350012's blog: "big bird"

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and > generic name. > For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of > Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call > Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. > > The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After > careful > consideration by a team of government experts, it recently > announced that > it > has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered > were > Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, > Ibepokin. > > Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in > liquid > form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage > suitable for > use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour > himself > a stiff one. Obvi ously we can no longer call this a soft drink, > and it > gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and > just a good > old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi will market the new concoction > by the > name of: MOUNT & DO. > > If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will > be five > fewer people laughing in the world

The marriage of an 80 year old man and a 20 year old woman was the talk of > the town. After being married a year, the couple went to the hospital for > the birth of their first child. > > The attending nurse came out of the delivery room to congratulate the old > gentleman and said, "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?" > > The old man grinned and said, "You got to keep the old motor running." > > The following year, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of > their second child. The same nurse was attending this delivery and again > went out to congratulate the old gentleman. > > She said, "Sir, you are something else. How do you do it?" > > The old man grinned and said, "You gotta keep the old motor running." > > A year later, the couple returned to the hospital for the birth of their > third child. The same nurse was there for this birth and after the delivery > she approached the old gentleman, smiling, and said, "Well, you surely are > something else. How do you do it?" > > The old man replied, "It's like I've told you before, you gotta keep the old > motor running." > > The nurse, still smiling, said to the old gentleman, "Well, I guess it's > time to change the oil. This one's black."

Marriage (Part I ) > >Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and > >after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: > >"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time > >I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. > > I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless > >I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. > >I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing > >when I want with my old buddies, and don't you > >give me a hard time about it. > >Those are my rules. Any comments?" > > >His new bride said: > >"No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex > >here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not." > >(DARN SHE'S GOOD!) > > ************************************************ > > Marriage (Part II)> > > Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding >anniversary! > > The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone > >that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!" > > > "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone > >that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!" > > (HE ASKED FOR IT!) > > >***************************************** > > Marriage (Part III) > > >Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. > >Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no > >good in bed either," and storms out of the house. > > After some time he realizes he was nasty and > >decides to make amends and rings her up. > >She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, >" What took you so long to answer to the phone?" > > She says, "I was in bed." > > >"In bed this early, doing what?" > > > "Getting a second opinion!" > > > (YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!) > > ***************************************** > > Marriage (Part IV) > > >A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. > >He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his > >wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. > > > One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go >home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He >shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?" > > >His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, > >shouts right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four." > > >(RIGHT ON, LADY!) > > ***************************************** > > THE SILENT TREATMENT > > A man and his wife were having some problems at home > >and were giving each other the silent treatment. > >Suddenly the man realized that the next day he would need his wife > >to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. > >Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a >piece > >of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would >find it. > >The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it > >was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. > > >Furious, he was about to go to see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he > >noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. >Wake up." > > > Men are not equipped for these kinds of con tests. > > ***************************************** > > God may have created man before woman, but there > >is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. > > > ************** *************************** > > Send this to smart women who need a laugh > >and to men you think can handle it. > It's ......"one nation....UNDER GOD"... or bite my fat ass and leave..!!!!!! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TV dinner still cooling?

PAY ATTENTION ! LOVE THIS Rules for the phone. How ALL business phones SHOULD be answered! GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. Press "1" for English. Press "2" to disconnect until you learn to speak English And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.

1) Did you fart? Cuz you blew me away. 2) Are yer parents retarded? Cuz ya sure are special. 3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea. I can't hold it in. 4) Do you have a library card? Cuz I'd like to sign you out. 5) Is there a mirror in yer pants? Cuz I can see myself in em. 6) If you was a tree I were a Squirrel, I'd store my nuts in yer hole. 7) You might not be the best lookin girl here, but beauty's only a light switch away. 8) Man - "Fat Penguin!" Woman - "WHAT?" Man - "I just wanted to say something that would break the ice." 9) I know I'm not no Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make yer bed-rock. 10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went inta this cheap motel room. 11) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner. 12) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin, we kin sleep til afternoon. and.... the best for last! 13) Yer face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up.