Clemson Chick's blog: "Any Man of Mine"

My best writing ideas come to me as I'm cleaning. Someone said the increased blood flow sends more oxygen to my pathetic little brain. If so, this is what happens when the song on my playlist and my peak oxygen flow converge in one brilliant, shining moment.

Shania. Gotta love her. She's beautiful and spunky and looks like she could give any man a run for her money. When I first heard the song Any Man of Mine, I was young and no where on the dating scene. However, I have always looked at life with the views of an older woman.  marriage should be equal and each person should do their share and all kinds of looney-tunes that I've since learned are total horse manure. Men are men, women are women. We respond to things in different ways. So...in the immortal words of the ever-gorgeous Shania...THIS is what a woman wants.

Any man of mine...

Better be proud of me. Oh yes. This is probably the most important one of all. There's nothing worse than a man who condescends to a woman to make himself feel better. They say passion, admiration, and respect are the three elements to a perfect relationship. Have I ever had all three? I'm not so sure I have. I think most of the men I've dated never fully appreciate how great I am. I try telling them but they never quite get it. They still seem to want to feel that they are better. So I'll give them that, as long as they say I'm the most talented writer in the world.

Even when I'm ugly, he still better love me. I'm not quite so sure if she means ugly physically or emotionally. I actually am ugly a whole lot more often emotionally, especially if someone hurts me. But if a man is smart, he'll know exactly how to calm me back down again. It doesn't take much. There is one person that can just wrap his arms around me and that is all it takes. 

I can be late for a date, that's fine, but he better be on time. So this is what I'm doing wrong. I'm almost always on time. I've seen girls who make their men wait around for hours while they perfect their hair but I'm considerate and nice and sitting there on the sofa, wondering why he's fifteen minutes late. He should be waiting around on me. Now I get it!

He'll say 'it fits just right' when last year's dress is just a little too tight. Earlier this week I heard a man say his wife once asked him, "Do these jeans make my butt look big?" His response? "Your butt has always been big, honey. The jeans have nothing to do with it." Dude. Do you ever want to have sex again? See...here's what you need to know. You need to know that lying is part of being in a happy relationship. Not lying in a way that damages the relationship but in a way that keeps the peace and makes her feel good about herself. Heck, we lie to you guys all the time. ("Of course I wasn't faking, honey. Really!")

Anything I do or say better be okay when I have a bad hair day. Anything I do or say better be okay when I have a good hair day too. I'm kinda bitchy like that. Remember, I'm the smart one. Seriously, though...nothing makes me feel more cared for than when a man comforts me when I'm down, makes me feel beautiful when I'm insecure, builds me up and cheers me on in everything I do. We women spend so much time supporting our men and offering comfort, a good man gives some of that back when we need it. Otherwise, what do we need you for?

He'd better disagree when I say another woman's lookin' better than me. I'll add to that. He needs to not tell me about all the women he thinks are beautiful. He's lucky to have me and he needs to show it by not constantly pointing out that he's looking at other women. Because, believe me, there are at least a thousand men out there who would love to be in his shoes. We'll make a deal -- you don't tell us about the hot girl down at the coffee shop and we won't tell you about the sexy Fed Ex (ooohhhh and he is a hottie!!) delivery hunk we saw today at work.

When I cook him dinner and I burn it black, he'd better say mmm, I like it like that. Cooking. Ah yes. We women just love cooking for you (actually I DO love to cook, but that isn't the point that I am making here). And cleaning for you and putting the toilet seat back down and picking your dirty underwear up off the floor... To be quite honest, it's a big red flag to me when a man expects me to cook for him all the time early on in a relationship. I like to eat out sometimes too. Or you cook for me every now and then, how's that? But if I've put a lot of work into cooking for you, you'd better say it's the most delicious thing you've ever tasted. I don't care if it tastes like rubber. I made it, so it's good.

Yes, he needs to be a heartbeating, fine-treating, breathtaking, earthquaking kind. I deserve no less...and neither do any of the other women out there. Especially the fine-treating part. That seems to be the hardest part to find. And, guess what? If you're all those things we'll make your world a very, very happy place. All you have to do is get down on your knees and look up to us like the wonderful creatures we are.

So, chime in men. Do you really think a woman should wait on you and tend to your every need? Or do you kinda think it's sexy watching Shania demand all of these things? Oh...and tomorrow I'll write about what women really want.