best... That I cannot see you, That I cannot hear you, That I don't really even want you... As a friend...Anymore! I feel so happy and strong, I'm so glad I knew all along... Deep down I didn't let go, I held strongly onto MY soul. You can never have, What you can't understand, And you don't have a clue, Who I was to you. You always seem to use people up, And you always have such good luck. Nothing seems to ever bring you down - You have everything -- and yet you frown! Nothing's good enough for you, And half the time...you don't even come through... You lie and fake your promises, And use up all of your chances. But those are never ending... Someone's always defending, Believing in you ... And backing you without knowing, It seems you never get what's coming to you. And it seems destruction is all that you do, And you think you don't need to be forgiven, You just keep right on taking ... never giving. You seem so happy without your soul, Why did I ever think I could help make it whole? Cause being fake is all that you seem to do. I don't know what I ever saw in you. Looking back I see such ugliness in you, I thought you were beautiful somehow, But I really can't even see it now. And I'm not sorry for the things I said, Not going to apoligize for what I did... Because you have nothing worthwhile (though you could), You were faking it all the while... And it comes as no surprise... You are not some big prize. You think you're so precious, So much better than the rest of us... Well I'm here to tell you that isn't true - You need to realize that it's not you, Bringing this love and luck to your side - But who your friends are inside. They are the ones who shine, So precious was their love and mine... And you take it all for granted, Your views are so slanted! And you are so wrong! I wish I could just sing this song... I wish you would wake up to all of this... I wish yours wasn't my judas kiss. Something's got to give someday, You can't always get your way.... It's just not fair to anyone else, How all you think of is yourself!