Don't step in unfamiliar liquids and if you do wipe your shoe on the person passed out on the floor.
If you happen to soak your clothing in an alcoholic beverage, don't suck on your sleeve. (it's bad manners)
If you happen to awaken in the morning next to someone you don't know, pretend you do know them. They probably don't remember you either. Find out their name later and when you see them at another party, act as if you've known them for years.
If you get drunk, vomit in an open, but conspicuous place. That way them stench won't overpower everyone, but your friends can tease you about it for years.
If you really want to pick up that someone special, purposely spill your alcoholic beverage on their clothing. Then offer to clean up the mess by inviting them to return with you to your residence so that you can do their laundry for them. You may want to add that you, "have a couple of quarters burning a hole in your pocket."
If you happen to accompany someone to their place of bedship, listen for gastro-intestinal noises while they sleep. When you hear one pretend not to notice. The next morning, call them and inform them that their friends are all amused by the tales of flatulence you have told them.
Don't drool.
If it smells like beer, looks like beer, tastes like beer, DRINK IT!
When you're drunk remember this saying, "Running is bad! Running is bad!"
Don't fall asleep on the toilet because you'll get caught with their pants I mean my pants, I mean what? Oh your pants down.
Stay away from beers which cost less than a quarter a can or are entitled Utica Club.
Again on meeting that special someone, if s/he is so drunk that s/he can't even hold themselves up, but can still manage to balance a beer in one hand and a joint in the other, you know that s/he is for you.
We had to skip this one because it's evil.
If Satan is coming for you, you've had enough.
When making party circulation, be sure to clock how long it takes to sprint to the bathroom or a window. If it takes more than three seconds, this party is not for you due to the fact that when your drunk it will take 10 times longer.
Friends don't let friends pee on each other.
When deciding what to wear to a party, remember more is better. Once at the party of course, less is more.
When going to a party, always wear a name tag. If you are a constant party-goer, have your name and address tatooed on your favorite body part.
If someone convinces you that your name is Beavis and their name is Butthead and tries to get you to set fire to your hair, it's time to leave.
Don't dirink and typer at the sazme time. you make too many mistekees.
Remember don't tell the R.A. "SHHH! Don't tell the R.A. I'm drunk."
Remove all staplers from your residence before you throw a party.
During a camp out, pitch the tent BEFORE you drink.
Smile :) It makes people wonder what you're up to.
In the infamous words of Bartles & James, "Thank you for your support."
