ViXxen Von Vicious's blog: "A Promise"

All the people Ive been there for and helped and cared about, who never helped me out and could've and didnt, and even to the people who did but made me feel like a hindrance and embarresed .And especially to the ones who said they would help and bailed on the last second.

I will return the EXACT treatment to them.

I will not forget the ones who WERE truly there for me when they could, and who reminded me that I was important and mattered. I hold close to me those things. All of the little things also. Which tend to mean the most to us all..

I have come to find out that at my weakest times and sickest times with a disease that is trying its best to rule me and defeat me, That I have been virtualy alone. Through alot fo the worst times. Alone is scary enough without being sick too. Yet everyone claims they love me and family claims im family . But it has been proven false over and over again. If you ever need anything line (false) you can come to me line (false). I know cause I've asked ive begged I cried, and even indebted myself when denied the promises inreturn for the promise to be kept.....But still no go .

Not sure if I was always on my own like this or was it that I just never needed anyone in the past? I know you should never depend on anyone but its even worse to offer help and to basicly lie about it. Why bother saying they would to just not keep their word? I'd keep respect for people if they just said cant.. In any case I won't be down here for long for everyone to look at. When I can stand on my feet again I will step over as many people as possible, and most should just step aside. No prejudice..

Undortuanly I become more bitter everyday and trust is becoming a foreign word to me. Still not cold though. It would be better if i was, things wouldve affect me and being vulnurable to hurt. Getting close though sort of a breaking point you could say..

SO my my promise to my self is basicaly Im nto making the same mistakes with things and especialy not people. And to stop caring about anyone more then myself. ALL standards are being raised...