i sit in my darkened room alone as my tears come falling down my reddened cheeks
i sob and cry for losing the one i found that made me feel like i meant something
i screwed up with him just like i have done with all the others to make them walk away
alone again and frusterated because alone is how i always end up being and that hurts
alone isnt as bad as being lonely and i have never felt so lonely in my life
i have people i can turn to, but without him its just not enough for me
i cant say the words and tell him how i feel because its too much for him to handle
i cant reach out and touch him, to hold him and let him know that i am here for him
hes a million miles away and yet it feels like he was just here and left
walking away from me from life from everything around him to heal his pain
i truly believe i helped cause that pain and thats why i feel so alone and lonely
i helped to hurt someone i care alot about my friend, one of the best
someone i could turn to in the middle of a break down
someone who would remind me of right and wrong, and help me when he could
someone who thinks poorly of himself and cant see why i think the world of him
if he were in trouble and needed me there, i would swim an ocean to get to him
i would sell everything i owed to be able to afford to be with him when he needed me there
i would back pack across the country to be a shoulder for him to cry on
yet i come across too strong sometimes making him back away from me a little farther
i am going to be alone for the rest of my life and going to be lonely inside
the one thing, one person i truly would do anything for, isnt the person that can handle me
he wouldnt be able to watch me lose it time and time again
he wouldnt be able to see me throwing things and screaming
i would break him inside if he had to watch me when my temper and depression kicks in
as much as i want him with me i want him happy and thats not with me
as much as i dont want to be alone i want him to move on to someone else and be happy without me
i want the world for him and i cant give that to him now, or in the future.
so here i sit alone in my bedroom with tears pouring out knowing that i am alone but knowing
this is what is best for everyone involved... especially him.
