I’ve decided to start a section of writing called “Human Behaviors”. The point behind these articles will be to show my feelings and understandings when it comes to the behavior of individuals in this world. Those of you that know me well know that I’ve a very analytical and logical person, and for the most part, I can tell a lot about you from the first ten minutes of interaction with you, especially if we’re face to face. I’m incredible at reading body language and body movements.
Anyway, this article is about trust
There are many variables that make a person who they are. I believe that the ability (or lack there-of) to trust other individuals is a big part about how people act/react in a situation.
I believe that the default human behavior is to trust everyone you come across. Think about it, when you were a kid, did anyone need to “earn” your trust? No, they didn’t, because the World was simple, everything you heard was a truth, even things that contradicted others, because, somehow, in your mind, everything could co-exist in harmony, no matter how different they were.
As we age, we begin to see the World for what it is a place full of lies, half-truths, and false promises. As we are exposed to this harsher environment, our ability to trust changes. We find it harder to trust people as we are lied to more and more, or we stop trusting all together. We even begin to question people that have never lied to us and have been nothing but truthful.
When we get to the stage that we finally allow someone close enough to trust them entirely, and they do something to betray that trust, it tears at your soul, you question they’ve ever told you, you even begin to question people that are in no way connected to the subject. To keep from feeling this pain, we, as humans, put up an emotional barrier, so to speak. This barrier can be strong or weak, it depends on the will power and how bad the person that puts it up has been hurt in the past, and how many times. The more times and the more severe the pain is, the stronger the emotional barrier will be.
Sometimes it takes a long time, but eventually everyone in this world has been/will be hurt bad by someone they trust, be it a friend boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse, or family member, everyone in this lifetime is going to be exposed to letdowns, broken promises, be lied to, and be hurt, some people more than others.
As we put up our emotional barriers and allow less and less people to get to our heart, some of us will grow cold, and angry. These people are the people that dwell on the feelings that they felt when they were betrayed, something goes through their mind, they like feeling that pain, because it’s a reminder of what could happen again, this helps them reinforce the emotional barrier, make it stronger, and even harder for people to get in.. (I.E. emo kids do this a lot, which is why most of them feel alone, because they don’t allow people inside their heart and through the emotional barrier) The barrier that is put is also just a variable; it will only be there as long as the person allows it to be there. If the person doesn’t dwell on the feelings and allows themselves to heal, their barrier may be taken down quickly, if the person dwells and relives the experience over and over again, they may never remove the barrier.
As we keep pushing forward in life, our heart will become slightly callus (for lack of a better term). We will ignore the strangers, not even stopping to say hi, or attempt to meet them (Good example is any small city to metropolitan area, go there and see how many friendly faces you see if you’ve never been around the people before). We do this because even though most people aren’t, we all start to feel paranoid, (subliminally) that because we don’t know them, they could possibly be out to emotionally scar you, so you don’t let them in, you don’t give them the time of day. No smile, no look, eventually you see right through strangers, just like they’re physical obstacles.
Think of how great a place the World would be if we could go back to the default behavior and trust everything we heard. However that will never be possible, because in this World, there’s not one person that won’t lie, cheat, or steal to get ahead (especially in the United States). Therefore we all need our barriers that we’ve build and stand behind. However, rarely meeting new people and giving them the opportunity to get behind the barrier wouldn’t all be a bad thing.
Written by: Denton Melvin
1/31/06
4:31 PM
