Those who know me know that I have a a certain fascination with the 80s. It's analogous to a car wreck - there you are driving down the road, then "BOOM!!!", a car wreck and you just have to watch. Well, there I was traveling down the road of life, then "BOOM!!!", the 80s. I just had to watch. This is my tribute, so to speak, to that car wreck known as the 1980s.
- Remember when the U.S. Hockey Team beat the Soviet Union in the Olympics? Yeah, that was awesome. I don't remember too much of that. I was only 2.
- DOWN WITH REAGAN!!! VOTE MONDALE FOR PRESIDENT!!!
- Awww, shit! Man, did I back the wrong horse!
- The following is a true 4th grade story.
"Dude! You hear what happened to Thor?"
"No, what happened?"
"He got beat up by Sara?"
"WHAT??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
"She had her Cabbage Patch Doll in her backpack, and hit him in the face with it. You know, the hard plastic part on the doll's face."
"OUCH!"
"He's got a black-eye now."
"What did he do her?"
"Just being Thor."
"HAHAHAHA! Dude, the Preppies will never stop messing with him now."
" I know. Pretty cool, huh?"
And, yes, I really went to school with a kid named Thor - Thor Schrock. Apparently, his parents wanted to give him a porn name, just in case that panned out.
- Which reminds me, whatever happened to Cabbage Patch Kids?
- Ah, I remember. They got their asses kick by the Garbage Pail Kids.
- Spuds Mackenzie kicks ass!
- I'm so going out to buy the new Bananarama album.
- I'm staying over at a friend's house this weekend. He's got MTV. We're gonna watch "YO! MTV Raps" and "Headbanger's Ball." You're jealous.
- Man, Tiffany is hot!
- Check out my skateboard! It's a Tony Hawk. Check it out! I got a Vision Street Wear shirt.
"Dude, where's your skateboard?"
"Ummm, some real skaters beat me up and took it."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Lucky they didn't take my shirt. They said that they didn't want me to walk home naked."
"You poser!"
"Fuck you!!"
*** I HAD A REALLY REALLY DIRTY MOUTH WHEN I WAS A KID. MOM USED TO WASH MY MOUTH OUT WITH LIQUID DISH SOAP ON A WEEKLY OCASSION. YOU CAN ASK HER. SHE'LL GLADLY VERIFY IT - ESPECIALLY THE LIQUID DISH SOAP PART ***
- And, yes, I was a major poser.
- The Brat Pack kicks ass! Well, except all the guys are gay.
- What's AIDS? And will your weiner really fall off if you get it?
- I seen this basketball player the other day - I think his name was Michael Jordan. I think he might have a future in the NBA.
- Are you kidding me? The Super Bowl Shuffle is the greatest song of all time!
"Chris? Where's the skateboard shirt I bought you?"
"Umm, oh, I let John borrow it, Mom."
"You got beat up again, didn't you?"
"Fuck you, PJ!!"
"PJ? Get the liquid dish soap."
"OK, Mom."
(PJ is my older brother)
- I hear that in real life Madonna isn't really a virgin.
- Ohhh, but that Martha Quinn. I bet she is.
"Mom? What's a virgin?" (SLAP!!!)
- The Seattle Seahawks will never make the Super Bowl. NEVER NEVER NEVER!!!!
- Man, the Yankees suck! So do the Braves. You'll never see those two play each other in the World Series, I assure you.
- Police Academy is such an awesome movie! Steve Guttenberg has a big future waiting for him in Hollywood.
- Michael Jackson is a God! However, he's beginning to look weird. Hopefully. he'll reverse this trend.
- You hear that new Billy Ocean song? It's radical!
(What ever happened to Billy Ocean anyway? Back in the 80s all you had to do was put on Billy Ocean and girls would melt in your arms. Lionel Richie had a similar effect.)
- DOWN WITH BUSH!!! VOTE DUKAKIS FOR PRESIDENT!!!
- God damnit, not again.
- I'm glad I got all my homework done. ALF is on tonight.
- How come no matter how fast those kids run through the forest, Jason is always one step behind?
- FUCK YEAH!!!! OPTIMUS PRIME!!!! LONG LIVE THE TRANSFORMERS!!!
- THUNDERCATS!!!! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
- Awwwwwww, "On Golden Pond" - how gay.
- BUSTED!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA, Ben Johnson!
- Check out Flo Jo's nails. Freaky.
- You guys ever hear of a band called Metallica? I hear they're really good.
- WOW! They tore down the Berlin Wall. From what I hear, that's historic or something.
- Where's Debarge and Menudo when you need them?
- The Broncos suck so bad! Elway will never win a Super Bowl.
- You see her leg warmers? Sexy!
"My uncle got Poison tickets. Wanna go?"
"Umm, no, not really."
"Loser."
"Yeah, huh. I'M the loser. Sure."
- I got Pac-Man Fever.
- I can't believe that was actually a hit.
- Dirty Dancing = a God awful movie.
- Seriously, I Wear My Sunglasses At Night.
- Here's a Rubix Cube trick - take off all the colored stickers and then put them back on with each side devoted to one color.
- Caddyshack II = a God awful movie worse than Dirty Dancing.
- Someone once gave me this piece of advice - "You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life, the facts of life...somethin...somethin...the facts of life are about you - yooouuu."
- TOOTIE!!!! That salad bowl haircut is hot!!! Meanwhile, Natalie is a little chunky, but clearly the smartest of the bunch. Blair is supposed to be the hottest. Every man in America is afraid of Jo. Mrs. Garrett will be replaced by Cloris Leachman for unexplainable reasons, effectively ending The Facts Of Life.
- Ewwwwwwwww, salad. Natalie knows what I'm talkin' about.
- Bo and Luke Duke will be replaced, for reasons no doubt inspired by communism. They'll return later, but the Dukes of Hazzard will be way too far in the doldrums to be saved.
- I didn't know Alex P. Keaton was also Teen Wolf.
- "NORM!!!" "Hey Norm, what's the good word?" "Sammy, it's a dog eat dog world and I'm wearin' milk bone underwear."
- Remember Night Court? Whatever happened to Bull?
- "CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN THE DIVISION!"
- FUCK YOU PADRES!
- "CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN THE DIVISION!"
- FUCK YOU GIANTS!
- Good ole Harry Caray - "Look at the kid in the sombrero!" - "He lost it in the sun? How can a guy from Puerto Rico lose the ball in the sun?"
- New Kids On The Block are like totally gay.
- "I Just Called To Say I Love You"
- The 90s are gonna totally rock!
