For the most part I'm a pretty layed bacc girl! Typical days I don't really do shyt at all... I'm either on the internet, painting, or studying computers lol and sometimes talking to my Parents and sisters and their bfs cause we all live together, 7 of us in one house hold with 11 pets... so not very often am I bored, but then again I often fantasize about killing myself from time to time! Trust me I would never have a reason to lie to you about anything cause I don't have to lie to kicc it! Umm lets see, I've been agoraphobic for 3 years now... It all started bacc well, 3 years ago when I and my friend were raped and they had asked both of us if now we were going stay in the bloods... she said no and they shot her in the head and she died in front of me, then I agreed because I knew what was next for her... her whole family was also going to die! And they did all except her Dad cause we never knew who he was, so I stayed, got raped 2 more times and finally one day my best friend whom was Crip killed himself on a overdose he told me in the suicide note to take his place (because I'd do anything for my friends), and I dropped slobk to become a Crip worked my way up to where I'm at now... first lieutenant... soon to by leader/o.g. You can say why be in a gang? It's so stupid... like (OMG a gang... your sooo cool now), sorry but no it doesn't make me cool one bit and I understand that but you see here... It was either stay in/be in or get shot? And have my whole family also shot? I couldn't bare to have that happen to the ones I love never, even if I don't receive the same love back from them... Anywho... this whole agoraphobic thing has been hell... you can call me weak... say I'm using it as an excuses... whatever I've heard it all before but do you really believe that a person would actually like being in their house like a prison all their life? And the fact that I have fear of meeting people as well, so friends... haha what friends? All my friends are either in jail or dead if they live here in AZ except for a few meaning 3! Everyone else that is my friends live in different states/countries! So you think you got it hard think again... your out having party's and the only party I have is with my cat or over the internet! I know I don't want to be like this, I mean who does... I wanna travel, meet people, do something with my art and talents and get recognized but instead it seems this will never happen... I know "THE SECRET" aka "LAWS OF ATTRACTION" I understand all of this trust me and I use it on a regular basis to keep my mind on wined... but something always fucks up, its like if it can it will and so on! Some of ou know what I mean and then again I believe that theres not one more agoraphobic person on this site but if there is please for the love of God tell me! Maybe, a buddy system would work! I've tryed everything in the book to help me get over this fear, trust me... phycologist don't come to houses same as doctors or dentists don't either so if theres something wrong with me then let it happen... I try not to think of all that though, I know if I worry about it, it will happen, shyt how you think people get cancer I mean really? Umm... lets see what else oh so Ive been agoraphobic ever since, which is fear of everything for instance the outside world which goes along with clinical depression! Also Fear of big places I.E. outside... so Ive managed to lose my mind more then you can believe and recovered from it through underground, Independent rap and hip-hop... Umm lets see right now Im going to school to be a Computer Programmer and Web Designer and I'm currently a Muralist if you haven't already seen from my art! So, other then that yeah Im a layed bacc girl but its like I really have a choice in that matter to be or not! Anywho, theres a little about me as well... seems more like a lot though haha! BTW to show Im not lying about the shootings and rapes I want erry fuccin' FUBAR person to know who and what these fuckers look like cause trust me they will be out soon and dangerous!
Sooo... thats just to show you that I speak, my mind and I ain't scared of how people view me... I am what I am you can like me or love me! On the other hand... I'd love to see just one person on here step out of their shell and tell me who the FUCK THEY REALLY ARE! 
Ray Made Me Do It... https://fubar.com/lounge/51385
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