SmitteNKitteN hawtrawfreakynfun's blog: "Ashlie*s Blog"

ok fo anyone that has me on myspace sorry if u*ve sen this like 3 times now but this is just too good to pass up! it*s so awesome... 6 minute video on the evolution of dance!

Create your own friendquiz here

OK SO I NOE SOME OF U DON8T READ THE BULLETINS... FOR THOSE OF U WHO DID, U CAN IGNORE THIS, BUT IF U HAVEN*T...READ ON OK EVERYBODY! THE TIME HAS COME! I*M CLEANING OUT MY FRIENDS LIST!! YOU HAVE UNTIL FRIDAY NOVEMBER 3RD TO LET ME NOE IF U WANNA STAY ON IT... IF I DON*T HEAR NOTHIN UR GONE!! SORRY GUYS BUT 333 PEOPLE...AND LIKE...10 THAT I TALK TO ON A REGULAR BASIS.... NOT HAPPENING! ANYONE THAT I TALK TO ON A REGULAR BASIS (U SHOULD NOE WHO U ARE) DON*T WORRY UR SAFE... BUT THE REST OF U... LET ME NOE! <3 SMITTEN

why is it.. that when everything in ur life goes to shit... and right when things start to look like they*re turning around, your parents come in and fuck it all up again? me for instence.. couple weeks ago.. yeah.. worst point in my life.. bar-abso-fucking-lutely-NONE and yeah.. it seriously sucked... but then one teeny tiny little thing made me feel just the slightest bit better... then what happens? my parents jump in and basically start bitchin that i can*t afford to fuck my new job up and what if this and what if that and i*m SOOOO fucking SICK of listening to their constant bullshit. like today... i had an absolute top notch amazing day. went in to work.. even though my manager has a fuckin colony of bees shoved up her ass because i*m switching off foodbar and going to bussing because i*m sorry.. i can*t live off foodbar salary.. my day is still fine... work is crap but still day is fine.. time to go home. mom is there, i get in the car, we don8t even get out of the parking lot she*s already in my ear "did u call ur boss at ur new job? are you working tomorrow? you can*t afford to lose this job! why did u tell kevin that u want to switch to bussing? you know he has a big mouth you shouldn*t have said anything(meanwhile he*s gonna be my boss when i switch so.. i kinda HAVE to talk to him about it) did u do this? did u call this person? i have to noe if i*m taking luke to swimming lessons i only have til 6 pm tomorrow to noe this i need to noe did u do this did u do this?" and seriously... i was tempted to take the wheel and drive us into a phone pole... i*m so fucking annoyed with her. i can take 2000 bitchy drunk bastards trying to push a 500lb BBQ on me and have it roll over my feet 2-3 times a night... but 30 seconds with that bitch and i swear to god i could kill her and myself. oh boy what else... so now.. it*s 4 am she*s going to get me up at 6 am to call my manager atthe bingo hall(which mind u doens*t open til 11 FUCKING AM (which i told her i don*t noe how many times) to see if my boss is there yet to find out when i*m working next! JOY TO THE FUCKING WORLD! anywho i may as well get some sleep.. about 20 minutes worth before i*ll have thjat bitch nagging and squaking in my ear getting me out of bed to call someone who*s not gonna be there for another 7 some-odd hours... anyone wanna trade lives? let me noe

How Will I Die Quiz You will die at the age of 47 You will die in a freak accident with a banana Find out how you will die at Quizopolis.com

for some reason... i wanna know what sort of actions the banana is involved in... that could be interesting! lol

this past week has really shown me what i*m made of. i am in no respect, a strong person. i may look it physically, but emotionally i am.. so weak. i*ve been hurt alot this week and actually for the past little while, and it*s all just come crashing down on me lately and i can*t take it anymore. everytime i get on LC and i see who*s online and i see the few people that i love and i talk to alot... and i see the huge amount of people who have hurt me.. it*s just too much and all those feelings come rushing back. and it*s sinking me in deeper and deeper and for myself and my health, i just can*t take it anymore. i dunno what to say...other than i*ve been pretending for too long. i*ve been faking happy so much that i actually believed it myself.. and then something huge happens.. nobody cares, and i*m still stuck here pretending.. because if i pretend all is good, then somehow it actually is. but i*m done with that now. i need to take an extremely long break from all thebullshit that is on here.. and i need to get my life re-aligned. and i can*t do that on here. i don*t even know if i can fully do it in the real world but i have to try something else than what i have been. i found this.. amazing poem by chance written by another person on here... i think i can definately relate to it. i*ll post it, and the link to his profile at the end of this message. to all my friends on here that read this, i love you all...one inparticular and that will never change no matter how much i try and pretend i don*t. i hope to talk to the few that have impacted my life in the future. for the rest of you.. i*m sorry but i can*t do it anymore. i can*t believe this week has happened to me. it*s amazing how much we all lie to ourselves everyday. for me, the lying stops here... i*m finished. done. out. What this means is that after tonight, i*m leaving LC...for good. I find my happiness in loving you. Though my love is not returned, I don't mind waiting. The woods are a cathedral where I pray For the beauty and grace that lie within my heart. You hold me and we kiss, and yet not yet Is there the unity that love must crave. You want me, but not as I want you: This truth is like a wreckage on my sea. There's no one else I hunger for, nor touch That makes me feel I must take off my skin; And so I'll wait as years pile up like leaves, And long with the lonely patience of the moon. http://lostcherry.com/user/35418

i*ve been listening to this song non stop for the past day and a half...i can really relate to it lately. i*ve been told alot lately that i*m really sheltered. i*m starting to see it more lately. i don*t let people in...i never have. and the one person i did let in...well...i fucked that up somehow i manage to screw things up alot... weither it*s by my hand or someone elses, everytime i get something amazingly good, something takes it away from me. it*s been that way my whole life... it doesn*t feel like it*s changing at all the older i get the worse it happens... this last thing is the biggest thing i*ve ever lost...and i*m never gonna get him back. i know i should give up and deal with it because i fucked up.. huge... but i just can*t. i won*t give up that easily. i won*t let this crush me... even though it already has. i*ve completely fallen apart. i don*t know how i could do something like this...but in a sence i didn*t do it. but he wouldn*t know that... because he won*t listen to my side of the story. just to let him know... my ex is 6'3..somewhere around 350lbs... not small and i*m sorry i*m strong but not that strong... it*s not like i could move him so don*t blame me fully for this. or blame me.. just understand there was nothing i could do... i tried all i could all my strength went into it but i could not do anything. just.. please let me explain myself. don*t shut me out forever. i know you*re hurt.. and so am i. we can get through this... i promise you.. with every fibre of myself nothing like this will EVER happen again. i went to the police yesterday and got a restraining order on him... but they can*t find him. just please talk to me.. it*s litterally killing me. just... talk to me CRUSHED By the sweetest lips ive never kissed And your fingertips and the warmest touch Ive always missed CRUSHED By the softest hands ive never held Probably never tell You're the strongest love that Ive ever felt CRUSHED That I havent ever let you know How it always goes Cuz I lose my nerve whenever you get close And so Im left Short of breath With that heavy feeling in my chest Baby Im so crushed