Ok so there are a few things that I need to get off my mind just some things bugging and it makes me feel better so that I can do this since right now I have no one really to talk to. Well last night I found out that boyfriend really is with his other girlfriend still. That she is not his ex. Wow what a hit in the face but I kind of knew it I kind of expect it this kind of stuff always happens to me. Why I guess because I am too good of a person to not let it. Well it all happened like this matt and I were laying on the bed are we were talking and I told him what my biggest fear was my biggest fear being that he would run back to her (this is with me thinking that she was his ex gf) after the new baby was born because see he has a new baby on the way with her. He started telling me that he has little respect for himself right now and I asked him why and he said he wasn’t going to tell me because it wasn’t the right time and he didn’t want to be leaving my place tonight and I said I already know and he looked at me kind of cocked his head and said what do you think I was going to say and I said right out to him “that you have been with her since you have been with me” he got this shame full look on his face and said yes but I haven’t been honest with you I said ok. He said she is not my ex she thinks we are still together and I lied to her I told her that your roommate isn’t your roommate she thinks that she is your lover I am thinking omg I got mad at that I didn’t get mad at the fact he told me that they were still sleeping together I kind of already knew you know a woman’s intuition and all that feeling when they come home and are all tense and you cant quiet but a finger on why they are so distance and there is tension but you have a good guess because you figure they were in another woman’s arms? When there’s not a trace of you around him except maybe a non programmed phone number in his phone and he deletes your comments about I miss you on his profile or hides his email when you come in the room. Its kind of a for sure thing or when you see that she is buying him strawberries and whip cream on fubar and then you get to wondering hummmmmmmmmmm why then you get mad and a little jealous then all the stuff that you wonder if its true. I could feel something was bothering him but what the time we spend together I am just so happy I just kept trying to push it out of my mind. Trying to tell my self it wasn’t true. I asked him if he loved me he said yes but he couldn’t explain it. I asked him. Is it the passion love that love when you’re happy and content and the most lovingness touch from this person makes you happy? And he said with about a doubt the out restrain that yes he love me that way. I told him I understand becasue I do I know the feelings from someone who is the other half of your child’s life I was with my ex for 7 yrs. Well was we laid there and talk and I realize that we do love each other but he does feel obglagted to be with her because of this child even though he does love her in that way that a father loves his child’s mother. But loves me in the sense that I am his lover and compassion and his happiness and I bring him things that she can not. I feel like a substitute for what she does not have. But in another sense I know what we have I know the passion and happiness we share with each other. I know he is not happy with her I know that the feeling of loving her but not in love with her are there I know in my heart how he looks at me how he touches me how he talks about me to me with me the he loves me!! or am i dreaming?
