"Any kind of honesty is rebellion"
-Yevgeny Yevtushenko
part 1.
I made a mistake that time.
I put into my head enough thoughts for both of us.
the unknown is what I need
what you think.
literally.
Like a jar that will not open no matter how many men you ask and how much pride you give up.
take it back to when he sat next to her and listened for moments of disaster
but all she could think was "he's sitting across from me and we are not in class!"
We are agreeing.
we sit. not worrying of time. but now, time is disasterous. avoiding each other at every step, every instance.
When did i become the kind to feed the fire
to beat the dead horse
I must think he'll wake up.
When we put ourselves in a room with the door closed, blinds closed, not more than a foot apart.
Our chairs rolled, swiveled, back and forth.
Her wanting to move closer to him found
the only time he did not back away. But she knew
she would ruin
everything if
that room had become a confessional booth.
But I made a mistake that time.
I put you above me.
And without balance without equality
we slowly pushed each other away.
He didnt want to feel
while she didnt want not to
why can't honesty prevail when disaster is sought out and created by each side.
But i digress...
I made a mistake that time.
and what is done cannot be undone.
```
part 2.
But look at me, I cannot even stop thinking about you let alone writing about you or wanting something out of this.
This, this, is nothing.
You should mean nothing.
But alone i sit, thinking about how you're doing, how you're feeling
because of this, this, feeling.
never will this be what it feels like.
never will i feel what it really is.
why never can i understand you as you
The muse gives away all her ideas and cant keep any for herself.
other people inspire me but i dont inspire myself.
i think you are beautiful and not of myself.
or at least not as much.
a curse i think.
nothing more.
part 3.
swimming swimming slowly slown sorry
im sorry sex signifies solitude
amongst society situated stiffly
singing of sullen but sweet fragility
solo sentences see satisfaction
your signature simply symbolizes buddhist shrines
saturday sought out
school stems south in interest
strange to see your sights on strike
I must subject silly shots swung to share
a split second stung sorrow spent well
silly me, safety first.
sexual situations like sulfur
straight sunny superior suffocating support
severe serenading to the source of serious self-denial
sacrifice
surrender
the sublime.
