As in always your going to ask what my status means.
Honestly it just one on of the things i say i'm gonna do. I wait to be so many things or means so many things to everyone. I can be the Best friends that you call at anytime that will get out of bed to talk or I can be the mommy that makes you think that her girls are lucky to have her. I have been and can be the wonderful Wife or girl friend. I can be the Piece of Ass. I can be the patient one that sits that understands or I can be the the one that just listens while you talk and hangs on every word as if your speaking to my soul. I do believe everything you say to me because i dont not lie to you. I am not always what i can be but i am always keeping track of what i do or say wrong past present future every memory of everything i ever focused on is in my head. Lately I have been the girl thats afraid. I am afraid to be happy i am afraid the love i am afraid to say things all wrong. If you ask me whats wrong i resist telling you and before i say anything i have already justified it being my fault so that when you turn it on me i can just understand. I am a strong woman that stands up for who she loves. I can be the Lover or i can be the Fighter. I can be Jealous or maybe i just am jealous but either way i always get this evil feeling that i must protect and secure my place. I never act on it. I have been the girl that is hear for everyone but when i need someone no one is here for me. Everyone in my life has many many things they can be doing so i become the babysitter or the single mom or the friend that is at home. I dont know how to be the girlfriend i dont know how to be nonexclusive i dont know how to not care about everyone my life touches. I am just this girl that tries very hard to be everything for everyone. there is a sticker i sent to most of you that says i smile through my tears and brighten your day even if you cant brighten mine well its true ask those close to me i am the first to bite my tounge or the last to leave if things need done. When i close my eyes to sleep at night my hopes are that one day someone anyone will see just how i am and can be. So i am waiting for that waiting for someone to really take a look at me look into my eyes and see how wounded i am how broken the past has left me how scared i am to even speak maybe if i am silent i am only trying to figure out if i dont not speak i am just trying not to be the scared little girl i feel like i am. I already am or have been neglected abused beaten raped mistreated misunderstood knocked to my knees cried myself to sleep prayed for death and lots of other things so when you get the feeling that i am pulling away i'm usually not i am just remembering how this ends up. But i'l wait as always the angel awaits you. tell me in your comment how i am doing
