I have changed over the last couple weeks. It is all because I met a very amazing girl named Shae. Technically I have known her for what seems like a long long time, but it hadn't been till recently that we actually met in person. We originally met online over a year ago. Over the internet we talked about what was going on in our lives, what we had gone through, relationships, life, and other stuff. We were getting along great. Not to mention she had been calling me her future husband. In my mind I was saying to myself, "I want to be her future husband."
We always told each other that we would meet in person one day. Although we decided it would be me who would travel. I told her that when I had the money and the time I would go see her. When I was at Fort Gordon, GA for training I decided that I would take the weekend off and go see Shae in Alabama. I was nervous the whole week before the weekend. I was nervous and telling myself do it, no don't do it. I went back and forth with myself for days. Then on Friday I finally just said fuck it and I did the 5 and a half hour drive to Alabama. I arrived at the hotel I decided on staying at around 10:30 P.M. on Friday May 11th, 2007. I called her and told her I was in town. I don't know how much I smoked but I know it was a lot because of how nervous I was. But I was also scared because I didn't want to smell like smoke so I brushed my teeth two or three times and used mouthwash. I also put on to much cologne.
I paced back and forth in my hotel room for about a half hour and tried to watch TV but I couldn't sit or lay still. I also couldn't decide on a shirt to wear. Finally after what seemed like days she knocked on the door. I opened the door and when I saw her I was shocked. I told myself to keep my jaw closed but I don't know if it was. We got along right away. We ended up going over to one of her friends' houses and hung out for a while. We both acted as if we had known each other for a long time. That is till we went outside and got close. We were both nervous and that was very apparent. I could tell that she wanted to kiss me and I knew that I wanted to kiss her really bad. Finally we kissed under the stars – there weren't very many but there was a couple. It was at that moment that I knew that I wanted to be with her for a long time.
It was really hard to say goodnight when she dropped me off at the hotel. I tried not to cry when she pulled away. But if you know me, you know that I am an emotional person. Later that day when she showed up again I was extremely happy. We hung out that night with some of her friends at Brew Brothers. It was like we had been boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time. There wasn't any nervousness anymore and we weren't afraid to kiss or cuddle in front of her friends. I hate goodbyes but once again we had to say goodbye. Then on Sunday morning she came to see me before she went to work and before I left back to Georgia. She was crying when she left and I was tearing up. It made it harder on me to see her crying. I wanted to stay there with her and not go back to Georgia.
On the drive back to Georgia all I could think of was her. I couldn't get over how much I felt for her. Throughout the week that I was still in class, thoughts of her kept creeping into my mind and distracting me. But I welcomed those thoughts because just thinking of her made and still makes me happy. After I got out of class on Friday I was seriously considering going back to Alabama and spending more time with her. The reason I didn't do it was because I didn't have enough money to make it to Alabama and then back to Maryland.
When I got back to Maryland I knew that I was broke but I calculated just how much money I would spend on gas and food if I was to go back to Alabama for the four day weekend I was about to have. It turned out that I would only have 20 dollars left to pay for gas and food when I got back to Maryland. I would have to spend those 20 dollars over about four days. I have to fill my car up with gas every other day here and it costs more than 20 dollars to fill it. Even though I would run out of gas after I got back I said fuck it and I put in the paper work to get a pass so I could go down to Alabama again.
Over the three days that I was down in Alabama visiting Shae for the second time, I had the best time I have ever had. I didn't care that I had to wait for three hours for her to get off of work or that I would be broke as hell when I got back to Maryland. Just seeing her again would make all of that go away. Sure enough, when I saw her again all of the things I was worrying about disappeared. I didn't even really remember that I was broke till the end of the weekend when I left. During those three days we didn't do to much but it was a lot of fun doing the things we did like playing in the lake, going to a playground at 10:45 at night, and other little things like that. She just makes everything fun.
Shae and I are opposites. She is outgoing, funny, silly, and doesn't care what people think of her when she is doing stuff. I on the other hand am reserved, quiet, shy, and get embarrassed easily. We basically complete each other. There are lots of other things that we are opposites on but I just listed the very obvious ones.
The greatest night that I have ever had was the night that we lied on top of the storm shelter behind her house and fell asleep holding each other under the stars after we talked for a couple hours (I took a picture of us that night and it is currently my default myspace picture.) She says that she feels as if she is the only girl in my world when I look at her and well she is right. When I am with her, she is the only girl in my world. Even when I am not with her she is the only girl. I have stopped talking to quite a few people since I met Shae in person and I know it pissed them off but I do not care because I am happy with Shae.
Over the second weekend that I was there we talked about marriage. It wasn't the first time. We had talked about it before we even met in person. But we both wanted to get married to each other so now we are going to actually do it sometime in the future. Now I really am Shae's future husband. There is so much more that I want to say about this amazing girl but I cannot put all of my thoughts into words.
Shae, I know you are reading this and I want you to know that I love you and that I care for you more than anything!
Here is a link to what she wrote about me - it is on myspace.
