NTZ's blog: "A Return Of Thought"

I've made many mistakes in the future. Traumatizing and I've yet to get use to. So I sweat as I feel I must misuse. This love you have given me, why the fuck shall I abuse. Love is not a boat on a summer cruise. Its many days through a deadly storm and don't you hit that snooze. Wake up from the sirens and defend it with your might from these pirates, with camera crews. Seems like the neighborhood is watching, huddling all around us like its the evening news. Your parents did not approve. Reading the statuses. Is this how mad we get?  Will we ever find our cool? Turning this website to a tool used to be raping you. That's the realest shit i'll ever do and yes really I love you too. Still i'm all for you. Your one and only dude.

Happy homes no existence. No image of a family. TV sitcoms, we were a witness. Couldn't see a family life as we stood from a distance. Drunken father with his mistress while mom's always bitching. Microwaves used more than stoves in the kitchen. Domestic disputes cause happy days to become missing. Parents scream all they want but we kids never listened. Found friends with alcohol and smokes got our young attention. Tried a little weed now imagination begins to glisten. Feel a little better after fucking for an instance. World got shitty so we had to lit the incense. Didn't erase the smell so we shitted with you bitches. Tired of the living so we continue to cut through our stitches. Woven in our wrists, no one should be shock from what we keep hidden. If we succeed then we hope that God is forgiving. Happy Endings.

Being one that not only accepts interracial relationships but live it, the single mind becomes focused on the tone of the skin as well as believing it shouldn't matter as much as what's within. How can one not look at another race and wonder will they stereotype them by their skin and not give a chance to get to know them? I've seen those answers to those personal questions. Preferring one with similar tone as a mate. Much of what was exclusive to each group has been shared for decades. Now we all have some form of understanding of what trends through other races. So much so that its part of all our history and heritage. All because we realize we all live through the same struggles. Struggles that may walk through different paths but end up at the same destination. We all can relate. If we choose to look past the labels and profiles written over time by those who chose not to open their minds to the idea of we being just one species and not many races. Yes we are born what we are but we're more than that. We have to be, in order to be who we are. So maybe i'll continue to hesitate, as I can't trust there being a fair chance to grab your hand and you will gladly take a walk with me. History says I can't. The present proves history to be true. Hopefully the future see more change. Hello world. I'm just a man, interested.

Can't tell another how to feel what they feel when the situations get heated and the words get ill. Emotions kill more people than guns, drugs, and automobiles. Blood money used to pay bills. Skeletons buried in back fields. Dig up our past to see what's real. This meal been cooking for years and filled with love, laughter, and tears. For all that has disappeared, no longer can hear the whispers of all that we fear. Our eyes no longer ignoring the fact you stand in front of us or always near....Another gone. So long.  Hitting bongs. Smacking asses of bitches, fatties in thongs. Screaming because the dick getting long. This shit i'm on. Giving none. Celebrating like i won. Hands up not giving a fuck. It sucks so much work i'm putting in this shit and still not fucking paid enough. So when the time comes see me run. Millions in my pockets, hand holding an iPhone. Real time that I done. Last child but first son. What's going on? Marvin through your speakers still holding on. Smart in how I go dumb. Feeling everything as I go numb. All alone with a couple of women one call by the phone to let me come home and slide between thick thighs if i ever need to get warm. But i'm just too cold for the moment, winter thunderstorm. November born so scorpion swarm. Feel the stinger as you squirm or tongue in the ass, little wet worm. The shit that has been giving to me can never be the weight that tramples me. Instead strengthens me. Empowering my spirit to live how i live and fuck anyone who tells me to chill. When i reach my death bed, only then will I will. Kill yourself, no victim to the society you fill your children's head with that is real. Silently watching in my dark corner for years to know that look after swallowing that pill. Dont mind me as I appeal. Your honor. Dirty bitch dont want her. Gothic chick I'm on her. Black hair. Black out fit. Black kicks. Long heals. Chains. Tattoos. Make up. Wake up. Alarm, music on the phone tell me to get up. What? Dreaming as usual. My visual. No physical. Musical. Instrumental, playing that same old same old life with lyrics similar to the last shit I write. Alright. New sight. I'm gone. Goodnight. 

