BDSM: It stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.
BONDAGE: The practice of restraining your victim. This most commonly involves rope, but can also involve chains, leather straps.
DISCIPLINE: Discipline can have various meanings. It can be a synonym for a system of training. It can also be what happens to you when you are bad. Play discipline (or play punishment) is a term that denotes that a punishment is not serious, but strictly for fun.
DOMINANCE: Dominance basically means that one has been given some measure of control by the submissive person (this level obviously varies) and in exchange for the submissive’s obedience, the dominant takes control and assumes the responsibility of caring for the submissive and for both partners’ general well-being, either for the purpose of a scene or for a longer period of time.
DOMINANT: (also Dom, Domme): A Dominant is one who derives emotional and/or erotic satisfaction from a partner’s surrender of control. This could be surrender of control in erotic situations only, or in varying levels of life decision-making, or both. A dominant is often also (but not necessarily) a sadist.
S&M: (Sadism & Masochism, or SM, S/M): Used to denote the physical activity of pain given and received.
SADIST: One who receives erotic pleasure from the application of pain. A sadist is NOT:
a wife-beater, a rapist, a serial killer, a kicker of dogs and a stealer of candy from babies. This misconception is common. While it is certainly not impossible that an erotic sadist could be any or all of these things, it is not common and by no means true across the board. Your average erotic sadist is interested in mutual gratification with a consenting partner, and in using all kinds of pain as pleasure-giving stimuli. Forget those whip-wielding weirdos you saw on Springer the other day; they aren’t exactly representative.
MASOCHIST: A masochist is a person who receives pleasure from receiving the sadist’s ministrations. A masochist is NOT: a person who has a massive orgasm every time they stub their toe (what I think of as the flipside to the "sadist as dogkicker" stereotype); a person who gets off on root canals; a person who enjoys being poked and prodded and fondled by random strangers in bars; a person who owns a video copy of "John Tesh Live At Red Rocks," or a person who loves tax time.
SCENE: Roughly analogous to Leatherfolk or Leather Community, and when used in this way it is usually preceded by "the," as in the Scene. It refers to any or all aggregates/groups of people who do what it is that "we do." the Scene can refer generally to all people involved in "WIITWD," or it can refer to all the people involved in "WIITWD" in a particular geographic area (e.g., New York scene) or with a particular sexual orientation (e.g., Gay scene). In this sense it is also frequently used as a qualifier, e.g., Scene Folk, Scene People.
SUBMISSION: See submissive below. Submission involves the gift of some level of power/control by the submissive to the dominant, and the gift of obedience. In return, the submissive will be cared and provided for, and (hopefully) lavished with attention and sensation, either during a Scene or for a longer period of time.
SUBSPACE: This can mean one of two things. Which one will usually be apparent from context.
1. The vast majority of submissives are not in a submissive frame of mind all the time, but only under certain circumstances, at certain times and situations. Like the Dominant, the submissive must also make a deliberate effort to access this part of their consciousness. This is also often referred to as being in a submissive headspace.
2. Subspace has another meaning which is considerably more difficult to define, especially for those who have never been there. The best way I know how to describe it is that it is like a spiritually transcendent state of complete and overwhelming bliss, the aftereffects of which can last for hours and even days. I have heard it referred to as "a spiritual high." While this is happening, the submissive/bottom is often said to be flying. It is similar to, but exponentially more intense and powerful than, what is often called "runner’s high."
Lecture Mode On: An understandable mistake that many, many vanillas make is thinking that all of this fancy stuff we do is solely for the purpose of a physical orgasm, that this is really just very weird and baroque foreplay. I’m not knocking orgasms, mind, I like ‘em as much as the next girl, but subspace and Domspace are often really what we’re ultimately trying to achieve. Many of us, myself and He Who Must Be Obeyed most definitely included, are also quite fond of vanilla sex as well, and yes, I like kissing and caressing and oral lovemaking, and come when someone stimulates my clitoris, just like the average vanilla woman does. Lecture Mode: Off.
SUBMISSIVE (also sub, or *yuck* subbie): A submissive is one who derives emotional and/or erotic satisfaction from surrendering some level of control to a dominant. A submissive is often also (but not necessarily) a masochist.
POWER EXCHANGE: The commonly used term for play that involves some exchange of control or power. This can occur over the course of a scene or for a longer period of time.
SAFEWORD: A code word that stops the scene cold. Used when someone has had all they can take, or in scenes where resistance ("no! No! STOP") is being played with, in order to distinguish a playful or in: role declaration of "stop" from a real "no, I really mean it, STOP." This obviously varies with the individuals. Some use a system of "red (stop), yellow (slow down, lessen the intensity), and green (go ahead, dammit, I love it!)," others just have one word. When the submissive/bottom is gagged or for other reasons cannot speak, some specified signal, e.g., dropping a handkerchief can serve as a safeword.
SCENE: The second meaning of the word, usually used with a verb as in "to do a scene" or as a verb, e.g., sceneing (also playing). This refers to performing some or all of the activities referred to above. A scene can be as complex or as simple as the participants deem it. It can be whacking your partner a few times with a hairbrush and then ordering them to satisfy you orally, or it can involve elaborate bondage, 500 clothespins, chains, whipped cream, knives, and large scarecrows named Sven.
SSC: An acronym for "Safe, Sane, Consensual." There is naturally much disagreement as to how the individual terms safe, sane, and consensual should be defined, since obviously some level of risk is always going to be present. In some circles this term has a negative connotation, standing in as a codeword for a "gentrified" overly: safe brand of "WIITWD," in others it is completely neutral: how it is being used can be easily determined by context.
SWITCH: a switch is:
Someone who can be both a masochist and a sadist.
Someone who can be both a submissive and a Dominant.
A switch is NOT:
Someone who can’t make up their mind what they want to be. Someone who of necessity cannot be serious about dominance/submission or sadism/masochism, because of said "flightiness."
I think the best way to understand it is to think of a switch as the perv equivalent of a bisexual. Their relationships are no shallower just because they are capable of both kinds.
VANILLA: A person who doesn’t do "WIITWD." In some circles this is derogatory, but usually it is a neutral term, and for the purposes of this column that is how it is intended. It is used both as a noun e.g., "My ex-wife was a vanilla" and an adjective e.g., "We had vanilla sex yesterday."
WIITWD: an acronym that stands for "what it is that we do." It is in very common use as being a rather non-specific term; it can be used without implying any sort of value judgements or narrow-mindedness concerning specific types of kink.
