ThePete77's blog: "Another Brick"

Darkness. It’s a feeling that people get overtime that they can’t really put a finger on at first. It happens at Halloween during the fall season, and so some people call it spooky. It happens when people watch horror movies or read horror fiction. It is some times called creepy, and when people see spiders, snakes, and bats, many are frightened, and call it scary. Throughout life different topics arise in mainstream media like true crime and horror gore realism, and trends get focused on like the gothic subculture, and eventually satanism and witchcraft groups. These collaborate together to make a culture of darkness that people begin to admire their experience and try to formulate practices about what they are feeling. In devil worship I focus on not being redundant and stupid, and never missing the basic point. And as the typical situations spin further the karmic wheel, inevitable disagreements surface by Christians who would make the argument that Satan is making his moves to keep people from eternal life and salvation as enemy to Christ and his followers, and falling into a trap that I will eventually be punished for. Even though this view I see as immature timid, sick, and weak naivety and very shallow, I actually can agree that it is a way that Satan and his kingdom works. I like the story of Pandora’s box. As the story goes, pandora was a female deity who opened a jar that unleashed curses on the world of sickness and death. Through the adversity of misfortune that befell the earth when the box was opened, many found hope. I see this relative to the holy scriptures teaching of both the serpent in the garden tempting eve to eat the fruit of the tree of knowledge, and the Christian argument of predestination and the foreknowledge of god in relationship to his son’s achievement for the redemption of mankind. Yes there were troubles and evils, but also hope and salvation. In order to experience the one, there must exist the other. Christians should recognize the fact that if it were not for Satan existing and the world existing in the way that they have, Christianity would not have happened at all. There has been the point brought up in a question by Anton LaVey, could the human race continue to exist if they ceased wholly from preying upon each other? I reflect on this regularly about the stratification of mankind in evolutionary form. Satan has been defined loosely as a balancing factor within an entropic design of survival of the fittest. I am one who leans more on the spiritual side of these feelings of inner awareness and cognition and have grown more mature over the years which during that growth I had not exactly seen things within this perspective. In terms of these perspectives Satan is a real and viable force to be reckoned with, and I would invite people to look into these practices and find what resonates with them.

Energy of the human mind is a wiley fucking bitch…. I have some views of some very fucking basics that I feel can't be denied because of simple goddamned existence. People have highs and people have lows, different people maintain on different levels. If you follow the normal standards of life and do your shit the way you do, and always are on a slope and in a rut, maybe the shrinks have a fucking point about some meds to help the process. This is how it was for me when I tried to follow the fucking rules people said to follow. I worked for my cash, paid my way for education, didn't apply for welfare, even worked two jobs and full-time several times… I was trying the Christian shit out at the time, and was going to church and studies three times a week, lived with Christians, didn't smoke or drink, and followed the entertainment rules with discretionary practices, I even put effort into personal prayer and study, and contemplated life and shit, but I was depressed as fuck. I cried for help with false suicide attempts four different times, wound up at the hospital, and lived in fear of separating from the cocksuckers because of eternal salvation and “fellowship” rules of faith. I was unable to admit the shit that what I was doing was just not the right way, and was in a very severe goddamned rut. The psychotic episode came and I was asked to leave. All the effort of attendance denied and they were all the narcissistic bastard sycophantic fucks who all their former compliments and invitations of me to hang out with them were false ploys as some type of charitable feel bad circumstance for a homeless person. I veiled my depression and sadness with an empty smile and typical what's up and how's it going standard statements without any feeling in them at all, there was no connection of friendship to top off the empty and false promises of having faith in salvation and going to church and socializing and “befriending” the parasites up until the event of my termination of attendance. I was maintaining on very minimal poverty levels, trying to focus on normalcy, watching basic tv channels and catching news, ufc, adult swim, comedy central, madtv, just the standard that I could deal with as normal. But I never felt it and felt psycho as fuck. I'm still recuperating about this. This was before iPhones hit; when tracphone was still a thing. This was before social media to have connections otherwise. Before android and netbooks, before google got big and before Amazon hit. Back when DVDs were the newest phenomenon and Xbox just came out. Windows was still at ME and 2000, and myspace was still active, and during the time they updated the standard TV antenna. Needless to say I wasn't in a good spot. I was fucked. I really had some psychotic attachment dysfunctions about this view of eternal life, the way Christians always said it fucking was. John 3:16 was the trend, god so loved the world he gave his only son, etc… you're supposed to repent get baptized and witness the word, fucking represent. But I had been terminated from affiliation, and people could care less if I burned in hell, and didn't see me as an impact in functional ministry, and could see I was going psychotic and a third fucking wheel at every social event.. Severely fucking betrayed by the cocksucker posers. After being away for the last twelve years from the Christian parasites, I'm hella more stable now to even be able to reveal these interpersonal focuses with this level of confidence that I was very introverted and timid about before, and not so nearly positive in introspection. But back to the fucking point, mental and emotional chemistry has its place. They're never magic pills that solve all the problems, they're an aid to the process. I've focused on nutritional stabilization and brain chemistry, and have focused on this faith crisis of mine about how to even believe anything what I truly fucking believe. It's a collaboration of events that have transpired to this point. And if I can fucking help it, I want to help someone who might be at the worst, in similar conditions wondering why the fuck these stories of changes for other people work, and why they burn in hell, and are left in the dust. A sad story of earth is that the universe really doesn't gift a fuck and good people get fucked over when they don't deserve it. It's just life.