If you listen to them, would think I truly changed but before the recent history they never mentioned my name. But now, it's that stuck up nigga. Yeah bitch nigga lame. Talking to those bitches, do he really think he has some game? Camaro aint shit, wackness what a shame. Why dont you keep my name out your mouth and i'll do the same. Their eyes aim blasting holes through. Who's all new? Why care what you do? I'm good but are you? Im here to make money not be funny, or friendly. Don't be trying to conversate then turn around and speak hate. Dont friend me. Where was all of you when i find a thousand ways to end me? Driving my grandma's escort scared to import myself into society. Only wanted to be left alone, privacy. Now i'm out and about but not about to let motherfuckers who can die this very second to bother the joy that accompanies me in this present. A gift. My very presence for these ladies who just want a man to listen so nigga pay attention. But keep your two cents as I end this, redemption. Transition. To the good times i find time after time with these good people in my life. Not in the position of taking a wife but its alright. I'm so loved. Every night isnt a cold bed, kisses full of warmth providing wings as I reach flight. Arms wide open even for those of my creed, reach my height. Stand on your toes. Fingertips reaching for my lips and my nose. I'm promise to lean down, let you feel what can't even be glimpse by my foes. Despise. Despise. Despise. But i see who is who, go ahead and take off that disguise. Eighth of the twenties, so wise beyond those years i've arrive. So cry...

Love means one soul on your mind but I'll be lying if i said the thought of others dont float around from time to time. Not saying that im eyeing but im surely not blind so its not a crime to smile when a beauty walks by. If she's offering a good time best believe I'll let it go by but if situations was different i would obviously try. Not the sins of a guy, reality for your sight. Honesty in a fight to steer from wrong for the right. But labeled as deceitful before even taking mights. So be careful what you wish for you may be stewing up a life. Of you being left because of your need to feel right in the intentions of the body being greedy before the mind. It's time...

...to give this all a chance for it to die. Let it rest. At your best maybe you should address the single life. Its alright...

Tell me how can the worst day of you life not be the day you watched a tear fall down the face of the woman you love more than you can ever show? Though actions weigh more than words, feather like as you stand on that scale showing a ZERO. Dreamed of being that hero of the heart and soul but you're more Dent than Wayne, poisoned seed begin to grow. Now she regrets ever loving you, hugging you, kissing you, or even fantasizing about fucking you; just counting down the days until those last ounces of love finds its way out her door. Maybe it's better that during these dark distant days of weather where the sun never rises and the moon takes shelter, that the idea of staying in each others lives is tougher than the rubber that bounces you back in her arms until they close. Holding you tight standing on her toes you still look over her head towards the world around with its bright lights putting on a lustful show, letting go. Pushing you softly away off the bed, put on those clothes and travel through the cold forever to never know how much you made your queen feel like a hoe. To all these jane doe's you will never care for hopefully you'll find what was worth losing infinity loving nights for. Tweedle Dee. Tweedle Dum. Tweddle dumber for sleeping in shading as the Queen's heart that fight you, never degrading your everlasting well being that slips and falls down in rabbit holes. Wonder in that never ever whatever land you find yourself traveling in abandoning the one who gladly gave you all of her in your hands just to say never again, JUST FUCKING GO! Little beauty beautiful never wanted to hurt you so. But every tear that fell I felt deeply cutting you so. Never ever again have to worry though. Keeping distance until time pass enough for a hello, if it's possible....

...dont know. 

Don't speak with a woman with words that are half felt. Just to treat her like a notch on your belt. Another hole to poke through. Leaving her with a gun to run to. Maybe the barrel is aimed at you. Or maybe she aims at herself to get over you. 

I sit here wishing you happiness but its I who continues to not be apart of this. If it's love i miss, then i'm the last person allowed to look at life pissed. So as I bitch about this or that, be the first to allow your hand to grace my face. SMACK. For the words I said and the actions I done. Away you should run. Not about me being young but about me being dumb, young, and full of cum. After giving me all, no doubt i deserved none. See love run.

Lust a must to fuss or curse the soul with the worst taste of its sweet seeds planted greed in the pelvis, weaken knees. Curled toes. Bed sheets between fingertips and palms. Eye of the storm, calm. In between screams and moans. Grown people loving. Fucking is nothing. Yet give me that until it's pussy pleasing i'm wanting. Be that something to give more than dick head. Educated richard to reach ya golden gate, I appreciate the stream I tend to dive head first because i just can't wait. Damn me for giving up on all I had but wasn't enough to kill my sad. Just enraged the mad. Teasing the bad. Subtracting one, means open to add. Not proud of that math but my soul studied itself and feared its own wrath....maybe explained in this craft.