okay friends........
i've got some real shit going on in my head at the moment
part of it is work related
part of it is personal relationship related
part of it is friend related
some of you know this already but to be fair most of you dont.....
i made a real fuck up of my personal life about 2 years ago
i hurt the most precious person i have ever met, more than can be forgiven
she is the mother of my daughter
a truely beautiful person in every sense of the word
i have spent the last 16 months trying to rebuild bridges
its at times like these you need your friends and family
well, my family are divided (big help huh.....)
my brother is fucking awesome
my brother in law is even more awesome
neither of them have judged me........
both of them have been there for me when ive needed it
and yet my mum seems to not have any sort of grip of what im going through
or doesn't appear to want to know
she has seen her grandaughter 5 times on 2 1/2 years
i blame myself for this...........
and now for my friends.....
my two best friends are poles apart
one is expecting is third child now
he has his hands full already as his daughter has downs syndrome
the other,
has been clinically diagnosed as manic depressive
he has gone through a trauma but wont or cant tell me what it is.......
and now for my friends here.....
well,
there is only really one who knows most if not all of this
and that friend has their own life to live
they have three beautiful children
have been through an abusive relationship and come out stronger for it
but this friend has met somebody else.....
which is wonderful
what i dont understand though, is why they felt the need to tell me that they wouldnt be able to talk to me for the next 10 days or so as their new partner was down
ive never stopped phoning a friend or texting because i met somebody new???
or maybe i'm just over re-acting...........
