Heather's blog: "An Understanding.."

So I get asked from time to time why I have such ill feelings towards men. No I'm not a lesbian bashing hating women or anything (no offence to those who do). To have a better understanding and so I don't have to explain as much, I thought I'd give a better understanding to this issue. I'm ill towards men because frankly I think every man I have came in contact or had a relationship with, has personally ripped me a new one each and every time, and sometimes multiple because I try and forgive men and give a second chance some. I have never liked being lied to and especially at face value. Nothing ticks me off more than to have a man lie directly to my face and think I am supposed to be that damn stupid. Do not try and make me think I am just paranoid or forgetful. I mean seriously that's just bloody damn wrong. I have always been upfront and honest about myself and although I am not perfect, I expect a man to treat me with respect. If I can come to a man and tell him that I think we need to end things, then have the balls to tell me that rather than sending me an email, a text message, or letting me find out by seeing him with another girl. Also I know that not everyone is like me. But if a man knows I act a certain way, talk a certain way, and spend time with certain people before we start dating; then don't expect me to change just because it something i do or say he doesn't like all of a sudden. I like to feel appreciated and loved. So why wouldn't a man never tell me I'm beautiful or thank you for something I do for him? I will go out of my way to make sure the person I am with is happy. I will do what ever I can to help a man out if he needs help with something. So why when it comes down to me needing help does a man never come to my rescue or feel like I'm a burden when I need help with something. I try and make sure to spend time with the man I am dating. There is nothing I hate more then having to guilt trip him into spending time with me. If I have to guilt trip him into doing something, then why the hell is he even with me in the first place. If someone starts bashing the man in front of me, granted i am going to wait to see if he needs help with the problem, but if a man sees someone bashing me repeatedly; don't just ignore me and then ask whats wrong with me when he clearly see I'm hurt. And yes I am a sexual person but sex is not the most important thing to me. But if a man expresses he is also a sexual person and I have to beg or hint or even nag him to be sexual with me; then clearly this relationship will not work so don't make me feel like shit when I feel like being sexual. I like hugs and I love small forms of public affection. If I go to walk with him and hold his hand and he pulls away from me, he better believe I am not going to be a very happy person at all. I have never cared if a man has his "guy nights out" because frankly I have my friends I want to spend time with too; but if I have to feel like I need to compete with his friends just to get attention, then clearly we have a serious problem. I try and always be the most respectful around a man's family. But don't expect me to appreciate being bashed over and over from his family especially in my presence and not have him explain that what they are doing to me is wrong! "I Love You" never gets old to me hearing it come from the man I am with. The phrase is not going to get old or even lose it's meaning if he says it more than once a week. DO NOT think I will be a happy person if a man takes advantage of my generosity to get what ever he wants. I hate being used and made to think I mean something to him just because the man wants something he knows I can help him get. I am a human being who has a heart and wears it on her sleeves. I have goals and dreams that I wish that one day will come true, and I work very hard to make them come true. So don't think that I am going to just sit there and listen to a man do nothing with his life and then make me miserable just because he's not happy with his life. A relationship is about team work and being a support system to help each other be the best that they can be. If a man can't be there for me when I'm feeling like all hell is breaking lose on me; then why does a man expect me to help him fix all his problems and not give a damn about mine. So if men repeatedly do nothing but break my heart and makes me feel like I'm worthless, then yes, I will feel like having someone good for me in my life will never come true, and I will just continue to grow old alone!