Having understanding sometimes helps
but for most of the time it means nothing
To have dreams of ending the pain,
of the suffering of ones mind and heart
Finally terminating life seems to be
euphoria for those that suffer depression
When does pain become so overbearing
that one cannot notice the frustration,
the sadness and sense of loss in their friends?
When does pain and suffering for others
turn around in egotistical tendancies?
Yes, friend, I love you, but ..........
but .............
I cannot live anymore
I cannot cope anymore
So, do not be sad (is that sarcastic?)
do not miss me (yea right!)
do not cry (first you allow me to love you and then you take it away?)
And then it is there, you took your pills
cut the life line and left this earth
left me ...... your so called sister, friend
left me behind, bewildered, totally frustrated
for what could I do?
What could I do from the other side of the world?
Mere words are not enough
They cannot reach the pain in your heart
Yet were strong enough to make me love you
Strong enough to make me care for you
Yet totally insufficient in helping you
And now, in the aftermath I am here
alone, frustrated, sad, mad, angry
and another heap of pain to manage in my heart
because you opted out
you made me love you
and then showed me my love is not enough
which leaves me ....... where?
Bewildered and confused the doubt start
am I then not capable of giving love?
I was incapable of helping you, was I not?
doubt creeping in, I failed you did I not?
Maybe I should end this suffering the same way
But I cannot.
Because of those that love me
I cannot inflict such horrendous pain to them
I cannot turn a blind's eye to those I have created
So I plod on, now doubled over a bit more
for the weight of your loss is heavy
and one I shall carry to my end
The natural way
©dutch2lips
dec 11 2006
