I know where I want it to go; I want the one I’m with to be my best friend my confidant. i want to know that I can confide in that person no matter what it is that life throws at me her or us, that the trust that’s built isn't in vain. I don’t want to give trust and not have it in return. I am single right now, I am trying to figure out the next step in my life and where do I want to go (literally), What do I want to do. Because I feel like what I'm truly looking for, I will never find. Because of the emptiness that I feel right now, I don't want to just meet someone. I want to be in a relationship with them in such a way that when we do meet the only thing that we can move it forward in being together. I know that’s not right but that’s how I feel. Being together and having them feel what I feel, I think they would understand the emotion of how what I say is true but only If their real themselves. I am a very loving person; sometimes I feel that I’m two loving. I have been out on dates; The funny thing about that is, facts of what they tell me " you are not like everyone else", They don't want to be with me because of that or they rather have a ruff neck . So the way I am looking at is, I will never get past the meet and greet. I am not like the next person. I have had a woman tear me down take all my money and leave me hi and dry. That’s the thing I am serious about it. But, there not what they have done is use the fact that I am serious about it. to their advantage Even thought, I was there for them . Did everything that I can do for them, what I got in return "fuck you". So, now that I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to thought it out of, everyone is looking at me like I am a bum. I know I’m not; Not in my heart or mind. I know what I need to do. Because of what has been done to me I cannot get that way to start. If this happen then that will happen that type of thing. I’m not looking for a hand out. I am looking for help in moving forward. I feel that for the person that help me get started. One: I will never forget that. Two: and most importantly it will be returned. I have bought houses cars and other things that were important to the family or the person I was with so that can sleep well at night. In return now i get hatred from them even my own blood family. I don't want to be where I am now but I have no choice in the matter. I do understand now why people do the things that do, when things in their lives turned against them. I can honestly say that I understand now. Have I learned from it? Absolutely!