so here i am, at 3 am. can't sleep. I broke up with him for a myriad of reasons, all justifiable. he lied. he got his mom to lie to me, twice, and i caught them. I think about our baby, and how i'm going to have another child, without a dad around. It's probably better this way, who needs a dad that's a habitual liar? one that is only around once a week for a couple hours, only to get what he wants and leave? He used me for sex and what i could buy him. He lied to me about where he was and what he was doing, just so he wouldnt' have to spend time with me. and yet i have guilt issues. I am the one that dumped him. for all that he's done wrong, i love him. I love him the way he was, before he found out we were going to have a child. I never dumped anyone before, and it feels like all this is my fault. I was hoping he'd wake up, and be the one i fell in love with. He said he was going to call me today, even after i ended it.. suprise suprise he never did, as usual. you'd think he'd at least call me every day, to see how my day went, how the appointment was, that he missed on purpose, how our baby was doing. but, somehow he didn't care enough to.it was always me calling him, after he said he would and didn't, so i was hurt, and angry, and alone. that's one thing that hasn't changed. with or without him, i feel alone, all the time. I did tell him if he decided to quit lying to me, to be around for more than a couple hours of sex, that we could try again. he was upset... so why didn't he call today? to try again? I love him. I don't care if he's broke all the time, all i wanted was him to love me, respect me.. and somehow that was too much to ask. odd thing, he was so hurting from his sunburn he couldn't work, couldn't talk to me last night long enough to try to save anything, yet he was excited enough to call his friend, whom he hadnt' talked to in over 2 weeks, to tell him we broke up. what the hell is that? funny thing, his friend called me, to make sure he was telling the truth about it.. (odd.. i wonder if he told him we broke up before?) so apparently he lies to his best friend too. I keep thinking me and the baby are better off.. no more stressing out cause he said he'd be here and never showed, never even called to say he couldn't come, never called to say he cared.. so we probably are better off.. but then why does it hurt so much? why does it bother me so much i can't sleep? and why do i still love him and want him back?
