I found this article, well letter to an advise columnist and I thought it was good advise. Also have read a few mumms lately about trying to get over someone so I thought this would help.
The Hard Stuff: "I Can't Get Him Out of My Head"
By Karen Karbo
I've been married for eight years, I have a 5-year-old child -- and I'm madly in love with my colleague, who's also married. About two years ago, we had a month-long affair, but he wants to stay with his wife and barely talks to me now.
Even though my husband and I get along, I don't feel anything for him anymore. It's been months since I've seen or talked to my colleague, but I think about him all day. Therapy and antidepressants haven't helped me let go of the man I'm in love with. Any tips? -- Anonymous, 33, Boston
What you need to do is go on a man diet. Just as a regular diet involves cutting down on junk food, the man diet involves cutting down on thoughts of your colleague. So stop replaying your good old times together. Stop wondering what he's doing. Stop trying to figure out what could have gone differently. And stop listening to drippy love songs that remind you of him. Just stop. Channel your inner tough chick.
How to do this? Break the days into manageable bits. Tell yourself you won't think about him for half an hour, or 15 minutes, or even five minutes. The moment the thought of him enters your mind, switch the station. Imagine yourself trying out for American Idol. Try to remember the name of all the kids in your third-grade class. Anything works.
To help with this process, you'll need to reframe the way you describe this man to yourself. Stop thinking of him as "the man I'm in love with." That phrase alone reinforces the connection. Years down the road you may be able to look back and gain insight from the nature of your relationship, but for now, he's just that messed-up guy at work you had an ill-advised fling with. Make the thing you had with this clown smaller in your memory. Don't sanctify it in any way. Eventually, time will work its reliable magic and you'll find that an hour passes and you haven't given him a single thought. Then a day will go by, then a week. Eventually, you'll find that you've let go.
Which leaves the question of your lack of feelings for your husband. You don't sound as if you're eager to get a divorce, and you shouldn't quite yet. It's not necessary at the moment to do anything more than stick to your man diet and realize that your colleague was nothing more than your favorite mistake. And since you do get along with your husband, perhaps you can allow for the possibility that one day the love you once felt for him may return.
