Divine Miss Kat's blog: "Believe"

Kept at arms length

Saving myself from you

I won't let you in

I can't let you see

I can't open myself

The darkness will enter

It will find it's home in my heart

There won't be room for you

the fear and doubt crowds in

You could be anything

I give up my way

And lose myself...not today...

Too much to lose

Don't dare tell me you love me

Do you know what love is?

You held me down and screamed you wanted me to love or die

 I make my own way

Without your hand,

lost and alone but safe...

Never knowing which is worse...

Alone and dead, or broken and alive...

I can't get through this day

I give up my will to the angel at my side

I lose myself in the mist,

the darkness inside me

She carries me through the night

She kisses away my tears,

the nightmares and fears

So pretty in my pain,

tear stained eyes,

shattered dreams

I pass between worlds

as she fights my demons

She sees the light in me,

that fear has blinded me of

She sees what others do not see

So run, run, run, run little angel

Save me, if it feels right...

if you know...

if it's me you need

I can hear their screams,

other lost souls Sickened in the sun

, my soul feels broken

She holds me down to earth and screams "LIVE,LOVE,LAUGH"

I awoke and was alone,

alone and alive

I looked to my side

and saw no one but me

My reflection in the wind,

the angel inside was me

A new day is given,

a new canvas

A new place to paint a life in vivid color.

At last I sigh...

Star crossed souls trapped behind promises

We make our way through the dark any way we can

we find peace burning away at the end of the day

Lost in a smoke filled room

we hear only the voices

Every fight, every aspiration gone wrong,

every tear

We miss the days gone by when life seemed clear

We find our forgotten selves hiding in the shadows

Shying away from the world for fear of them seeing

Seeing the fire that still burns inside us

The need to taste passion for the bittersweetness

So we reach out across the miles and find other pieces

Other lost souls in need of redemption

And we find a moment of peace within them

Every Word I said "I'm a victim of love" You said "Only of circumstance" Maybe I didn't try hard enough Or I simply failed to dance I take these pills to fill my soul But somehow I feel empty I drink them down with cheap alcohol But I simply just forget me I find myself so far in I cannot see the way out I do not know how to begin Nothing left but shadows of doubt I had to run, I drove away To put you far behind me But at the end of every day You are still all that I can see Your voice echoes in my head Pushing me to be more than I am I heard every word you said I am doing the best I can So, I'll pick myself up one more time And make myself get out of bed I'll never know the reason or rhyme But I'll remember every word you said.

My serenity (12/2/04)

The darkness blooms beyond sight

Inside myself i hide

I've given over to the temptation

of the thoughts inside my head

I beg for forgiveness for my sins

Only silence answers

I beg to understand my place

Please give me the eyes to see

Chorus: God grant me the serenity

Grant me the right to believe

Give me the eyes to see beyond the dark

I accept what I cannot change

Yet I lack the courage to fight

Will you stand beside or forsake me

God grant me the serenity

 

I stand here before you

Naked and alone

I run from what I don't understand

only shadows of a former life

I've broken myself

unmending pieces fall around me

I beg to find my home

Please show me the way

Chorus:

God grant me the serenity

Grant me the right to believe

Give me the eyes to see beyond the dark

I accept what I cannot change

Yet I lack the courage to fight

Will you stand beside or forsake me

God grant me the serenity

I Want You. I want you when the shades of eve are falling And purple shadows drift across the land: When sleepy birds to loving mates are calling- I want the soothing softness of your hand. I want you when the stars shine up above me, And heaven’s flooded with the bright moonlight: I want you with your arms and lips to love me Throughout the wonder watches of the night. I want you when in dreams I still remember The ling’ring of your kiss-for old time’s sake- with all your gentle ways, so sweetly tender, I want you in the morning when I wake. I want you when the day is at its noontime Sun-steeped and quiet, or drenched with sheets of rain; I want you when the roses bloom in June-time; I want you when the violets come again. I want you when my soul is thrilled with passion; I want you when I’m weary and depressed; I want you when in lazy, slumbrous fashion My senses need the haven of your breast. I want you when through field and wood I’m roaming; I want you when I’m standing on the shore; I want you when the summer birds are homing- And when they’ve flown-I want you more and more. I want you, Dear, through every changing season; I want you with a tear or with a smile; I want you more than any rhyme or reason- I want you, want you, want you-all the while.

