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The past actually Year I have been dealing with anxiety issues going from not so bad to much worse in the past few months...I havent been able to leave my house and feel comfortable unless i was with people close too me...Well On Feb 9th I finally got to see a shrink and he prescribed me meds they are no joke I took one this morning and it kicked my ass hard I had to sleep and was knocked in and out most the day till 3pm. Then i knew I had to keep myself awake... Now I am figuring if one can do that and i have a 2 yr old to take care of im going to have to split it in half and see how that works...Then the doc wants me to take 2 b4 bed to help me sleep im thinkin ill stick to takin one till im more use to them...Then about a month ago I went to see my woman doctor to get a check up cause I havent been there in a few years so i wanted to make sure im ok...A week later I get a letter tellin me to call them for my results...I then find out they found abnormal cells that arent cancerous but could become if not checked out... Then I had to go back into the office again the next week to have them check me more thoroughly and take some skin samples in my cervix...because they told me I had a form of this HPV now this scares the hell out of me... well they did the test and i find out yesterday I have a mild case but they want me to come in 4months for another pap smear just to see if it does clear up on its own...So I am hoping it will go away... Please any women who does read this make sure you are checked for this...cause it can cause cervical cancer and you do get it from sex with skin to skin contact and there is no way of knowing how long you have had it for...it can take a long time to show up so theres no way on knowing...Most women bodies can fight it off but some cant so get checked anyway...And my doctor says condoms dont even protect from it cause skin can still touch skin even using condoms...Well please all be well both men and women...And Ill Write Again soon...

Things I Am Feeling!!!

I am right now going through anxiety issues along with having depression...ALot of people dont seem to understand this unless you yourself have been through it in one shape or form whether you or a loved one has been through it...Right now these issues are taking a huge toll on my life...I have known im having anxiety alot and having panic attacks i recently had a panic attack while walking my children halloween night trick or treating...I was doing pretty good for awhile but then it hit out of the blue and I felt like I couldnt breathe and felt sick...My heart started racing fast and i started to feel warm all over... I felt so overwhelmed I was so scared...I had to sit somewhere and try and calm down...I called my boyfriend but he was still at work out of town so he wouldnt be able to pick me up...So I hung on him not to be mean but i couldnt talk anymore...Then i sat for a bit and after about 10 minutes I was a bit calmer and thank God i wasnt too far from my house...Then I had to tell my daughter we had to get home...So after again I started walking after a few minutes I started to feel a little calmer and made it home...This scared the hell out of me...I felt like I let my kids down...And I have been feeling worthless and not beautiful...I appreciate all who have said Im sexy and beautiful and all but I dont see it in me...I feel like Im a bad mother since I cant do normal everyday activities with my children like taking them to the park or taking a walk uptown...I love my children very dearly they are the most important thing to me...So finally after a few People I know have told me about a place that sends counselors to your home I have called them and am now waiting for them to call me to get my first appointment... I know that this will be a more comfortable setting for me in my own home since if I walk to far i feel like I am going to pass out and start feeling panicky...I thank you for reading this...And I know I can and will get better it will just take some time to figure out what is going on with me...I will let you know what happens after my first appointment...Please keep your fingers crossed that I will get over this as quick as possible because I hate not being able to have real quality time with my children like they need and deserve...
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