Angel of Darkness's blog: "Any"

I wake up in a castle
In a blossoming garden
Feeling so lonely
I hung myself in this mess filled with thorns

Tell me what do they call you?
Where are you running off to?
Oh, could you tell me?
I found you kept away in this garden

And I know your warmth is
The closest to reality 
The flowers that you picked for me
Reaching for your hand

But this is my fate
Don't smile on me
Light on me
No, I can never take another step to you
Don't have a name to call me by anymore

You know that I can't
Show you me
Give you me
The weaknesses that I hide you can never see
I wear a mask again so I could see you
But I still want you (want you, want you)

From this lonesome garden
Want to give you a flower
Reminding me of you
To give you all and take this foolish mask off

But I know that I can
Never give you more than that
Forever may not be for us
Hide the ugly now

And I'm so afraid
That in the end, you'll leave again
I know that it's pathetic, what was I to do?
I wear a mask again so I could see you

I'm crying, my soul
I'm all alone
The walls won't hold
The castle made of sand is falling from within
I'm taking off the mask to go and meet you
And I still want you
But I still want you

You know life is hard when you gave someone your life for over 2 years and they shatter in in a heartbeat. They have to listen to the lies and bullshit from others. They dont dare ask for the truth from you because they just see it as lies. Seems the past 2 years of my life has been one big lie. All I did was gave my heart, soul, mind to someone and they say the same. They said no one would ever come between us. Nothing would tear us apart. Now knowing it was a lie. If one can go back in time to make the pain go away.I just wish I could. Things are never perfect in life. People make mistakes. People can also forgive someone. But one just cant do it. I dont know anymore

In a dark time, the eye begins to see, 
I meet my shadow in the deepening shade; 
I hear my echo in the echoing wood-- 
A lord of nature weeping to a tree. 
I live between the heron and the wren, 
Beasts of the hill and serpents of the den. 
What's madness but nobility of soul 
At odds with circumstance? The day's on fire! 
I know the purity of pure despair, 
My shadow pinned against a sweating wall. 
That place among the rocks--is it a cave, 
Or a winding path? The edge is what I have. 

A steady storm of correspondences! 
A night flowing with birds, a ragged moon, 
And in broad day the midnight come again! 
A man goes far to find out what he is-- 
Death of the self in a long, tearless night, 
All natural shapes blazing unnatural light. 

Dark, dark my light, and darker my desire. 
My soul, like some heat-maddened summer fly, 
Keeps buzzing at the sill. Which I is I? 
A fallen man, I climb out of my fear. 
The mind enters itself, and God the mind, 
And one is One, free in the tearing wind.

I'm swimming all alone in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and flail
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the waters starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from darkness's grasp?
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness 

Hang me from my sins, 
Drown me in my guilt, 
Swimming in a pool of blood, 
From this pain I have built.

I’m caught in a trap, 
A trap I cannot escape, 
Its time for me to give up, 
And give in to my pain.

I try to hide away, 
I live alone at night, 
I never want to be afraid, 
of this world of life.

There eyes look at me, 
They hate me so much, 
No matter how hard I try, 
I’ll always give up.

Depression is like a tidal wave pulling you further in
You don't feel upto facing anyone or anything

Depression is a huge emphasis on feeling sad and low
You feel like you're in a dark place with nowhere else to go

Depression is like you're falling deeper into a black hole
Your mind feels violated and as though you have no control

Depression is having little energy or lack of motivation
You feel tired and don't want to engage in conversation

Depression is used in the wrong context by naive people
They dont understand the seriousness of how it affects people

Depression is isolation, withdrawel, low self-esteem and more
You will never understand it unless you've been through it before 

You may see me struggle 
but you won't see me fall. 
Regardless if I'm weak or not 
I'm going to stand tall. 
Everyone says life is easy 
but truly living it is not.
Times get hard, 
people struggle
and constantly get put on the spot. 
I'm going to wear the biggest smile 
even though I want to cry. 
I'm going to fight to live 
even though I'm destined to die. 
And even though it's hard 
and I may struggle through it all. 
You may see me struggle...
but you will NEVER see me fall.

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...
Depression...
Anger, Aggression, Frustration.
All these unwanted sensations -
Burning, hurting, tearing.
My heart alone, cold and fearing.
Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest,
Let me forget
To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets?
These memories inside, swirling, twirling,
unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind.
Repeating, resisting, insisting -
Refusing to be denied its recognition
Of its position in my
Frustration, Confusion, Delusion.
Ah, to close my eyes and let time fly by,
Because there's so much to gain
By forgetting these dreams driving me insane.
Unfocused, unclear, out of control,
My world spinning, spinning, spinning,
My sanity flying through the door.
My reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic,
Like fine sands running through my hands,
I'm losing my mind.