Save me

The body is broken

The heart is fragile

I hide behind the smiles

You see only what you want

A reflection of yourself

Does that make you feel better?

I let you see what you can handle.

Masks protect me from the world

No one knows my name

They see the girl in the mirror

The pretty painted face

Green eyes that hide hatred

Hate that fuels the rage

I cut myself to know I bleed

Did you really think you knew me?

I lie in the dark and weep

Pain, it makes me bitter

I feel no hope,

no love

There is no warmth on my face

No sun to guide my way

I beg the world for salvation

I'll let you see me

Masks protect me from the world

No one knows my name

They see the girl in the mirror

The pretty painted face

Green eyes that hide hatred

Hate that fuels the rage

I cut myself to know I bleed

Did you really think you knew me?

Save me.... Please save me..... Take away my pain..... Save me....

 A single teardrops falls,

staining the flesh with pain.

Inside, my mind recalls,

remembering the way again.

A single reminder of the past,

the darkness giving over to light.

Realizing this was not the last,

the cloud removed from my sight.

Inside that single teardrop lies,

like a lonely ship at sea,

The mystery hidden inside the eyes.

All the things that are yet to be.

It's with this single lowly tear,

I remove you from my life.

I have nothing left to fear,

I am free from pain and strife.

I do not look behind me now,

only ahead at what could be.

I found the strength inside somehow.

I looked in the mirror and saw; me

 I was able to forget your taste

 and save those memories for another year.

And leave the memory of your face,

locked inside a single tear.

Who am I? Depends on who you ask. Some see nothing more than a little girl, or a freak of nature to be pitied or feared. Others see a woman guided by a singular purpose, driven, loyal and lovely. Who am I? As I stand under this hot light and look into this mirror, I see a girl and a woman. I see a heart once broken but learning to mend. A daughter looking up to her old man, who cannot give her the answers she needs because she finally sees him as human. A lost soul in search of a God and an insurmountable truth. A lover learning that the body and heart really can be one. A youth in search of a road. Ive since found that road, and soon, I'll know how far I've gone and who next I'll become. We're all born the same, unfettered by preconceived limitations. Eventually, we submit to laws. There are those we must embrace in order to be free... The laws of iron and discipline. Then there are those we must challenge for that very same freedom... The laws of conformity and small-mindedness. The weight of these chains are so subtle, we forget them. This is how we are shackled, tamed, broken. Normalcy becomes the rule and we grow comfortable with limits. Like a dog at the end of a leash, we move but never of our own will. It is time to defy, time to rise up... I will test my mettle, pull hard against these restraints. I will not let conventional thinking rule me. As I stand here, the chain will bury deep into my flesh, the weight will pull me down. But I will fight! I will defy gravity. If I fall, I will get back up. Life is short and every minute that passes hurtles us closer to the end. In the time that I have, I have bound myself to this chosen life and it to me-these words are the contract that bind me to this sport... Upon it, I have signed my name in blood.

I look out across the land and I see so many things, war, poverty, military, but then someone begins to sing, a tiny voice dying to be heard, lost in a cold, dark wasteland, One singular soul crying out, ready to take a stand. They say music soothes the savage beast, Forcing hope upon us, like an overzealous priest. Our pain, misery and doubt drift away upon the strains, washed away into the deep like the tiniest of grains. Each melody brings new faith in the world we see, and teaches us to be more than we were made to be. When the world seems to weigh more than you can bare, look inside your heart and find your inner song to share