I think it's a shame about Jonathan Davis going Christian, and in many ways goddamned irritating. I ask the question about why it is that the cocksucker shit disturbers of the world and their sky god has to do what they do at all. You are good with how things are for the most part, find interests and a metal group you can handle, and then the goddamned Yahweh has to stick his finger in again and muddle shit up. Christianity is a lethal goddamned sickness at the most and is like a recurring flu, and so I see John got sick. He's handling it well for the most part, but what he's about is part of the goddamned sickness. You gotta give definitions and conditions about how your not like someone entirely festered with pneumonia and on the way out. And what the fuck is with all the spirit names? An ancient name for yahweh was El, why couldn't it be Al? That's what I'm calling him from now on. And I'm pestering him about why he has to go fuck with a good metal group the way he did. Why’d you do it Al, why’d you do it?

Disclaimers and user agreements are for coders and attournies... I'm a human being, I ain't gotta talk like a fucking shrink, or a genius person and try and fake it. I call the shit for what it is. If I don't want to be called out as some insane generational fuck up, I’m the one whose gotta do the work and make effort to show that I'm not and live it. I have no master… call it how you see it, if I'm an English French mutt bastard to you because I am loyal to myself and don't have a god to follow, then that's how you see it. Some type of wayward defrocked wanna be priest for paying for minister credentials that anyone can do, then that's how it is. I'm not gonna lie to kick it, but I got views. And I do have a soul and heart to maybe reach ppl when they're at their fucking worst and maybe help ‘em out to find some purpose, and do what I can to try and make the world a better place. But in all reality, there is no fucking magic solution. Make a wish, take a shit, rub a penny, squint and flutter your eyes in orgasm when you jerk off. Whatever the case is, there's no goddamned magical fucking solution. Even with practices of witchcraft, no matter how anyone butters it up, or how ornate the serving platter is they serve it to you on, its always a cocksucker routine of some sort to get paid or read docs or books and promote their throne. It goes for me as well. I'm no fucking different, but I'm gifting a shit for things that matter at least. I can't promise eternity in all actuality, even when I have tiiktok videos that say devil worship is the way to immortality. But I'd rather see a promotion of devil worship myself rather than someone telling me that Jesus loves me as long as I repent. I'm no fucking guru, I got twenty four years so far of being independent, and reading my own fucking books and resources as how I see it. Eccentric and archaic as resources are about the rapist priests of history who wrote the lame ass history English books that people in the Vatican and other pedophile organizations would take note of, there's mentions about a group in Egypt called the great white brotherhood of the serpent. Whatever excuses they give about white because of their robes, or what the fuck ever else they ramble on with, they're still called the great white brotherhood of the serpent. Ancient writers said they dispersed truth to the world. They were said to influence the Pythagoreans as well as possibly the orientals in ways of kundalini and chi teachings. It was said that they were taught by a group of people with a really fuckin weird name, the annanuki, who they say were from the sky. They had some weird hats they wore and some pictures of them showed them with beards. Usually, people in schools talk about ancient civilizations, and Egypt was a big fucking place back then. Greece interacted with Egypt, as well as Rome, and the rest of Africa. People came up with all sorts of non-essential theories and ideas that in all actuality don't mean shit in modern times. This is how I got my ideas though about what I call devil worship. But I'm trying to write fucking basic and with a whole lot of profanity because typically people don't want to hear new religious theories or different ideas and be goddamned stifled into a straight jacket and reverse noose to goto the prison pews on Sundays, so I'm trying to make things clear in a way somebody who would need some help or purpose, would find the most goddamned relevant.

