So, at 2:47 am, a horrible realization hits me. I NEED to be alone. I havent been 100% completely UNATTACHED from someone since prolly '04. Yes actually, thats right. Now, Im not a slut, but I always seem to have attachments. And with barely anytime betwe en the abusive mentally fucked up one, the emotional rollercoaster of a boyfriend who couldnt "handle" my life ( 2 fucking years goddamnit!), the one who didnt know how to "be there" for me, the two cheating boyfriends, the one that left came back left came back again and used me, I havent had any "alone" time. I am a jumble of emotions ranging from compassion and love, to rage and revenge. I feel like I need to be alone for awhile. No emotional attachments, no trusting anyone but myself, no "love". No nothing. I refuse to allow myself to get into another abusive relationship, whether physically, mentally, emotionally, financially. If I get into one, I will end up hating everyone and anyone, I will die alone. And that is not something I want. I do not want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I can not carry around all these feelings with me for the next 50 years. And I have no reason to forgive anyone of them, and yet I have. I have even apologized multiple times to one ( and it wasnt just me that fucked this up either ), but its pathetic, that despite the fact that I hate being wrong, I apologized for things HE DID TO ME! Now, I think thats whats called being a better person. Because I can assure you, none of them are a "good man." None of them can live on their own, they all need. They do not know how to stand up and take responsibility when they fuck up, thats apparently my job. And I must say, I have taken care of more than my fair share in all of my relationships. But I need to be alone, away from everything. And I can not deal with anymore sappy shit. No more " Aww baby I love you." and if I ever have to hear " Awww baby please... just for me? Why wont you take just one for me?? I love you..." I will personally make sure you will not ever be able to have sex again. I will not take naked pics, I will not take topless pics. NO = NO. Most of you guys dont even mean shit to me, just because I talk to you, doesnt mean Im going to fuck you. Get it?
Now, for some people who read this (( oh yes, that means you )) I may sound like a complete and utter bitch. Good, thats what I want. Because I need to be alone, I need to get my own shit straightened out and I will not be asked any more fucking dumbass questions such as " Hey girl, do you think my big hard cock can pound your tight hot wet pussy sometime soon?" The answer is No. and if you ask me how I taste, lmfao youll be asked how you taste, and if you dont know, Ill talk you into licking your hand off. Then see how much you like getting a mouth full of cum! MMMMMM YUM! * rolls eyes*
whatever. go away.
