Rev's blog: "WTF?"

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow, and since she likes to spend her birthday doing nothing but relaxing, I took her for a meal tonight at her favourite Italian restaurant. Since I find Italian food to be disgusting nasty shit, this should show you just how good a husband I am. :P

Anyway, things were going great. We ordered drinks and a starter course and we were looking through the menu to see what we wanted for our mains when... when a young family were seated at the table across from us. A mother, father, a boy of around 3 years old and a 3 MONTH old baby.

The baby starts fuckin crying and whining. The boy starts complaining "I dun like the dinners here. I wanna go McDonalds. I wanna go McDonalds. I WANNA GO MCDONALDS" etc. And the baby is still crying and the crying is getting louder. What are the parents doing?

Well, daddy turns to the boy and says "Now, now Michael (fuck it, I'm naming the little shit), remember when we said that this was a special meal, and that we'd go to McDonalds another time?" Kid: (In a voice that's between complaining and crying)"b-b-b-b-but I wanna McDonalds NOW, I WANNA GO MCDONALDS NOWWWWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHh!" Daddy "Please don't be like that, Michael. Remember we talked about this?" and so on an so forth.

The mother was 'dealing' with the noisy little shit of a baby by saying "shush shush shush" in a low sing-song voice. It didn't make any difference, the baby didn't shut up.

I WANNA MCDONALDS WAAAAAH MCDONALDS now, now, Michael, be a nice boy WAAAAARGHHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGHHHH WAAAAARRRRGGG shush-shush-shush baby shush shush shush I WANNA MCDONALDS MCDONALDS MCDONALDS MCDONALDS - is the background music to our supposedly romantic meal.

The staff are looking at the family, the other patrons are looking at the family, but nobody says a word. My wife takes one look at my face, but her "just leave it Paul, honey" comes too late. I turn to the fucking nightmare family and say, in a calm polite voice "Excuse me, could you either get your crying-faced little shits to shut the fuck up, or take up young Michaels suggestion and go to fucking McDonalds?"

Well, that didn't go down too well. No it didn't. The father looked at me like he was gonna explode, mother looked at me like she just found me with my dick in her son's mouth, and the father asks a waiter to get the manager. He complains about ME, asking if he could be seated somewhere else. I said "yeah, seat them somewhere else, preferably in another fuckin building".

The poor manager guy... he doesn't know what the fuck to do. He's looking at me all calm and shit, he's looking at the parents who look like they want to fucking kill me... then some other like-minded guy at another table turns around and says to the father "Perhaps this guy could have been more tactful, but you have to admit that the behaviour of your children could be seen to be rather annoying to the other diners here this evening"

The father turn to the wife and says "That's it, we're leaving and we won't be coming back here in a hurry." Nobody begs them to stay. They leave (giving me the evil eye on the way out), then the manager turns to me and says "I'm terribly sorry about that, sir. Please accept a bottle of our house wine with our compliments, I hope this incident won't spoil your wife's birthday meal".

The mood in the restaurant changed back to the peaceful, calm ambience required for a fine dining experience. My wife enjoyed her birthday meal, I left a huge tip and she had an amusing anecdote to tell her parents when they phoned from Canada to wish her a happy birthday.

Too many words? Go back to reading the back of cereal packets, you barely literate fuckwits. ;) :P