I walked into the restroom like I normally do after the movie. Sooner than later a faggoty old man walked in after me just as I approached the urinal. He was making some sort of sounds in a casual way like huh, and hmmm, like he thought something was interesting and let out a controlled chuckle. He was sighing as well on his way to the toilet down the row of urinals. It felt heavily like he was applying the brother up routine as an old faggoty man. Even if he was not a faggoty fany pack type of man, I would not brother up. I don't do the initiation routine and pay ten dollars to be a friend. I'm not a dumbass…usually. Ever since I've been on my own at eighteen I've had goddamned people taking their fallacious views of command to look for me to have to waste my fuck bucks on them and pay attention to what they're about and waste my energy to tell them to fuck off. This incident set the whole tone for the restraunt I was in later. I'm not a homophobic, but I do goddamned despise queers. I'm not one myself, and I don't support their trend to gift a fuck, Jesus doesn't love everyone, and I don't want to support them because Ii actually have values I care about., and I'm not fucking desperate, and nobody is born a faggot. You become one when you suck enough dick and gift enough hand jobs. Even fat obese women and ill health women I don't want sucking my cock or gifting me a hand job. I say no. At the restraint I found myself utterly repulsed by a homosexual host, utterly hoping he was not giving us the seat, irritated for man poser #2 that night. I've gotten my intake of social scenery to be very quick and minimal, and I can tell attractive women and not in like 2 seconds. I keep general tabs. I don't have utter requirements for tight asses and good boobs. But I have basic preferences for proportionate, and I am not looking for a goddamned blowjob everywhere I go,, I'm at a restraunt and they’re hostesses, this whole cunnundrum I have gotten into because my mind has been totally fucked with over time, not by being refused, but because of the immature cocksucker assumptive practices about where I fit in and the brother up attitudes that say I have no chance in getting laid and I'm a chomo routine, when they’re the goddamned pedophiles. I feel often like I'm headed toward the point when I'm like drew carry in the movie where he goes postal because of living too much in my goddamned head as an introvert empath. Whatever the case, my shit festered ramblings are done for today, and it's just another day at that.

“I thought he was just another normal guy!” I said, totally dumbfounded about recent sexual assault charges. We hung out together a few times and played some x-box, smoked some weed and drank a couple beers now and again. He listened to the same music I did, and we were around most the same people. Me and my stupid ass had mostly a Christian upbringing and I felt awkward on most occasions. Different woman had views I was a chomo on an invalid assumption and thought I looked ugly. I was pissed several times over about this double standard. I never assumed that this guy was actually a chomo himself in literal application. “Yeah, he was in his car and called a couple teen girls over and had it out and everything.” The conversation continued with several comments about that not being right, and what the fuck statements. I decided to take some advantage of this aspect, “well it just goes to show how fucked up women’s views are about which men are chomos! The most normal guys aren't really how they seem to be!” The conversation turned for an awkward silence, and people eventually just started to leave…

Metalocalypse said it the best. Fuck Fate. Here in the steel jungle, laws of the jungle reign, and might is right, whether anybody likes it or not. Post mortem white seplechur views of some type of epoch or arma-goddamned-geddon is so overrated any fuckin ways, and regardless of how definite Christians are of their hatha toilet seat meditations on meggiddo, the end in the truest sense is not definable. No, I'm not following the ISIS terror views for some type of recruitment, but like metallica wrote, carpe diem. Our future is our own and the sadistic sky bastard is not in charge the way they say. He just vouyers over earth and sticks his finger in every now and again and leaves. Only the ones who thrive off the need to be coddled their whole lives search for their sky god and his directions. It's debatable, and if I were in war with them I'd use a fucking broad axe. For many this is still a very big fucking wall of feces and pestilence to ever get over, and is a process. Don't kick yourself, hindsight is less than 20/20. We all have to catch up at one time or another.

Wake up, coffee, breakfast… Standard day to day grunge, Say hey, Move along, Repeat… They say at least nothing bad is happening, right? I’m not to sure about that, being a recluse has its severe times of cabin fever, And life passes you by. Sometimes u just gotta go for it and live, Whatever happens for better or worse, you at least have a story. It’s all I can do to stay sane, If you live afraid all your life, Never knowing anything new, It will stay the same. I’d give this advice out to anyone Who has a chance to avoid it.