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What are you waiting for?
I am lost.
Desperate.
Desolate.
I've lost myself. I've lost the grasp of all that I have ever known and loved.
Am I close? Is the cease beckoning? Or do I fear what I embrace in its entirety.
My angels. My darling angels. My Laina. My Whitney. My Chonni. My Hollie.
What is to become of my husband? Devoid of my love and devotion, will he falter in his resolve or as Romeo and Juliet join me in the unknown?
I fear I am losing touch with myself. Reality is a lie. I burn with hatred of a thousand suns and not one of would offer a hand or a listening ear.
I dying to stay afloat. I am dying. Yet, if I am gone... will I be missed?
I want a future. I want my daughter. I want my Jaydienne Jo to know and to love her mother. I want to know my child, my beautiful daughter that my husband and I will have created to join Laina.
I want Lianna to know that I loved her more than anything on this earth. Nothing is more precious than her glowing smile, her gorgeous personality, and the wonderful little girl she has grown up to be.
My husband. My darling sweet loving husband. Through our hardships... his psychosis, my diagnosis. He has stayed strong. He has been my pillar of strength, and slowly, his foundation is crumbling as I continue to falter, not by will, but by nature. If I pass on, will he join me? Will my Romeo take his own life because he will not live another day without his beloved Juliet? If I pass, I wish to be in his arms.... to take my last breath to tell him... "I loved you once, I love you still. I always have, and I forever will."
I do not fear death. I fear the voids I will leave in the ones that I do love. My wonderful family. My dedicated husband. My fantastic friends.
My will is to live. But I am afraid, as Juliet, that I shall falter. My Romeo shall see his lifeless love and join me in death. I do not wish that. I want for him to be happy if something should ever happen to me.
"The words have been drained from this pencil - Sweet words that I want to give you.
And I can't sleep. I need to tell you goodnight.
When we're together, I feel perfect. When I'm pulled away from you, I fall apart.
All you say is sacred to me. Your eyes are so blue, I can't look away.
As we lay in the stillness, you whisper to me.... 'Baby, Marry Me. Promise You'll Stay With Me'
Oh, you don't have to ask me... you know you're all that I live for.
You know I'd die just to hold you.... stay with you....
Somehow, I'll show you that you are my *Night Sky*,
I've always been right behind you...
Now I'll always be right beside you...
So many nights, I've cried myself to sleep.
Now that YOU LOVE ME, I LOVE MYSELF.
I Never Thought I Would Say That.... I'd Never Thought There'd Be *YOU*"
Amy Lee - "You" ~ Dedicated to my heart, my soul, my life, my everything, my husband, my Ian.
You are my will to live, and we will live happily ever after.
Forever and Always,
Your Wife,
Kiera Rose
