In order to keep track of how much trouble you will get into, we have created a point system. You can use this system to determine how far you should go. It might be a good idea to try to set a limit for yourself before the party. I'm not sure if you want to discuss this with your future spouse beforehand, however you should probably be able to estimate how many points you will be allowed on your own.
Suggested Point Limits: Here is a table that tries to point to recommended point levels:
Grooms Brides
You are a sissy, your friends will be pissed and will never call you.
3 1
Not a bad compromise, but you need to live a little
15 5
Good job, not a wuss, not an ass.
25 10
Eventually, there may be a fight over this.
30 15
The fight will happen after the honeymoon.
35 25
The fight will happen on the honeymoon.
45 30
The fight will happen before the wedding.
50 35
What fucking wedding?
50+ 40+
I'm sure you've noted the disparity between what Brides and what Grooms are allowed to do. This is because men invented bachelor parties so we get to keep them. Consider it a trade for the fact that you get a couch in the ladies room and free tampons once in a while in public and corporate restrooms.
Here are the tempations you will face and how many points they will cost you (remember they are cumulative so you have to add them up):
Attending your party
1 point
Drinking at your party
1 point
Getting Drunk at your party
1 point
Coming home drunk from party
1 point (additional)
Going to your future spouses house drunk after your party
3 points
Calling your future spouse "Diamond" when you arrive home
25 points
Eating healthy foods at your party
-1 point
Watching porno movies
1 points
Yelling "hey that's my fiance" at the porno movie
2 points
It is your fiance in the porno movie
10 points
Getting a tattoo during the festivities
5 points
The tattoo doesn't have your fiance's name in it
10 points
The tattoo has a strippers name in it
55 points
Go to a strip joint
5 points
Have a stripper come to you
10 points
Strip joint isn't topless or doesn't serve alcohol.
Lose 5 points, write to your congressman
Strip joint is all-nude
1 point, invite your congressman.
Your congressman attends the party
0 points, buy him a drink.
You are the congressman
5 points (sorry Ted)
Putting singles in g-strings
1 point for every $10
Lap dance
5 points each for topless, 10 points for all nude (but aint it worth the extra five points).
Get in the "on stage shower" with strippers
22 points
See a lesbian show
10 points
see a barnyard animal show
20 points
Get arroused by barnyard animal show
50 points, see a psychiatrist before marriage.
Pay for sex (at the hand of a prostitute)
30 points
Pay for sex (oral)
40 points (It was a man you know, they say all the good ones are...)
Pay for sex (intercourse)
70 points
Pay for sex (beyond intercourse)
100 points you filthy bastard.
Bring home the clap or other STD
1,000 points
Bring home the prostitute
1,000,000 points
I hope that explains it well enough. Stay out of trouble or I'll see you on Jerry Springer.
