So I'd like to start with saying thanks for coming to read this, and give a warning. Tonight, I write like I speak. I have a myriad of ideas I want to convey, in a form of catharsis, as well as mental self organization, but I will no doubt trail off several times and never get to the heart of what I wanted to say. Sorry. That's just how it always ends up, and if you think it's disappointing to you... imagine how it makes me feel.
And we're off. I just watched American Splendor. I want to be a filmmaker, and I call myself one now, despite still not having completed a feature length project. I call myself that to describe my nature and intent. Perhaps it's a little self congratulatory, but it's who I am, and I've learned that any sense of self denial is dangerous. Look at all those ultra conservative public figures throughout history that ended up exposed in some scandal that showed them giving in to all the things they fight so hard against. Do you really think it's all a coincidence?
I found myself inspired. It's a fine line for an artist. differentiating between inspiration and plain ol' plagiarism. You can get around it sure, with little "Vanilla Ice" tricks as I call them. Change a name here or there... and effect the outcome to make it as you would have preferred to see it go... but none of that is me. I just got to thinking about greatness.
Greatness is one of those things that seems to elude many who strive for it, and all to many never do. It's what I want personally. I aspire to do great things. To leave a mark. I suspect that on some level, that's what all, or at least most people do, but so many seem so quick to settle for mediocrity. It's sad. Perhaps a bit about what I am.
I dropped out of High School in my Senior year. I was doing well enough, and might have graduated if I cared to... but I had political issues with the city's school board, and just decided that I didn't need them. I left and had a GED in hand before my peers had their diplomas. Then, I did a lot of nothing. I had been dating the woman who is now my wife for some time. We wanted to get married, but there was no real way for it to happen. We were living together in my parents house. They're good people my folks. They'd do anything for me if they thought it would make me happy, but I needed independence. After September 11th 2001, I was overwhelmed with a sense of social obligation and joined the Army.
I have a tenancy to get caught up in the moment. This was an example of that. I must admit though... it made it a lot easier for me to get married. We'd have an income. This is where I learned my lesson about planning for a longer road.
I did pretty well in training, and was recognized as a stand out soldier at every stage of the process. Rachel got pregnant about 2 days after we got our first place together. Here's me learning more lessons about life.
Stick with me.. I promise this is going somewhere.
Ken
