Beloved Wife of La Furet's blog: "Altering the Conversation"

I'm getting hand fasted tomorrow to my beloved La Furet. The planning has been going very well, and we're having about 50 guests join us for the celebration. Here's the invitation text.. Linda and Christopher are having a celebration marking the beginning of their year and a day betrothal. Honored guest, please join us on: Friday, the twenty second of June two thousand and seven at seven o'clock in the evening in the stone circle at the Longhouse. Light Buffet and Merriment to follow the ceremony. This is a Goth-Pirate themed celebration; you are welcome to come dressed in this fashion. In fact, we strongly encourage it! Please reply before the first of June. If you have any questions, contact Linda by Telephone: (xxx) 123-XXXX ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OK - I'm off to do more stuff. TTFN!

I've had the pleasure of knowing my beloved "La Furet" for nearly a year now. I met him last June, we started dating in November, and how the time has flown! I'm very excited that we are going to have an engagement party [Handfasting if you prefer]...we're going to be doing the "Year and a Day" type of vows. After a year and a day....if we decide to keep each other, who knows? All I know is that I'm very happy, and feel quite blessed.

Starts today! Anyone going? It's gonna be fun...

I was reading an online acquaintance's blog and she's asking for random reader questions in her journal. I wanted to save the following question because I might need to remember this down the road. [Now to mention right now...] What do you predict in the future for me and my boyfriend? What are some sure indications why a relationship will or will not work? Okay, first thought is: Why are you asking me? I'm a bisexual poly soon to be divorcee, and romance isn't exactly the predominant feature of my life. (*grin* Okay, maybe that's not really fair. I have some really wonderful people in my life, and they do a wonderful job of putting up with not-very-romantic me.) Though I guess I have arguably been around the block. I don't think there are any sure indications. And I think there are too many different definitions of what people mean by work. Does working mean you stay together for the rest of your lives? Would it be more working to stay together no matter what, or to possibly part and good separate ways amicably? I have a lot of biases. I think people in relationships are individuals, and relationships should be about maximizing individual happiness, rather than people sacrificing themselves for the relationship. (I don't mean "be an inconsiderate asshat". If you decide that doing something that is of direct benefit to your partner is going to make you happy even if it costs you something, than do it, and be happy. Helping one's partners is fun. But don't do it and feel bitter and resentful and say stupid bitter things about sacrifices. It's your decision, and you own it.) I'm also leery of making promises on behalf of your future self. I don't think you can promise to love someone forever. (Okay, perhaps for some of the more abstract definitions of love.) You don't know who you will be, and you don't know who they will be in the future. (It's easy enough not to know who they are in the present!) You can, I suppose, promise to stay with them forever... but even barring practical difficulties, is it the healthiest thing? In that light... I think it's important to keep in mind that you don't just make a relationship, or a marriage, or whatever, and then you're in it, fade out on happily ever after. You make it and choose to be in it every day. It's got to be an ongoing process. It helps if you have similar values, and similar goals. It helps if you're able to learn and grow together. It helps if you have similar neatness threshholds, and don't drive eachother out of your minds. It helps if you know yourself well. Maybe that last more than anything else. Good luck. Sorry, no crystal ball here ;-)

An odd space my head is in. Lots of chemicals running through my head. Oh not the recreational drug kind, but more of the chemicals involved with attraction, love, and finally attachment. Attachment is when you begin to see your love in a more real and rational light. In my opinion love is fun - not to mention insanity at its finest. All kinds of chemicals are released like estrogen and testosterone which help our sex drives work. Going along with that is the wonderful giddiness caused by dopamine - thought to be the "pleasure chemical," producing a feeling of bliss. And there's norepinephrine is similar to adrenaline and produces the racing heart and excitement. Here's more: Another possible explanation for the intense focus and idealizing view that occurs in the attraction stage comes from researchers at University College London. They discovered that people in love have lower levels of serotonin and also that neural circuits associated with the way we assess others are suppressed. These lower serotonin levels are the same as those found in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders, possibly explaining why those in love "obsess" about their partner. Here's where I think I am headed..... The attachment, or commitment, stage is love for the duration. You've passed fantasy love and are entering into real love. This stage of love has to be strong enough to withstand many problems and distractions. Studies by University of Minnesota researcher Ellen Berscheid and others have shown that the more we idealize the one we love, the stronger the relationship during the attachment stage. Psychologists at the University of Texas in Austin have come to the same conclusion. They found that idealization appears to keep people together and keep them happier in marriage. "Usually, this is a matter of one person putting a good spin on the partner, seeing the partner as more responsive than he or she really is," says Ted Huston, the study's lead investigator. "People who do that tend to stay in relationships longer than those who can't or don't." Playing a key role in this stage are oxytocin, vasopressin and endorphins, which are released when having sex. Wow. I suppose the point-if there is one...is that love is like mental illness, and that's got to be comforting on some level for those of you going through it as I am, and wondering - WTF is going on? No wonder it's a bit uncomfortable not to mention daunting. Conversely, it is also the sweetest bliss that I've known. The closest thing to a feeling of family, and remembering that it's okay to admit you can't be an island. Help is on the way...and you can always return the favor. [all the scientific jargon was from this article: http://science.howstuffworks.com/love5.htm]

Hey hey to all my sweet [or sour] cherries. I've been busy in my offline life so have barely had computer time. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing my ratings like I should be, but know that I appreciate my Cherry Tappers out there. Argh, gotta go to work! Peace!

Mood: Amazed by the obvious. You see, I had a slight epiphany today. Today I was commenting on someone's blog in OK Cupid and realized that I wasn't squicked out by the word fat. Here's the comment: "My thought process goes like this: If you post profile pictures of yourself and how you currently look, then most people will be able to figure out if they are attracted to you. If you're worried that some might still not be able to figure out what size you are, then you could actually put the word "fat" someplace in your profile. I'd much rather have someone just look at me and if I'm not their cup of tea, then they can merrily go on with their bad selves. To me body size is a preference like any other thing, and the word fat is descriptive language." Fraking wow. Could I have said that a year ago? I think the difference is that I believe it. Mind you, I've been walking the walk and talking the talk for years. Been doing this by a couple of different methods like making the word all cute, spelling it "phat", or going to BBW [Fat Person] conventions to be with other fat folks. The difference for me is, the word fat is rapidly approaching the descriptive language category in my vocabulary, my inner critic, and my heart. Could this just be me having a so called good day, or is it something deeper? Let me reflect a bit: I have squishy parts. Soft parts that keep me and my loved ones warm. An abundance of ass, pretty, inviting, firm, touchable boobies [so I've been told lately - heh!] a sweetly pinchable face full of cheek and chin[s] - please ask before you pinch m'ok?...in addition there's my thick thighs, soft yet strong arms, and my round belly that my loves like to rest heads on while I stroke or pet their hair. Now I can exhale. It's OK. Or it's quickly gonna be. A wow moment. Right on.

I was running late, and getting irritated with circumstances that were beyond my control. I knew that I was expected much earlier, I had a very important date with a man and a fire. It was worth the wait by the time I got there as the fire was going strong with the coals singing and crackling. On this night I didn't come there to be social with a big group of people, it wasn't my purpose. Sitting semi silently with Owl and Ferret under the stars was the best pre Christmas gift ever. I knew that was what I was supposed to be doing. When we all got back to the Wolfden.. I was saying goodbye to Owl, and I thanked him for keeping his promise and building that fire for me. This morning I breathe deeply and notice my hair still smells of the fire's smoke. I again think of my wonderful friend and the fire he tended for me until I could see him......I'm still smiling.