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Crazy Time Of Year!

I know I haven't been around much lately. But as u all know Chrissy with kids can be kinda crazy! My Christmas Day was a treat, kids thoroughly enjoyed themselves, and got way too spoilt as per usual lol. Boxing Day started out nice, with my Grandparents visiting for a quiet get together with my Dad whilst he is here visiting from over east. Then at about 4pm it all went south..... We were evacuated due to a really big bushfire that was buring uncontained towards my house. With an ailing Grandfather we got out fast.... Scared the shit outta me! And the kids.... After driving around until 11pm we realised we weren't going to be let back into our homes, so we went and camped out at Mum's. Me the three kids and the dog. God that was a sleepless night let me tell u lol. I came back at about 8am the next morning, to see my house still standing...Thank god! The winds changed in my favor.... I've never been so scared in my life, nor have I had so many nightmares as I have since that day. I'm hoping the horrible feeling will pass soon, as I'm meant to be leaving in a couple of days for a cruise with my youngest son. I hope you ALLLLLL have an awesome New Year Celebration.... And always remember, nothing should be taken for granted!!!! See u all after the 18th of Jan..... :) xxx
Wow what a bizarre couple of weeks I've had. My Grandfather is back in hospital after a bad fall. His Emphysemia is advancing at a rapid pace, his panic attacks are more frequent. And they are even talking this time of IF he comes out...... Then my uncle had a stroke, and was unable to swallow or speak, or walk properly. So he is in hospital also. The swallowing part is getting slightly better, so he may be able to eat puree's for the rest of his life now rather than be fed through a tube. He had a fall in the hospital also when they left him unattended in the shower. Nice hospital system we have here eh?..... Then my big sister had to fly down last Sunday to undergo a series of biopsies on unknown lumps on her body.... She left yesterday. THEN on Monday I took a bad fall at the Rec Centre my son does Karate at. There was a massive puddle of water on the lino just off the carpeted area. Down I went, purposefully onto my knees to try to prevent my hip from shattering on me because of the tumor. So now I am still nursing two bruised knees, a shockingly painful hip, because although I didn't fall on it, the knee collision jarred the ball up into the socket, and with the arthritis it kinda smarted somewhat. LOL The funny part to my fall was it seemed to be a chain reaction of events.... Later that night, I kept falling on things, dropping glasses and dinner plates, and in the morning whilst taking my nephews bag out of the back of my 4wd I hadn't lifted the back up high enough and I headbutted the door smack bang on the forehead.... I swear to god these last few weeks need to just disappear lol. Ok I've drivelled enough, got it off my chest, now all I need to do is punch something lmao!!!!!
Yeah Yeah Ok.... The only time I do one of these things is to get some sort of crap off my chest. And this is one of those times! I feel sad. I feel empty. I feel alone. I feel lost. I feel numb. I feel tired. Well exhausted really lol. I feel as though I'm expected to be this pillar of strength for everyone around me. Yet I have no one here to be mine! It's not fair. I'm by far not a selfish person. Ask any genuine friend of mine and they will all know my life is 1st and foremost about putting others before myself. It's just me and my nature. But sometimes I step back and ask, what about me? I'm not a very strong person, although I do tend to show that persona on most occasions. I don't like being vulnerable, and I guess that could be why I hide me. I guess I just wish that just once in a while someone wouldn't just expect me to be there, expect me to run around for them, clean up after them, do so much for them, and that they might just one day do something for me. Just every now and then would be nice. Is it too much to wish for?
Frustration is an emotion that can take you on many different roads. Yet if not relieved, can basically lead to total melt down. And no I'm not talking sexual either lol. Life is dealing me so many damn curve balls at the moment I don't have enough hands to catch them all. And I'm about to crash. Or so it feels that way anyhow. Someone once told me life is like a wheel. It just keeps on turning and eventually the good comes back around. Wish I were close enough to throttle that person right about now lol. Because my wheel has a flat! It hasn't turned in a long long time now. And the World Wide Web is a lovely place to come and create a solitude that no one else can destroy. A safe haven. Where it so lovingly introduces you to people that you just can't have lol. Or even get close enough to, to have that so needed chat or hug or even just the closeness. I dunno, maybe I'm just looking down at everything at the moment. It's more than likely the case. But I am a breath away from leaving everything I have for peace and solitude. It is just too much for me right now. I wish there was a remote for everything! Plus I just had to have a tooth rebuilt today and its hurting like a bitch right now, thanks to the most delicious piece of Pork Crackle I ever tasted in my life lol. Thats the last time I eat that lol......
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